Friday Flotsam

Frrrrrrrrrrit’s my birthday on Sunday! But we’ll get to that.

I have a question for you.

You’re like, “Hold on let me get my coffee. And Xanax.”

I saw something recently about how it’s no longer okay to say “hey, guys.” Like, to call a group of people, women and men collectively as guys. I didn’t actually read the guts of the article because life, but I’ll admit, off hand I flippantly thought, “Well that’s plain silly. I say that all the time. Everyone says that all the time. It means nothing.”

But this is 2020 and now EVERYTHING MEANS SOMETHING.

Not that that’s a bad thing. I just need to understand the memo, is all.

Tell me, are you offended when you hear “Hey, guys!” Does that bother you? Does it send a prickle up your spine? If it does, what would you rather hear? Y’all? Youins? Group of collected human beings? I’m genuinely curious and want to get learnt.

What about, “Hey, ladies!” Does that bother you? If it’s just women, that is. Because seriously, if I walk into a room with all women, pre-COV, I still say, “Hey, guys!” It’s just ingrained. Am I a jerk?

Or actually I might say, “Hey, gals!” Is that gross?

Tell me what you prefer because we’re in a pandemic.

Here’s something else.

What’s the opposite of fellow?

We have guys and gals.

We have lads and lassies.

We have ladies and gentlemen.

We have women and men, boys and girls, dudes and chicks.

What’s the opposite of FELLOW?

I’ll just leave that right there.

Ugh, I’ve started looking at navy blazers again.

You know this is what I do every August, WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?

I have one from J.Crew, obviously. (wait, did they go out of business? am I holding on to an artifact at this point?) But I’d like something a little less Rachel Green circa 2002 and more Jane Birkin circa 1974. Chic but with an effortless drape. Flattering but with a micro touch of masculinity.

Madewell had a really good looking one, but it’s out of stock. What else? Where else? Who else? I know you have the goods.

Oh, quick book update! Last night I finished The Vanishing Half. OMG. It was beyond incredible. Touching, heartbreaking, sad, beautiful, eye-opening in so many ways. Have you read it? Unfortunately and embarrassingly I feel like saying, “And so relevant to today!” buuuut this is nothing new. However, when a story of deep racism like that is told via fiction storytelling, a) you get a real sense of the detailed conversations that humans actually say/said with all subtle and not-so subtle nuances, giving a crystal clear picture of the way white people thought back then (and some now), and b) makes it all the more real, I suppose. Which is incredibly naive. But I was really moved by the book, and took away so much more from it than I expected. Highly recommend.

I did a poll last night on IG on what should be the first pick of our next round. The books ARE:

The Guest List (it won the poll, hands down), The Scent Keeper, The Mother-in-Law, The Perfect Couple and Persuasion. Finally some Austen! But we’re waiting until September for that read because I have a fun surprise. You already know what it is but I’m pretending it’s a huge deal.

All to say, I’m starting The Guest List today! Join meh?

Weekend plans?

It’s my birthday on Sunday! 44, you guys.

Crap sorry! Group of humans.

My only plan is estate saleing, French market patio rosé with a couple gals, watching The Bookshop, sipping a Sancerre on Sunday with homemade cheesecake on a blanket outside with my book. Next Friday we’re getting ON A BOAT with our besties as a belated birthday celebration, so I’ll definitely wear some stripes like Maisel. Clearly it’s a must.

From this week, in case you missed it!:: Salmon and Cauliflower Bowls. Paleo-friendly, waist-friendly, you’ll love it. And Our Life Rhythm. Basically how we spend our days and the tie dyed moon tide of our souls. Just kidding. Sort of.

Tonight I’m making stuffed peppers while listening to the Amélie soundtrack with a Sauv Blanc in my hand. What about you?

