Friday Flotsam

Fralemtime’s Fray! (just kidding don’t delete me from your life.)

OKAY.

(you’re like, oh no.)

I want to ask you something serious, and I need to you mentally and emotionally prepare yourself for it. It’s a big ask. Your answer will violently stir and rumble your soul in a way you didn’t think possible.

Here we go.

When you load the dishwasher, do you put the fork tines up? Or down?

Guys I have never even once t h o u g h t about this as an actual domestic option until it was brought up in my book that I’m finishing this morning gosh darnit or else.

I always have the tines up. Every time. Because if you put them facing down, they’ll poke through the holes of the flatware container thingy and get stuck and bent in the washing process and then you’ll have to buy new forks. Won’t they? Wait is that the earth toppling off its axis? Why does my hair feel weird.

Because in my book it’s a MAJOR source of contention between this husband and wife. And when I read it was like, “This is an actual thing people fight about? What have I been missing out on?!”

Tines up! <–said like Midge Maisel.

I want to introduce you all to a game and see if a) you already know it and play it all the time, or b) you’ve never heard of it and now you want to make the rest of your life about it.

When I was in New York, I was having wrap drinks with my two producers, and I casually said, “You guys I’ve been watching reruns of my favorite show this week in the mornings and night and it’s giving me so much joy. Guess what the show is.” (<–because I can’t just tell you the show like a normal person.) And then what happened after that opened a whole new world for myself and others around me until I die. Joshua asked, “Is it more like . . . Law and Order or more like . . . Everybody Loves Raymond?” And for a second I thought he was just asking in an absurd way. Then I realized, WAIT THIS IS A GAME. I AM TRANSFORMING INTO A NEW PERSON THIS INSTANT.

And I said, “It’s more like Everybody Loves Raymond.” And then Katy asked because she knew the game and I didn’t, “Is it more like Everybody Loves Raymond . . . or more like Jeopardy?” And my heart spilled over with a glee river because this is the best moment of life.

I said, “It’s more like Everybody Loves Raymond.” on the verge of tears.

See where this is going? You narrow down based on your answer! How have I never known about this game?!

And Joshua said, “Is it more like Everybody Loves Raymond . . . or more like Friends?”

And I said, “It’s more like Friends.”

Katy goes, “Is it more like Friends . . . or more like Seinfeld?”

“IT’S SEINFELD!,” I screamed a little too loud for human ears in public. They got it! How much fun was that?! Wait, did you leave?

So basically I’ve been playing this 2306456% of the time since I’ve been home and I’m not annoying anyone at all.

(Ashlee, you better believe we’re playing this next weekend at our unicorn party.)

(you’re like, “unicorn party? is that a code for drugs?” wouldn’t you like to know.)

I have something to admit to you, and it’s not going to any sense at all, given who I am. And I need you all to just try and understand it, wrap your heads around it, offer me compassion and a healing hand, so that we can work through it together.

Here we go.

I’ve never seen Pretty in Pink or Sixteen Candles in their entirety.

I should just end this whole website right here, right now.

I’ve seen scenes! Snippets! Little parts here and there! But never from top to bottom, and I’m nervous to ask this but, should I?

Which one is better? Which one would be perfect for tonight? Aren’t they the same exact movie? Wait, did you throw your laptop in a lake?

Quiz! See if you can do this without looking at the internet. (Aaron and I did this just the other morning, but we need lives.)

Name everyone in the Brat Pack! And while you’re at it, name everyone in the RAT Pack!

Go!

You know, Andrew McCarthy and Paul Rudd have a slightly similar vibe. But Paul could take Andrew down any day of the week.

#ruddforever

Weekend plans?

Are you the type to go big on Valentine’s Day? Or do you keep it chill? I’m 100% in the chill camp. We’ll get a “tiny family love cactus”, like always, and a glass of rosé with chocolates at Andrés, like always. Cozy and cute. Oh! I’m also putting together a little scavenger hunt for the kids after school today. I bought some lip balms (normal) and those little clear tubes of Hershey kisses with the heart at the top (classic) and I’m writing out little clues all over the house to find them. That’s it! And then Pretty in Pink or Sixteen Candles based on what you tell me. And if Aaron doesn’t stick me out in the snow at the mention of either of those movies.

I bet Paul Rudd would watch with me.