Yeaaah I’m pretty sure that punt wasn’t even in the huddle when the kicker handed off that line of scrimmage in the neutral zone. Pretty sure of it. And then when that one interception turned into a fumble around the field goal, when it was blocking the blitz bomb? Totally didn’t see that coming. My […]
Say that super fast, 5 times in a row. I actually tried it and my mouth looked really jank so I stopped. So, okay, these taco cups? Total last minute decision this week and probably the best one I’ve made since purchasing a bra that actually fits. Hahaha! Cups, bra… Uhhh, seriously why won’t I […]
So it’s 1986. I’m 10 years old, and my sister Barbara is 6. We’d just moved to the sweaty armpit of the UNIVERSE, Hobbs, New Mexico and were getting settled into our new lifestyle which involved tumbleweeds, fake red cowboy boots from the Walmart and a crimp iron. Not known to be shy, (WEIRD!) Bar […]
Some things in life just aren’t in my control. Things like death and taxes. Things like natural disasters, plagues and famine. Things like accidentally finding myself at Pryde’s foaming at the mouth over a football-shaped cookie cutter so that I can make ridiculous football pizzas in order to feel festive in my little life. Out […]
Before we spiral into the vortex of chest hair-growing, involuntary grunting, crotch-scratching and Arsenio Hall arm-pumping-style dude food this week, we need to prepare our stomach cavity. We need to massage it and stretch it. We need to put a damp towel around its shoulders and squirt cold water into it. Give it pep talks, […]
PASTAAAA. Has it been a hundred billion 81 years since I’ve eaten pasta? I think it has. No wonder I got sick. And this pasta has ACTUAL REAL LIFE ARROWS on each plate. Like, totes cupid-style. Heeey-oh! Just don’t stab your lover and blame me for the “accident.” I already have too much on my […]
Okay so there’s this….thing. That like, the majority of the population of the universe fah-rickin’ LOSE THEIR MINDS over to eat. They go to all kinds of lengths, risk important relationships, see expensive therapists, maybe even consider assassination for a single bite. I SAID MAYBE. But not me. For some reason, that one (or 45) […]
** I want to apologize if this is the 15 thousandth time you’ve gotten this post. Elves are experimenting behind the scenes. Thank you. ** I sweaaaaaaaaaar this is the last time I make you suffer through anything brusselsy or sprouty. Okay for at least 5 hours. Although, something makes me think you’re starting to […]
I have the best news ever! I’m sick. I blame my husband and whatever jerk or jerkette passed it along to him at work. Friday he came home complaining of sinus pressure and hints of fatigue and I was all, SISSY. But then I ran to the bathroom, rubbed echinacea powder and Robitussin all into […]
I don’t know how else to say this. But I would almost 100% rather have this meal coursing through my veins than blood. Okay wait, I take that back. I wouldn’t be able to taste it. What I really want is for a single ravioli with a light coating of tomato sauce to sit on […]
