Friday Flotsam

FRRRRRRRRRRerder.

You guys I GOT STUNG BY A BEE.

But, for the very first time in my entire life.

As in, I have managed to escape any and all stings for 44 years of human living on this planet earth. With bugs on it. (minus mosquitoes.)

I was running (said like Forest) two mornings ago and I was the very end of my run, the cool down, right on my street. I passed this brunette woman with a saggy ponytail watering her potted mums on her front porch. She glanced up, a nod and half smile my way. I waved back and was in the middle of saying hi when the ANKLE STING OF DEATH attacked.

I jumped no less than 20 feet straight up. I said (yelled) a choice word. She looked down at her mums. As in instinct I swatted my ankle as if a dragon had just unhinged its jaw upon my leg. I saw it flying away, the little b. I mean bee. I mean b. It HURT.

Matter of fact, if you know me, you know my crippling fear of bugs. I cannot rest if a bug is near. Especially if it’s flying. Or has a stinger. Or claws or fangs or a unibrow. My sister-in-law said to me over Labor Day (because I was having a meltdown on our back patio because a bumble bee was sucking something out of a flower I dunno I hate it all.), she goes, “Have you ever been stung by a bee?” Me, “No! Bite your tongue!” Carolyn said, “Well that’s the problem! You need to be stung. Then you’ll be fine for the rest of your life.”

. . . DO I LOOK FINE TO YOU RIGHT NOW, CAROLYN?

Thing is, since then (because I keep talking about it) it’s done nothing but itched. And has gotten red and splotchy. Aaron put a baking soda mix on it right at first because I was acting like a wounded soldier from WW2. We’ve been putting Hydrowhateverwhatever to calm the itch. It’s still itchy! You know when you get stuck by a rose thorn and that mother itches for months? THAT.

Anyway, I got stung by a bee and I now feel like menopause will be a breeze.

Do you have an address book? Does one even have an address book these days? I can’t remember what an address book even looks like.

I realized the other day that I’ve not had an actual address book since the early ’90s. Aaron said, “We should do a funny holiday card this year.” (we’ve never done a holiday card. not once. we’re not holiday card people. I’d rather be stung by a bee again.) And I looked at the alien in front of me and said, “We can’t. I don’t have an address book.”

Because an address book is what would stop someone from taking a funny photo and showing others. HMMMM WHERE SHOULD I PUT THIS HILARIOUS PHOTO ON MY PHONE?

Also, don’t get excited about a “funny holiday card”. Aaron’s all bark, zero bite.

Besides, I don’t have an address book.

This is who I am, and you can tell me what enneggaeresgvesram this falls into. I’m already visualizing my Thanksgiving meal.

I MEAN WHAT ELSE DO WE HAVE THOUGH?

We decided not to travel this year because of the obvious. Which means we’ll be home, cooking a monstrous meal for just us. And I’m just not going to do that. BUT! – I’m having the most fun in my brain brainstorming a small-batch Thanksgiving meal and what that would look like.

Buttermilk-brined Cornish game hens (adorable and super festive), something green and crunchy but with depth. A tiny creamy casserole of some sort. Fresh rolls. A pie. Doris Day and Gordon MacRae on the TV. Sancerre for days.

Yes I know it’s September, why are you looking at me like that?

POLLLLLLLLLLL-AH!

When you need to correct a typo, do you backspace to the mistake, or do you hover over the word, correct it, and then go back to where you were in your sentence?

I’m a backspacer, all the way. The mistake might be thirty words back, yet I’ll backspace the entire way back to fix it. Somehow that seems quicker to me. Is my engegneegaggram broken?

Weekend plans?

We’re gonna pick a few apples (masked up, no hay ride) with our friends early tomorrow morning at an orchard, then hang here for our annual APPLE DAY. We’ll have apple pie, apple sangria, some salsa verde chicken soup with all the toppings, popcorn, a lil’ cheese plate, natch. However it’s going to be NINETY STUPID DEGREES (we picked a late September date to avoid the warmer temps. See how that worked out for us?), so we may end up setting up the dern sprinkler and busting out a summer tunes mixtape. We’ll be fine. I got stung by a bee so I can do anything now, you know.

From this week, in case you missed it! Crunchy Shrimp and Cabbage Tostadas! Super duper for a game night. And then some Spiced Pork with Coconut Noodles. Simple but unexpected. Change it up, yo.

