I have a kitchen. A real life kitchen with lights and electricity. A real life kitchen with water and soap and hand lotion. A real life kitchen with a sink so large, Hugh Hefner himself would glow at the possibilities. A real life kitchen with drawers so soft and slick, I’ll no longer look like […]
I’m covered in dust. My armpits and nostrils are speckled with white latex paint. My hair has frog tape stuck in it. Every appliance I own is in my living room. Or in my back yard. Or in my front yard. Or in my hair under some frog tape. BUT! It’s taking shape and I’m […]
I gotsta one more salad fer ya! This one is super fresh, super vegetarian, super pretty and super FRESH. Like the fresh prince of Bel Air. THEY JUST DON’T MAKE TV LIKE THAT ANYMORE. I’m keeping this short because the cabinet guy is here finishing the SUPER FRESH trim on the cabinets. And he’s installing […]
A little poem for you. . . The storm clouds are hoverin’. My coffee’s gone cold. My kitchen looks like a sink hole. I even spotted some bread mold. The husband has a birthday today. I’ll mow the lawns for him. He still has good hair, they say. He need notteth even a trim. Speaking […]
What started out as a sinless, innocent puppy love back in my college years, hath quickly and destructively grown into a full-blown, no holds barred, unmanageable, MUST HAVE OR DAH, injurious addiction. Chipotle. I freaking love Chipotle. Like bawd. In our house, you can often hear things like this coming from our mouths. Me, “I’m […]
This isn’t really a recipe, my ladyship, but more of a “toss together anything you have cobby lying around and call it a day” salad, my lordship. Oh, sorry about the nicknames. We just finished the first season of Downton Abbey last night and now I’m completely obsessed and wishing I had a hunormous castle […]
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the. . .plate. So, I can’t decide if it’s really really sad or really really awesome that the only Oscar nominated movie I’d seen was Bridesmaids. And on top of that, I can’t decide if it’s really really embarrassing or really really sweet that I got 14 lumps […]
Before we spiral into the vortex of chest hair-growing, involuntary grunting, crotch-scratching and Arsenio Hall arm-pumping-style dude food this week, we need to prepare our stomach cavity. We need to massage it and stretch it. We need to put a damp towel around its shoulders and squirt cold water into it. Give it pep talks, […]
I’m working a double SHIFT, you guys. Giving you not one BUT TWO recipes to read today. Ohhh, she’s so crazaay! Are you looking at that photo wondering what the heck that white shreddedy stuff is on it? It’s CRAB MEAT. The good kind. The fancy kind. The kind that makes you go mmmmm holy […]
Have you ever made caesar dressing from scratch? Yep, I’m talking anchovies, a raw egg yolk, the whole bit. Have you? NO? REALLY? uhmugush. Things are going to be different for you from now on. You are going to learn this recipe and a new way to cherish life will unfold before you. As in, […]
