You know what they say about wearing white after Labor Day . . . . . . And how creamy white sauces coating human mouthal cavities are the exception? THEY SAY IT, I SWEAR. Can I just tell you how hard I love the fall? I do. I’m not going to get all wax-a-laxy about […]
Get labored! Actually, don’t. I know it’s labor day, but I think the hidden meaning behind it is, “dooo noooothing todaaaaay.” And by nothing, I’m pretty sure it excludes the following: * drinking lots of hot coffee. * finishing Fifty Shades of MY EYES. MY EEEEYES. * flipping through the pages of the 45 trillion […]
Back to liiiiife. Back to realityyyy. Can I just say that my back yard looks absolutely nothing like the beach? Can I also just say that in my rush to get out the door last week I forgot to turn on the dishwasher before we left? And can I ask if it’s completely disgusting to […]
I want that cheese to be my blankie. Oh hey! I survived the gators yesterday when kayaking. And the sharks. I guess crocks and sharks can coexist in salt water? Nasty, is all I have to say about that. HOWEVER, I was this close to losing my shiz over the 18,264 spiders in our kayak. […]
Fiiiiiigaro, figaro, figaro, figaro, figaroooooooo. Sorry. I’m randomly using evaporated milk in my coffee this morning and I think it’s manipulating the oxygen flow to my brain muscle. I hereby do not take responsibility for what happens in this post from this point on. FIGS. Do you ever think about figs and the seductive wizardry […]
Low carb, schmow schmarb. I’m done. I hold up my white flag. I throw in my towel. I SURRENDER ALL, Y’ALL. And I’m such a freaking baby because I went, what, two entire meals without out them? Sheesh. Okay real quick, I just scraped a piece of chocolate off my neck. A piece of chocolate. […]
I guess I’m not a . . . total liar. After all, I guess it is possible to have too many bites of chewy on the inside, crusty on the outside pizza with melted, stringy mozzarella, or flaky biscuits with warm butter and jam . . . ugh, or freshly baked loaves of bread straight […]
Helloooooo, only five ingredients. I like you. Well, seven including olive oil and a garnish, but who counts those anyway? Not me. Not I. Not me. Not me! I won’t grow up, I won’t grow up. I don’t wanna wear a tie (I don’t wanna wear a tie), and a serious expression (and a serious […]
I heard a weather report not long ago that offered some pretty strong advice for how to handle these insane drought conditions. I did. Yeah, the guy basically said the only solution right now for this national crisis is massive consumption of loaded Italian chicken sub sandwiches. But he laid it out very simply, so […]
Shooooooot, y’all. It’s double doozy doozer day. Oh my gosh do you remember the old show from 1986 on Nickelodeon called Double Dare?! Where the kids had to run through those cray obstacle courses and they’d get green slime dumped on them! And Marc Summers was the host?! I SOOO-OHOHOH-OH had a crush on Marc. […]
