You know how David Spade says the word “salon” in the old SNL skit, with the accent on the first syllable? Like, SAlon? That’s the way I like to say salad. SAlad. But you have to say it like SAlod and change the way the second syllable sounds, sort of hollowing it out a little, […]
I guess I’m not a . . . total liar. After all, I guess it is possible to have too many bites of chewy on the inside, crusty on the outside pizza with melted, stringy mozzarella, or flaky biscuits with warm butter and jam . . . ugh, or freshly baked loaves of bread straight […]
Are you totally sick of seeing tomatoes and zucchini in EVERY SINGLE POST? Because I hear ya. But first we gotta talk about this salad. Omg. I didn’t rightly know what was going to unfold when I made this salad. Didn’t really have a plan or an agenda. All I knew at that moment in […]
Shooooooot, y’all. It’s double doozy doozer day. Oh my gosh do you remember the old show from 1986 on Nickelodeon called Double Dare?! Where the kids had to run through those cray obstacle courses and they’d get green slime dumped on them! And Marc Summers was the host?! I SOOO-OHOHOH-OH had a crush on Marc. […]
My microwave is haunted. No, it really is. When I heat up anything, and then close the door after I’ve taken the food or coffee out of it, it starts up again, but only for a few seconds, like maybe six total, and then stops. Do you think it’s the ghost of my old kitchen […]
Don’t even think about turning on that oven! That was my super nauseating announcer-y voice, could you tell? Did you just get the urge to throw your laptop in front of a semi-truck and set yourself on fire? It worked! Speaking of fire, I just got my new glasses in yesterday and they are booooooss. […]
Hearty summer grain salads are ALL THE RAGE RIGHT NOW. Could you tell I was using my best car salesman voice? Actually they would say, “GIT YER BULGUR SALAD BEFORE IT’S GONE GONE GONE.” Why do car sales people repeat words? “I’m sorry honey, I know we were in the middle of fertilizing the flower […]
I don’t guess I need to go into detail about how loudly I screamed last night when you know who made it into the the Idol finale, do I? What about how ridiculously awesome I looked with imaginary pom poms cheering, “TWO FOUR SIX EIGHT WHO DO WE WANNA RUN AWAY WITH TO A REMOTE […]
I’m covered in dust. My armpits and nostrils are speckled with white latex paint. My hair has frog tape stuck in it. Every appliance I own is in my living room. Or in my back yard. Or in my front yard. Or in my hair under some frog tape. BUT! It’s taking shape and I’m […]
I gotsta one more salad fer ya! This one is super fresh, super vegetarian, super pretty and super FRESH. Like the fresh prince of Bel Air. THEY JUST DON’T MAKE TV LIKE THAT ANYMORE. I’m keeping this short because the cabinet guy is here finishing the SUPER FRESH trim on the cabinets. And he’s installing […]
