Friday Flotsam

FRRRRRRRRRRRRR2468whodoyouappreciateday! (<–not really)

Wait, is pantyhose back?

Did pantyhose come back in style and I completely missed the announcement? When did this happen and can you forward it to me?

The other day in my GirlSquad text thread with a bunch of long-time gal pals who once lived in the same college town in Northwest Arkansas twenty plus years ago but are now scattered all over the the U.S. and some still there (you’re like, “you could have just said friends.”), we were discussing penny loafers (I was the ONLY FAN, what on earth), and my friend Jill asked, in relation to the penny loafers, “But what about hosiery?”

HOSIERY. She used the actual word hosiery and somehow I was warmed from the inside out.

I’ve not thought about hosiery since 1996. Also I never called it hosiery. (how sophisticated!) It was pantyhose to me. (trash mouth) I hated pantyhose. I hated wearing pantyhose, tugging at the pantyhose, feeling the bulky seam of the pantyhose at my toes. (We’re staring a band called Hose at My Toes.) I hated the twisting of the pantyhose at the waistband. I couldn’t stand that ankle gab of pantyhose mocking me for having bobby pin legs and I constantly stressed over RUNS IN MY PANTYHOSE. Remember a good tragic pantyhose run? I had a category 5 disastrous pantyhose run the night before my 9th grade church Valentine’s Day banquette in 1990 with Kenny Hemmeline and the bottom hem of my dress barely covered the start of the run WHICH WAS STOPPED BY CLEAR FINGERNAIL POLISH (remember that??) but I was still so emotionally destroyed I could barely get through the night.

. . . Guys we have to bring hosiery back.

(because now I’m refined.)

Think how smooth our legs would look!

And under bathing suits. That was another topic in our GirlSquad text – the trend of pantyhose under your bathing suits. Did you ever do this? Do you already do this? Would you ever do this? We’re clearly doing this.

No I’m not on medication, why do you ask?

Can we stop smashing cake in our newly-spousal faces at wedding receptions, please?

HOW did this start? When did this start? Who do you think was the OG cake smasher and how was this not shut down immediately on the spot?

Did you get wedding cake smashed in your face when you got married? We did not do this. Matter of fact, there was a conversation before (WAY BEFORE, like five months before) about how there would be no cake smashing at all ever ever ever. Honestly it’s no fun for anyone. Who wants to see a face covered in wedding cake? No.

NOW, a pie thrown into a face at a state fair or pot luck? That I can watch.

Tell me, did you get smashed? Did you do the smashing? How did you take it? How did the smashee take it?

And are you still married? Hahahaha LOL JK JK JK.

. . . are you?

Okay back to hose, name this movie:

“I know. Yesterday I said to Allison, “Go to the pharmacy, get me a pair of black pantyhose.” She came back and said, “They didn’t have any.” I said, “Did you try another pharmacy?” I mean, really.”

“Or Bloomingdale’s. What’s wrong with trying Bloomingdale’s?”

(see this is why we need the hose.)

Honestly I really like all the long hair on the late night show hosts. I think Colbert and Meyers and Fallon look good. How Corden is keeping his tight cut though, we’ll never know.

I also thought all the shaggy long-haired beach bum Abercrombie dude models were super hot in the ’90s so clearly I can’t be trusted.

Weekend plans?

We did another round of Covid tests so that Aaron’s sister can visit! We’ve not seen her since Valentine’s Day, when the gas line in our fireplace wouldn’t turn off and the glass blew out of one pane and we had to call the fire department. Remember that?

No?

Okay.

From this week, in case you missed it! (actually the last two weeks since I was on a boat last Friday.) :: Broccoli, Sweet Potato and Sausage Bake! Totally Paleo maybe. Ooooo and then some BBQ Drumsticks with Roasted Cauliflower. INSANELY good. You didn’t miss September’s classical music mixtape, did you? And lastly, we’ve got a tangy, bright and crunchy Greek Shrimp Pasta Salad. Honestly any and all of this for Labor Day and you’re set for life.

Hosiery – are we in?

