“I know there’s pain. WHY DO YOU LOCK yourself up in these chains?” (these chains.) Yep. I finally watched Bridesmaids last night. You guys, I’m still coming to terms with the unbelievable fact that my agent didn’t contact me for an audition. a) Kristin Wiig is my sista-from-anotha-motha. *SPOILER ALERT* b) The bestest and most […]
I need to start this post with an apology, because what I’m about to do to you is unforgivably painful. It will make your face hurt. Your ears bleed. Your brain cells sizzle like root beer flavored jelly beans on a hot sidewalk in the middle of July. You will curse my name for the […]
You know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words? Well, today I’m showing you 10 pictures. You guys, that’s 10 thousand words. (apparently I think you’re lame at math.) Lucky for you I’m not going to get all “Tina the Alamo tour guide from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” on you and describe […]
I mean, could you not bathe in this?
In my 35 years as an eater, I have found that moaning, eye rolls, sobbing, shivering, losing vision, hearing and balance are usually reserved for foods that contain a gloriously sinful amount of cheese, cream, and carbs. Or chocolate. Am I right? Are we on the same page here? I’m about to change that for […]
I’m just gonna give it to you straight. I’m in mega trouble.
Two things occurred to me yesterday. 1) It’s been a while since I’ve consumed heavy cream. That’s embarrassing. And 2) Oh, hi, little cherry tomatoes that I sort of forgot about in the back of the fridge that are about to grow arms, legs and a backpack and hitch hike out of our house and […]
I think it can happen to anyone. I wouldn’t call it a BAD thing. I just think it’s common and we shouldn’t read too much into it. Or judge. To my face. I bought a bag of dried mixed beans soup thingy from Trader Joe’s. Uh huh, the one with the instructions printed on the […]
Aaaah, the carving season is among us, my friends. Night after night, neighborhood front porches twinkle with glowing faces of doom. Some are scary. Some are funny. And some are…well, kinda jank if you ask me. This Halloween, if you’re bored to the bone with carving pumpkins, grab some fruits and veggies and exercise your […]
Okay, before you read the title of this post, break out into a clammy sweat and lunge for the browser exit, hear me out! I’m betting that if you’re like most homo sapiens, the thought of eating sardines out of a tin can is equivalent to being tarred and feathered in the middle of the […]