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28 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Cara August 21, 2020 at 8:53 am #
    I still say hey guys even though I know I shouldn't. Maybe I'll start saying hey peeps.
  2. Rebekah S August 21, 2020 at 10:00 am #
    During college, when I worked at Cracker Barrel, I walked up to a table where an elderly couple were waiting to order and said, “Hi guys! What I can I get you to drink today?” Before they left, the man complained (nicely) to the manager that I had offended him by referring to his wife as a guy. We had to have an employee meeting and were told we couldn’t say that anymore. We had to use y’all, you both, all of you, etc...instead. At first, I was aggravated by the situation, but here I am, years later, correcting my four girls when they yell out to each other, “Hey guys!!” They look at me like I’m ridiculous, but I bet they’ll find themselves doing the same thing when/if they have girls. 🤷🏼‍♀️
    • Rebekah S August 21, 2020 at 10:02 am #
      *was waiting* 🤦🏽‍♀️
      • Deanna August 21, 2020 at 2:55 pm #
        My first waitressing job was CPK and they had a rule about not say guys to a table with women at it, so I started saying y’all too. Even though I lived in Southern CA. I think it’s an old person problem...my grandma did not like that I responded to a “thank you” with “no problem” so I also avoided using that one waiting tables. I must have been the most oddly formal server at CPK. I personally don’t care if someone says guys to a group of girls. I think to me it’s lost any strong gender affiliation.
  3. Peekiesmom August 21, 2020 at 10:34 am #
    Yes, “guys” went out of style quite a few years ago for me as a teacher. The Who,e room would respond to “guys, eyes up here” or whatever, but say “girls/gals, eyes up here” and the boys would look at you like you weren’t talking to them. Why should girls respond to the wrong label, but boys should not? Another unequal expectation. And I agree that The Vanishing Half was so good. I want to read more Brit Bennett now.
  4. erin August 21, 2020 at 10:55 am #
    Yum stuffed peppers! I’m making vegan scallops (sliced and nori furikake seasoned Trumpet Mushrooms;) w corn on the cob, rice and salad...oh and a Rosé.
  5. erin August 21, 2020 at 10:57 am #
    Oh and Happy Friday Guys! Peeps! All of y’all;)
  6. Nancy August 21, 2020 at 11:26 am #
    I just watched the trailer for The Bookshop. Looks so good. I will have to go to IMDB to see where I can watch it. Hope it's not confined to the theatre! Ha! "Hi Guys" is fine with me. I'm old and TBH, I am tired of EVERYTHING having to be so politically correct. There, I said it :). But if we must, why do we have to attach a grouping to our greeting (band name? Ha!). Why can't we just walk in and say Hi!, Ola!, Bon Jour, etc.? Happy Birthday, Bev!!! Enjoy your weekend!
    • Bev Weidner August 21, 2020 at 12:32 pm #
      Nancy, I think you can watch The Bookshop on Amazon Prime!
    • MIchelle August 24, 2020 at 2:34 pm #
      its also on Hulul if you have a subscription
  7. Marie Rodstrom August 21, 2020 at 11:31 am #
    I’ve read that the politically correct way to address a group is Folks. FOLKS! I cringe whenever I read an email starting with Hey Folks. That can’t be the best we’ve got. Yikes. I’m down with Hey guys, all the way. Marie
    • Bev Weidner August 21, 2020 at 12:31 pm #
      Yeah see no. I cannot say "FOLKS" with an actual straight face. Not happening. :)
      • Marine August 29, 2020 at 9:51 am #
        I’m an east coast baby and we call everyone “guys” and “hey guys” has always been part of my vocabulary... until recently. (See also: “dude”) I moved to the PNW a few years ago and people seem to be a lot more PC out here and I’ve straight up removed “hey guys” and replaced it with “hey y’all”, which felt weird at first because I’m not from the south, but now it feels more comfortable. I’ve worked with and met some non-binary people since being here and was taught it’s the proper way to address all genders, since you shouldn’t assume someone’s gender just by looking at them. As a retail worker the harder shift for me has been not referring to “that woman standing by the jewelry” but rather “that person in the blue shirt standing by the jewelry”.... it’s an effort for sure, but to the right people it does not go unnoticed :)
