Fiiiiiigaro, figaro, figaro, figaro, figaroooooooo. Sorry. I’m randomly using evaporated milk in my coffee this morning and I think it’s manipulating the oxygen flow to my brain muscle. I hereby do not take responsibility for what happens in this post from this point on. FIGS. Do you ever think about figs and the seductive wizardry […]
You know how David Spade says the word “salon” in the old SNL skit, with the accent on the first syllable? Like, SAlon? That’s the way I like to say salad. SAlad. But you have to say it like SAlod and change the way the second syllable sounds, sort of hollowing it out a little, […]
Low carb, schmow schmarb. I’m done. I hold up my white flag. I throw in my towel. I SURRENDER ALL, Y’ALL. And I’m such a freaking baby because I went, what, two entire meals without out them? Sheesh. Okay real quick, I just scraped a piece of chocolate off my neck. A piece of chocolate. […]
I guess I’m not a . . . total liar. After all, I guess it is possible to have too many bites of chewy on the inside, crusty on the outside pizza with melted, stringy mozzarella, or flaky biscuits with warm butter and jam . . . ugh, or freshly baked loaves of bread straight […]
(I need to take this moment to tell you that WordPress will not allow me to put tabs and spaces where I so desire, like in a research paper, so this entire post might look jank to the naked eye. A bottle of aspirin is advised. Thank you.) It’s AUGUST! Which normally I wouldn’t be […]
Saaaaaaaaaaa-lurp. Okay. I know you’re probably looking at those little scallops on top of those noodles and thinking you’ve seen this before somewhere, tucked neatly in a memory folder stored in that one dusty corner of your cerebrum. And you have! I kindasortamaybe made this back in April with soba noodles. But! I swapped out […]
Helloooooo, only five ingredients. I like you. Well, seven including olive oil and a garnish, but who counts those anyway? Not me. Not I. Not me. Not me! I won’t grow up, I won’t grow up. I don’t wanna wear a tie (I don’t wanna wear a tie), and a serious expression (and a serious […]
Weeeeell okay. I mean if we muuuust have the pizza today then so be it. It is Friday after all and correct me if I’m wrong but in the How To Live Life Correctly and Not Like a God Forsaken Idiot handbook, isn’t this rule on page, like, ONE? I think I read it there. […]
“Um, this is totally chili,” says Bev to Aaron on the hottest day in all of eternity and then some. “I know, I know. Total accident. I was going for more of a beans and rice type of thing, and adding those chicken sausages you bought the other day, which was a genius move on […]
You know how when you get chills little bumps raise up all over your skin? “Goosies” as J-Lo calls them? Okay, when I get the chills, they raise up in little patches. And ONLY on my left arm. Like, random little goosie patches. My right arm is completely normal, chill bumps performing gorgeously in an […]