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20 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. pathom September 4, 2020 at 7:45 am #
    I was at a recent wedding (I KNOW! but it was all socially distanced) and after the bride and groom cut their cake, the photographer asked, "Do you want to feed each other a bite?" and the bride turned and said - very crisply - "Absolutely not!" I laughed out loud and gave her a double thumbs up.
  2. Catherine Maronde September 4, 2020 at 7:55 am #
    Last week my husband bought some pantyhose at the dollar store. LOL. Not that he normally buys pantyhose. We store onions from the garden in it.
  3. Kristin September 4, 2020 at 8:43 am #
    We just called all hosiery nylons. I wonder if that makes me old or just shows that I am from Wisconsin. No cake smashing. We both think it's stupid, and we're still married after 32 years.
    • Simone September 4, 2020 at 10:20 am #
      I'm originally from Wisconsin and I was thinking "Aren't they called Nylons?!" Must be a Midwestern thing!
      • Hannah September 4, 2020 at 10:36 am #
        I’m from Washington state and we call them nylons as well!
    • Julie September 4, 2020 at 6:21 pm #
      This is hilarious. I'm also from Wisconsin...and I've only ever called them nylons. Hilarious. I love us Wisconsinites!
  4. Jenn P September 4, 2020 at 9:28 am #
    Absolutely no hose ever. My mom was a strict, every day pantyhose wearer. Either full hose or knee highs, every day, even when she wore socks and tennis shoes. I've gone the opposite direction and hate hose (and tights) and will never wear them. No hose. We did not smash cake. We never talked about it, and right before he put the piece of cake in my mouth i said "Don't smash that in my face!" My brand new husband looked at me with shock and said "I can't believe you'd think I would." So we were on the same page. Cake smash = bad. Lastly, thanks for your playlists. My husband (still married!) and I have been camping a lot this summer, and we've downloaded a bunch of them to listen to while we're "off the grid" (how awful is that phrase). We've enjoyed the heck out of so many of your playlists. So thanks.
  5. Jane George September 4, 2020 at 10:15 am #
    My Mother also always wore some kind of hose, finally settled on knee highs. I had to wear them all through Catholic High School, then all through X-Ray Technician training and employment. Have not worn them in many years now. We did not do the cake smash or the equally foolish napkins on your head as you dance around the tables, forget what the music was, but did witness it at three weddings I attended. We did make 51 years of marriage. We did do the throwing of the bouquet and the garter nonsense.
  6. Simone September 4, 2020 at 10:24 am #
    I remember in fourth grade my friend used to wear them under shorts (this would have been late 90s) and she always looked so tan - it wasn't until we were older that I realized she was wearing nylons. I work in a "corporate" job and do not wear them at all but in the winter I will definitely wear tights (mostly black or navy blue). My husband and I fed each other cake with a fork and attempted a smash with that which was not fun but ended up being very funny and did not end up with much cake anywhere. I do see the no-cake smashing point but to each their own! But I should also add I 100% call him babe so maybe that lumps me in some category!!
  7. ez September 4, 2020 at 12:15 pm #
    How about when they were too small but you had to wear them bc you were going out now and the crotch was low and you got the thigh rub w the crotch seam...???? Anyone?! lol
    • Leslie September 4, 2020 at 6:29 pm #
      This is all I can think about when it comes to hose. Too low, sweaty undercarriage, discrete pulling up.
  8. EZ September 4, 2020 at 12:17 pm #
    Oh and in the 80’s my mom wore them under everything to smoooooth the look under all those high waisted bell bottom jeans or polyester tight pants she wore. Even under ski pants! lol
  9. Jennifer C. September 4, 2020 at 12:35 pm #
    My cousin's new husband smashed cake in her face at the reception and she slapped him across the face! (They obviously didn't have "the talk" before the wedding.) Everyone's jaws dropped. They are divorced now. So...no smashing of cake...ever!
  10. Layla Cullen September 4, 2020 at 1:17 pm #
    Hubby and I did ice cream and brownies for our wedding dessert, and smashed ice cream cones in each other’s faces. Ice cream cone hurts and I got ice cream in my cleavage. Still married, wildly happily, and I wore hosiery under my wedding dress too. With a garter! Sheesh! I’m hitting all the notes! Thanks for your blog! I made the turkey pesto meatballs last week and it was such a family hit. ❤️❤️
  11. Laura Lee September 4, 2020 at 2:42 pm #
    We did no cake in face, no garter nonsense and I refused to wear a veil. Hosiery...I like it! The word, not the object. I often say brassiere. I never called them pantyhose because I have an aversion to "panty", it was always stockings.
  12. Stasha Henry September 4, 2020 at 6:37 pm #
    Pretty sure Kate Middleton brought hosiery back. She’s required to wear them at all official engagements. There was a scandal when Meghan Markle didn’t wear them once. I’m here for it though. A good pair of silk stockings (my grandmother always called them stockings!) is a wonderful thing! ...and the movie quote is Julie and Julia :)
  13. Ash September 4, 2020 at 7:30 pm #
    We did not have a cake smash. That was a definite no! Julie and Julia! Love that movie!
  14. Stef September 4, 2020 at 11:34 pm #
    Ritual Cobb Salad lunch. Dreading Dreading Dreading.
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