FRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! i d a y . I just had this weird dream where I was taking the kids through a car wash, but when we drove through it, nothing happened, so we backed out and I asked “Hey man, why doesn’t this work?” And the owner said, “Well you need to read the sign before […]
FFFFFFFFFFFFrIiDdAaYy!.?:. POOOOOOOOOLL-AH! (I feel like a good poll this morning.) After yesterday’s mixtape title, it got me thinking, Carrie Bradshaw style, are we really that into baths, though? Honestly, I’m not that into baths. I’m into the idea of baths, and if and when we ever remodel our home you better believe I’ll still put […]
FRRRRRRRRRRerder. You guys I GOT STUNG BY A BEE. But, for the very first time in my entire life. As in, I have managed to escape any and all stings for 44 years of human living on this planet earth. With bugs on it. (minus mosquitoes.) I was running (said like Forest) two mornings ago […]
FRRRRRRRR a h d a h! Okay be honest, who here buys those trash bucket grocery store romance novels? You know, the ones where the ladies are ALWAYS in some velvet Victorian dress draping dramatically off her shoulders revealing lacy cleavage as she leans into shirtless Fabio clones holding a spear or boat rope? And […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrimay! yay. say. ray. jay. day. I’ve started sleeping in a hat. You can rub your eyes, spray your glasses and squint to sea, but those are the actual words you read. It’s not like a top hat, you guys. Or a fedora or a bucket hat or a visor or my leopard print beret. […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRR2468whodoyouappreciateday! (<–not really) Wait, is pantyhose back? Did pantyhose come back in style and I completely missed the announcement? When did this happen and can you forward it to me? The other day in my GirlSquad text thread with a bunch of long-time gal pals who once lived in the same college town in Northwest […]
Frrrrrrrrrrit’s my birthday on Sunday! But we’ll get to that. I have a question for you. You’re like, “Hold on let me get my coffee. And Xanax.” I saw something recently about how it’s no longer okay to say “hey, guys.” Like, to call a group of people, women and men collectively as guys. I […]
FFFFFFFFFmastotf! Who even NAMES these hurricanes? And why aren’t we getting more. . . creative? It’s like an opportunity dangling right in front of whatever round table at the World Meteorological Association and poof . . . dust. I know they go alphabetically, back and forth between male and female names, isn’t that right? But […]
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAArudeelaadooday. What do we think about, “I love me some ____.”? Like when people say the words “love me some” in relation to things in this world and life. I find myself actually saying that phrase from time to time, and then I cringe and think, “I can’t be someone who says that phrase”. And […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroydoy. Why do you think we say “smart cookie?” “Oh, she’s a smart cookie. She’ll go far.” Smart cookie? I don’t feel like cookies are the smartest of treats. Correct me if I’m wrong (I’m no baker), but aren’t they among the simplest of desserts? What’s so smart about a cookie? What about, “Oh, she’s […]
