Freh! Ri! Deh! Ay! Can we talk makeup for a hot sec? ALL THE BAES BE LIKE JEAH, QUEEN. (<–total douche sentence. let’s just move forward.) It’s been a looooong time since I’ve used Glossier, but apparently according to the current Facebook and Instagram algorithm, their ads in my face every other hour have other […]
Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmy f key is still STUCK. I need help! You’re like, “How does this lady navigate through her own life?” So next weekend we’re having friends (with tiny kids) over for a spooooooky October backyard movie night. No listen it’s perfect, the sun goes down at 6:55pm. The temps are cool and crisp and snuggly […]
FFFFFFFFFFFFFeebers. Feebay. Freeders. Friday. Friyay? Looking at these daisies I’m like, HUNNERT PERCEYENT plantin’ a giant daisy patch next spring. You know how when someone sniffs a carton or tub of food, you can’t eat it after that? (changing subjects pretty fast here) Like, you could buy cottage cheese that morning, fresh from the market, […]
FF ff would you believe my f key is STUCK? FFF like stuck. I actually just popped it out! The f key just came o my keyboard. OFF my keyboard. What do I do?! It’s bright under there. Like a little glowy alternate universe with tiny men in silver jumpsuits and gray hair and wait […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRR! You’re like, “She didn’t even finish that non word.” Guys lately I can’t tell the difference between mosquitoes and eye floaters. And I look insane in public. You know what I mean, those little eye floater thingies? It’s that tiny traveling speck of fuzz that you THINK you see and you try to focus […]
FRRRRRRRguesswhat. It’s my birthday! You’re like, “Well crap, now I’m obligated to read the rest of this post.” DANCE, PUPPETS, DANCE. But you’ll like this. The other day the kids were (sort of) decorating these shoe boxes that they’re taking to school today that will act as their “Reading Treasure Boxes” for the rest of […]
FAAAAAAAARAAAAAADAAAAAAAAH. I need help! You’re like, “how about let me wake up first.” You know I’m a Kindergarten mom newbie. A mewbie. A mombie. Nope. Give me some snack ideas to send with the kids to school everyday! I know you vet moms are LOCKED AND LOADED with tricks and you better spill it. They’re […]
FREEBIE FROOBIE FRIBAY. . . . day. I meant day. What’s the deal with the purple shirt on the lady woman emoji? Why purple? No one likes purple. Unless it’s a lavender shade, but it’s not. It’s a bright b-hole purple. And it’s supposed to represent human fashion choices?! Think again, Chachi. Why can’t we […]
Frrrrroopy droopy doopy doo. (doo) Guys I have the most humiliating story in the entire world to tell you. You’re going to disown me. I would disown me, too. I already did. So last week, my girl Ashlee slides into my dm (just kidding) sends me a message via Facebook messenger. It’s sort of late […]
FRRRRRRRAH! duh. How are you with honking? I don’t mean like, what does it look like when your hand lays on the horn. More like, do you honk? Is honking something you’re into? Are you a breezy honker? (“You can’t say you’re breezy! It negates the breezy!”) I can’t honk. I can’t do it. Even […]