Also, you saw this Father of the Bride Part 3 (ish) reunion business happening tonight, right? OMGGGGGGGGG. “He’s wonderful, and brilliant, and we’re getting meeeeeeeeeaarried.”

Bye forever.

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13 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. LJ September 25, 2020 at 8:47 am #
    Oh yes still have an address book! Beautiful leather bought in Florence. Only write in pencil so I can make changes as needed.... LOVE my address book! Um yes I use it for annual Christmas cards ... I am an old fashion gal 😍
    • Bev Weidner September 25, 2020 at 10:10 am #
      Well a pretty one from Florence sounds lovely! I can get on board with that.
  2. Jennifer C. September 25, 2020 at 10:31 am #
    I had an address book back in the day and didn't leave home without it (like my phone now) but then technology happened and I started using it to log my passwords. I used the letters to sort the websites then would write my password (in pencil, of course). I also stopped sending Christmas cards around the same time. I wonder if it's related. I'm sitting here wistfully thinking about those bygone days and all I'm hearing in my head is: "Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marchin' across your face." Name that movie!
  3. Courtney September 25, 2020 at 10:47 am #
    I have an address Google sheet. I started it after gathering addresses for our wedding, but now update it and use it for Christmas cards and party invites and whatnot. It’s nice because I can pull it up on my phone or print it out. I was stung by a bee this week too! It was flying around me and I was just minding my own business and I guess it landed under my leg. So when I switched positions I sat on it and it stung me right below my butt. It itched for maybe three days.
  4. Mary Wynn September 25, 2020 at 11:20 am #
    A few years ago (who knows how long ago it was), I had a bee infestation in my classroom (I teach elementary music). We literally had fake 'beehives' to catch them. Come to find out, I guess the queen been housed herself in the ceiling tiles, and the other bees were coming to...uh...mate? Or whatever they do? Only one student got stung during that fiasco. It was right before a 2 week break, and when we came back, there had been a been genocide....they had sprayed my room. Dead bees were EVERYWHERE on the floor. I'm still not sure which situation (before or after) was worse for me!! :-)
  5. K~ September 25, 2020 at 11:29 am #
    My first bee sting was late like you , age 37. Cavaties also came late to me as well. Have a wonderful weekend.
  6. Diane September 25, 2020 at 4:29 pm #
    It couldn't have been a honeybee that stung you - honeybees die when they sting, as their stinger pulls their insides out and they die. If you saw it flying away, it wasn't a honeybee! Sounds more like a yellow jacket, which hurt like the dickens and can sting multiple times! If you ever get stung again, put some raw honey on it - it will stop the burning and itching and swelling. Yes, I'm a beekeeper! :)
    • Bev Weidner September 26, 2020 at 9:04 am #
      Well you know, I bet you're right! Because I did see it flying, it was small, maybe a baby yellow jacket? And I'm thinking it stung multiple times because the whole ankle is dotted and red. Makes sense, thank you!
      • Laura Lee September 27, 2020 at 7:39 am #
        Backspacing is dependent upon the cursor's proximity to the offending word. I do send Christmas cards but the number is dwindling year after year because it pisses me off that people don't reciprocate and if they don't then they probably don't even appreciate or enjoy getting one. It was a lovely tradition and I think it's sad people are too lazy to do it anymore. Technology is stripping us of good manners and the more pleasant parts of civilization. No- I'm NOT 80 either, just 45😆. I love the address book concept and I have an address book around here somewhere but I mostly use my phone, except for Christmas cards, I have a handwritten list on paper for that.
  7. Carleen September 25, 2020 at 5:18 pm #
    My daughter does a Christmas card and only has 10 printed that she sends that to the grandparents and aunts uncles etc. Then she just emails the card to everyone else. It is so great to still be able to see everyone’s holiday card even if it’s just emailed!
  8. Leslie September 25, 2020 at 6:21 pm #
    I still have an address book. My grandma got it for me and it has labels you can stick over people’s addresses when they move so you can add the new one. I am also a backspacer. Always have been, always will be. People seem to comment on how fast I type, but little do they know, it is mostly me just deleting my mistakes! 😂
  9. Kathleen Lane October 2, 2020 at 12:32 pm #
    Oh my goodness thank you for this post. Made my morning/day. Bees (yes stung multiple times by all kinds), and the friggin' holiday cards/address book issue. Every year. Mostly ignore these days, but used to be such a thing. Backspace all the way!
  10. madalin stunt cars 2 October 4, 2020 at 4:43 am #
    Definitely try this recipe! Thank you for sharing!

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