FARDAR. I need help! You’re like, “HOLD ON LET ME GET MY COFFEE. Okay go.” This one goes out to the one I lov – I mean traveling families. Specifically those who travel with small gremlins in a moving vehicle down a long road that you’re operating. I’m starting to wrap my head around the […]
FFFFFFFFFFrahdeh. Can we talk about face rollers? . . .Yeah like, face rollers! Is that not the word? Hold on. I’ll ask Mr Goog. Quit looking at me like that. Okay, FACIAL rollers. I was close. What ARE they? What do they do? All of a sudden I’m seeing them everywhere, with everyone, on all […]
Fr- 2 4 6 8 who do we apprecia -IDAY. (<–that didn’t work.) Okay, girls. WHERE MY LADIES AT. WHERE MY BOOS BE. WHERE MY BAES STAY. This is already incredibly uncomfortable. Who here uses Poshmark? And also, what is Poshmark? Is it like ebay? Because it seems weird, but I just might be old […]
Flippidy floppidy frippidy Friday. Ruggies! Wait, let me start over. Ruggers! Okay hold on. RUG LOVERS. (there we go.) I need a rug. A giant rug. Like, a Herculean area rug of mammoth proportions. BECAUSE, guess what. Remember how we talked about leather sofas a few weeks back? Wellllll, we got one! THE ONE. Article […]
F r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r i i i i i i i i i i d d d d d d d d d a a a a a a a a a. Y. Okay. Mom friends. Mom friends of tiny, germy gremlins. I […]
FeeeeeeeeeeeeRILLY DEE DO DAY. I’m warning you now, today’s Flotsam is basically one Herculean poll. I mean, POOOOOOLLLLLLLL-ah! It’s what I do leave me alone. First up! Curling iron or a curing wand? I’ve always used a curling iron. A one-inch Conair from the ’80s. But it seems like KIDS THESE DAYS are more into […]
Fmmmmmmmmusay! I mean Frilay. Frimay. Friqay. Fribay. Friday. I MEAN, I just think a boob reduction should be an at-home kit. You’re like, “What is happening is right now.” I’m not talking about a boob JOB, those should be at the doctor. But if you want to reduce them? Totally an at-home kit. Okay, maybe […]
FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. Just kidding. It’s Groundhog Da – right. YOU GUYS, I just watched a live stream of Punxstatssdksdhfy Phil and he saw his shadow. He saw his shadow. Which means, six more weeks of winter. But, of course he saw his shadow, there were camera lights right on him and […]
Fridayyyyyyyyyiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah. I used to powder my armpits. Like when I was in elementary school and junior high. Maybe even part of high school. I would powder my armpits. Like, before putting on deodorant. I powdered. With a giant white puff and a small cream plastic tub with a dainty light pink floral design around it. […]
F yadirriday. BOTH KIDS POOP ON THE POTTY. HAPPILY. GLEEFULLY. WILLINGLY. NO TEARS. NO STRUGGLES. They are potty trained. I’m reading the words on my screen and I want to cry. It is done. It took nearly 8 months from beginning to end. But they are trained. And don’t you dare use the word “regression” […]
