Friday Flotsam

FRRRRRRRRRRRRR2468whodoyouappreciateday! (<–not really)

Wait, is pantyhose back?

Did pantyhose come back in style and I completely missed the announcement? When did this happen and can you forward it to me?

The other day in my GirlSquad text thread with a bunch of long-time gal pals who once lived in the same college town in Northwest Arkansas twenty plus years ago but are now scattered all over the the U.S. and some still there (you’re like, “you could have just said friends.”), we were discussing penny loafers (I was the ONLY FAN, what on earth), and my friend Jill asked, in relation to the penny loafers, “But what about hosiery?”

HOSIERY. She used the actual word hosiery and somehow I was warmed from the inside out.

I’ve not thought about hosiery since 1996. Also I never called it hosiery. (how sophisticated!) It was pantyhose to me. (trash mouth) I hated pantyhose. I hated wearing pantyhose, tugging at the pantyhose, feeling the bulky seam of the pantyhose at my toes. (We’re staring a band called Hose at My Toes.) I hated the twisting of the pantyhose at the waistband. I couldn’t stand that ankle gab of pantyhose mocking me for having bobby pin legs and I constantly stressed over RUNS IN MY PANTYHOSE. Remember a good tragic pantyhose run? I had a category 5 disastrous pantyhose run the night before my 9th grade church Valentine’s Day banquette in 1990 with Kenny Hemmeline and the bottom hem of my dress barely covered the start of the run WHICH WAS STOPPED BY CLEAR FINGERNAIL POLISH (remember that??) but I was still so emotionally destroyed I could barely get through the night.

. . . Guys we have to bring hosiery back.

(because now I’m refined.)

Think how smooth our legs would look!

And under bathing suits. That was another topic in our GirlSquad text – the trend of pantyhose under your bathing suits. Did you ever do this? Do you already do this? Would you ever do this? We’re clearly doing this.

No I’m not on medication, why do you ask?

Can we stop smashing cake in our newly-spousal faces at wedding receptions, please?

HOW did this start? When did this start? Who do you think was the OG cake smasher and how was this not shut down immediately on the spot?

Did you get wedding cake smashed in your face when you got married? We did not do this. Matter of fact, there was a conversation before (WAY BEFORE, like five months before) about how there would be no cake smashing at all ever ever ever. Honestly it’s no fun for anyone. Who wants to see a face covered in wedding cake? No.

NOW, a pie thrown into a face at a state fair or pot luck? That I can watch.

Tell me, did you get smashed? Did you do the smashing? How did you take it? How did the smashee take it?

And are you still married? Hahahaha LOL JK JK JK.

. . . are you?

Okay back to hose, name this movie:

“I know. Yesterday I said to Allison, “Go to the pharmacy, get me a pair of black pantyhose.” She came back and said, “They didn’t have any.” I said, “Did you try another pharmacy?” I mean, really.”

“Or Bloomingdale’s. What’s wrong with trying Bloomingdale’s?”

(see this is why we need the hose.)

Honestly I really like all the long hair on the late night show hosts. I think Colbert and Meyers and Fallon look good. How Corden is keeping his tight cut though, we’ll never know.

I also thought all the shaggy long-haired beach bum Abercrombie dude models were super hot in the ’90s so clearly I can’t be trusted.

Weekend plans?

We did another round of Covid tests so that Aaron’s sister can visit! We’ve not seen her since Valentine’s Day, when the gas line in our fireplace wouldn’t turn off and the glass blew out of one pane and we had to call the fire department. Remember that?

No?

Okay.

From this week, in case you missed it! (actually the last two weeks since I was on a boat last Friday.) :: Broccoli, Sweet Potato and Sausage Bake! Totally Paleo maybe. Ooooo and then some BBQ Drumsticks with Roasted Cauliflower. INSANELY good. You didn’t miss September’s classical music mixtape, did you? And lastly, we’ve got a tangy, bright and crunchy Greek Shrimp Pasta Salad. Honestly any and all of this for Labor Day and you’re set for life.

Hosiery – are we in?