Why yes that is actual heaven you’re looking at. If you need a minute to lie down, collect yourself, or punch this square in the face, take all the time you need. I heaaaaar it’s National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day this coming Friday – is that right? Are you into this? Besides obviously? I also […]
FFFFFFFFFFFslkdfjslkfjsldjfiday. I have something to tell you. And I’m not sure how you’ll take it, truthfully. I mean, it’s hefty. Scary. Big. It’s something I’ve kept hidden deep in the chambers of my soul cavity for nearly 20 years. Only a handful of close friends knew of this darkness within me. Them, and the handfuls […]
Winner winner chicken di- you know what, no. When did that whole weird thing start anyway? Who INVENTED that strand of strange words? And why wasn’t it me? I guess my time in life will come someday. In the meantime (“on the other side of town” – name that show), I made you the creamiest, […]
April! About. frickin’. time. Not that I’m trying to wish life away. My jowls are squeezing the reins of time continuum like DUUUUUUUUDE CHIIIIILL. But the rest of me is super pumped to see April. First of all, today’s our anniversary! Wedding. 14 years. So insane. Secondly, I pick up kindergarten enrollment packs today and […]
FRRRRRRRRUDERDAYDOODAH. I brushed my teeth with sunscreen. NOT ON PURPOSE, ya yahoo! Complete accident. Both are white. Both are also in a white tube. Both also have the exact same labeling. The only difference is the cap. One is flip up, and the other is twist off. But in my late night lethargic manner (and […]
Okay the tofu is totally fried so get excited right now. I hardly ever fry! Ever! Fry! Ever ever! (<–too much?) But there’s this Thai restaurant in town that fries their tofu, and it is absolute bliss to eat. Crispyyyyyy and spongyyyyyy and spicyyyyyyy. UGH. I had to try it. So this recipe is sort […]
Also known as, my five-year old daughter’s advanced tongue’s favorite food. SHRIMP. Isn’t that so bizarre?! She loves it. Craves it. Asks for it. And I’m always like, “SHRIMP? REALLY? Don’t you want peanut butter and jelly or cheese and crackers or like, candy? Here, open your mouth and let me pour this sugar straight […]
Soup! On the second day of spring. IT IS STILL CHILLY, GUYS. I’m not yelling at you. Sometimes I speak like Owen Meany. Remember that book? A Prayer for Owen Meany? He’s this tiny dude that screams constantly in all caps? That’s me. So yeah, soup! CHICKEN SALSA SOUP. And I feel like you’re here […]
EVERYBODY’S GONE SLURPIIIIIN’, SLURPIN’ USA. Ummm, this is your new life. Your new got-nothing-to-make-for-dinner-so-noodles-it-is life. But Thai! Thai COCONUT AND PEANUT BUTTER. (no it’s not frozen peanut butter, I’ll save you the time and make the joke myself.) These are sloppy, soaked, silky, slurpalicious and seriously seductive. Let’s take a squint. Okay, it seems like […]
FRRRRRRRRthis is the most color you’ll ever see on this siteDAY. I think we need to discuss foundation. Not like, for your house. This is not hard hat material here, folks. FACE. Face foundation. Facial foundation. Oh wait! Do you want to know what’s weird? For a HOUSE, the foundation is under it. And for […]
