Oh I am just pickled tink! Need a minute for that? Truth be told, this whole pickling thing wasn’t even my idea. Last weekend, Aaron had zipped out to the store to pick up some fly traps I thought (hi, my house is invaded. I’m like, where is the body?), but upon arrival, he slipped […]
HEY, Y’AAAAALLLLLL. We’re breaking new boundaries today! We’re covering new territory! We’re broadening our horizons! And we’re using an obnoxious amount of exclamation points! We’re frying okra. But not just any okra! Purple okra. Which, okay you can just ignore that because it’s the exact same as green okra. It totally turns green when you […]
(to be read to the tune of “release me” by wilson phillips. and I am so, so sorry.) I know that it’s time for a change Mmm but when that change comes Will you still taste the same? How many times have I longed to grill you when it’s cold? I don’t want to give […]
Moooore creaaaaaaam. I don’t know what’s gotten into me with all the dreamy creamy hoopla this week. Perhaps it’s a result of all the rain we got last weekend, causing our grass to green up a few shades, causing me to soar into spasticsphere for a mental hoedown, causing me to discover a rather new […]
You know what they say about wearing white after Labor Day . . . . . . And how creamy white sauces coating human mouthal cavities are the exception? THEY SAY IT, I SWEAR. Can I just tell you how hard I love the fall? I do. I’m not going to get all wax-a-laxy about […]
Get labored! Actually, don’t. I know it’s labor day, but I think the hidden meaning behind it is, “dooo noooothing todaaaaay.” And by nothing, I’m pretty sure it excludes the following: * drinking lots of hot coffee. * finishing Fifty Shades of MY EYES. MY EEEEYES. * flipping through the pages of the 45 trillion […]
Uhhhhh yeah. That would be fig butter all over this thing. But before we begin, is it bad form to want to offer a hurricane a drink? Isaac is going to be here shortly and I’m so excited I’m putting on dang mascara. Fig butter. Doesn’t it sound so Downton Abbey or something? “Me Lady, […]
It’s all about the rind, n’est pas? I have no idea why I threw a little Francais into that sentence. This isn’t even a French soup. Let me start over. It’s all about the rind, I MEAN RIGHT, YOU GUYS? Yeah, that was just straight up obnoxious boulevard. Question: Do you freeze your cheese rinds? […]
(to be sung to the theme of the Brady Bunch. ahem.) Here’s the story of a grilled cheese sandwich. Who was bored of simply being on her own. She’d been grilled and grilled and grilled, like the others. Yet she felt all alone. Here’s the story, of some almond butter. And some apple slices, carrot […]
You want to cradle them, don’t you? I’ll tell you what, my mouth cradled about 50 of them at one time like a bowling alley does with its pins. And you should know, I plan on making SENSE in my next life. Today it’s all about the back to schools. Not that mini cheeseburgers have […]