  8. stephanie August 21, 2020 at 11:48 am #
    I think it is: Fellowen or Fallopian or Wellow or Wollow or Fellowess. I think fellowess is best. It's like lioness. Or why don't we just say lioness. Fellow/Lioness - solved that problem. Happy Birthday
  9. Lacy Haguewood August 21, 2020 at 12:11 pm #
    "Hey you guys!" will never die. See what I did there? If you know, you know.
  10. Renae August 21, 2020 at 12:24 pm #
    I think Lady is akin to Fella, "This is my fella" and "This is my lady" kind of go hand in hand. Navy blazers, maybe something with a shawl collar? Loved this post...I say guys to refer to a group of people, no matter who is involved. If people are offended, sorry not sorry. I CAN'T do all of the things. Happy birthday!! Hope your weekend is spectacular. BTW, when are you getting bangs? Both of your kids rock 'em...it seems like you will too!
  11. Emily M August 21, 2020 at 12:36 pm #
    Imma Birthday SIS!! I got my Sancerre for Sunday. :) ooohhh, maybe I need to stuff some bell peppers too tonight for dinner. I have all the stuff. I am no help on the blazer, but yes J. Crew is still open. What about Banana Republic?? I tend to say "hey gang" instead of "guys". Not really sure why.... probably because my Mom also used that phrase? But I am totally no offended in the LEAST. So a pal is having us for dinner tomorrow night for bday celly, and then lunch with family sunday. and also lots of vegging out and READING. ::going to download THE GUEST LIST:: Happy happy Birthday!!!!
  12. Nicole August 21, 2020 at 12:46 pm #
    Hi Y'all.... Cute linen blazer. https://www.madewell.com/linen-dorset-blazer-AL664.html?dwvar_AL664_color=NA5334&cgid=apparel-jacketscoats-blazers#start=2
  13. hammondzoo August 21, 2020 at 1:15 pm #
    I watched the Bookshop On-Demand awhile ago and it was wonderful! For the hey guys reference, I am transplanted to South Carolina and refuse to say y'all. What I do struggle with, and make myself correct, is referring to a group of girls as "hey guys". If it is all girls, I make myself say, hey girls or ladies because I feel like they/we deserve it. :) If it is a mix, I don't think too hard about it. :)
  14. Sara B August 21, 2020 at 4:37 pm #
    "Guys" doesn't bother me in the least, and I say it all the time. I think the only greeting that I don't like is if a man addresses a group of women by saying some variation of "hi girls." If another girl wants to call me a girl, I don't have a problem with that either; it can just come off as condescending coming from a man. These are the arbitrary rules for greetings that live in my head :)
  15. Rose August 21, 2020 at 5:41 pm #
    Happy Birthday Bev!!!
  16. Sam August 21, 2020 at 11:17 pm #
    https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/08/guys-gender-neutral/568231/ Interesting article on how the term "guys" can be troubling for trans and gender-non conforming people. It's definitely a habit shit.
    • Kristin August 22, 2020 at 9:00 am #
      Ooh, never thought about the trans implications. Thanks for pointing that out. Also, it’s probably a typo, but I love “habit shit”. It works! And to Bev, happy birthday!
      • Bev Weidner August 22, 2020 at 11:02 am #
        I saw that, too! Habit shit - my new favorite phrase. :) And YES, the trans implications weren't anything I thought of either. Is this being woke??
  17. Caitlin August 25, 2020 at 5:11 pm #
    I prefer the neutral "Hey y'all!" :D
  18. run 3 August 27, 2020 at 3:45 am #
    Unfortunately! I really like this girl's style but unfortunately there is no chance anymore, thank you for creating a better style.
  19. Susan August 29, 2020 at 4:54 pm #
    We don't mind at all when you you say "Hey Guys", and we love it when you call us Bunnies!! ;)

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