Friday Flotsam

Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrimay! yay. say. ray. jay. day.

I’ve started sleeping in a hat.

You can rub your eyes, spray your glasses and squint to sea, but those are the actual words you read.

It’s not like a top hat, you guys. Or a fedora or a bucket hat or a visor or my leopard print beret. It’s none of those. (although I’m not above it)

It’s this tight gold velvet turban that I’ve had forever and makes me feel a smidge like Grey Gardens. Equal parts cool and cuckoo. But see, I wear it because it helps tame the puff! It really does! Puff tamer! (we’re starting a band called Puff Tamer. ew.)

I find that it presses my hair to my head at the crown and creates this micro wave at the base of my skull and it’s pretty pimp. I never imagined in all my life that I would include all those words in the same sentence.

And then on top of that I wear this thick pale blue eye mask with dried lavender flowers in it, so put the two together with a heavy bright red lip and I’m well on way to Bonkersville. If you’re there already will you order our first round? Thanks.

I think my point is, what your nightly sleep ritual? As in, HACKS. Because please tell me you remember when Laverne and Shirley would put tape on their hair at the temples and bangs to keep the curls in place while they slept. You remember that, right? No? Oh.

Tell me your night hack. You know you have a night hack. Spilleth.

Okay, here’s another thing.

I took one of those Enneagram tests (Honestly what kind of lunatic names these tests something hard to spell. Don’t we already have enough going on here?)

I MEAN, how much stock are we actually putting into this test? Guys. Really. My result came back as a 2. But then it was like, “unlock to discover more!” and I was like, “I will unlock my fist in your face.” No. Just tell it to me straight. What is a 2? It had a few opening lines like, “You care about the well being of others.” Dude that’s not personality. That’s basic humanity. AND VAGUE at that.

I found myself answering all the questions like, “Well it depends on the situation.” “Well it just depends on who it is.” “Well it just depends on who’s with me.” “Well it just depends on the way they said it.” “Well it depends on how the big the crowd was.” “Well it just depends on if I’m having a good hair day.”

I’m way too cynical for this test. Does a 2 fit that? I’m willing to be humbled here, guys.

I know my TEMPERAMENT, which is entirely different. (or is it?) I’m a sanguine. Upbeat, positive, chipper, overly talkative. But with that, there are definite competing tones of melancholy back there. A little bit of phlegmatic. Tinge of choleric when I want to be.

I lost you, didn’t I? See, I’ll take your enenegnegtraaam and raise you a TEMPERAMENT OFF. (said like the gold-toothed dude in Zoolander announcing the Walk Off.)

I’m fine, though.

Let’s talk about a good v-neck sweater.

No no, this is what I want. (said like Sally Albright on the plane when she’s ordering a Bloody Mary.)

I want a black v-neck sweater, but I want the v-neck to be pretty deep. Not too deep to the point where my mom is texting me asking if I’m wearing a bra, but deep enough for the clavicle to take center stage. And I’d like the arms to be slightly loose, but not baggy. Just a splash of loose. But then at the waist, I’d like it to taper. Not cropped exactly, this isn’t 1992. I’m not a skateboard. I’d like it to sit properly and snug right at the waistband of my preferred jean or pant, where it looks likes it could be tucked in, but might not be. But there’s very little overflow, if any at all. And I don’t want the material too be too chunky or thick. It can’t be too thin, either. We can’t be wearing tissue paper in this weather. It has to be smooth, but smart.

Is this so hard to ask?

Okay: have any of you seen I’m Thinking Of Ending Things yet? (it’s on Netflix)

I’m ordering the book for the round after this next one, and THEN I’ll watch. But have you read? Watched? What are your thoughts? Is it LIKE the book at all? I’m so excited. That’s all.

What are you watching tonight?

Weekend plans?

Not a THING here. Well, I say that. I seriously need to deep clean both kids’ rooms, since now we have all this school stuff and zey-row place to put it. But that’s boring. Let me think of something more exciting to say.

…nope.

Our normal Village stroll for (oh yeah! Mums!) and a cappuccino. I’m also shooting two recipes this weekend for your next week and you’re going to flip out. At least in my head you are.

From this week, in case you missed it:::: Braised Chicken with Mushrooms and Shallots – absolutely divine for fall weekends. You must. And then yesterday I posted another book club recap! Just get in there and hang out with me, okay?

You’re like, “what the heck is phlegmatic?” Wouldn’t you like to know.