Friday Flotsam

FFFFFFFFFFFFFare you ever worried how that’s going to end?

You know what makes me crazy?

You’re like, “right out of the gate, huh?“

YES. Right out of the gate, Chachi. Because I feel like there needs to be a small (tiny!) change to the way Weather.com reports their forecasts.

This is what bugs me: let’s say you’re looking at Tuesday day and Tuesday night’s forecast. And it says “Tuesday night: 1-3 inches of snow.” But then you click into the hourly and nothing at all starts until like, 2am.

ON. WEDNESDAY.

That has nothing to do at all with Tuesday night. Tuesday night wrapped its gig at midnight on the dot. Punched its card ticket. Out da do’ and down the street with its trench over its shoulder and a cigarette dangling from its lips. It’s now up to Wednesday morning to carry out the forecast. Not Tuesday night. How is this so hard.

And then it gets super tricky when you’ve just read “Tuesday night: snow 1-3 inches” and then “Wednesday: snow 1-3 inches” and then “Wednesday night: snow 1-3 inches.”

OKAY HOLD UP. Are you trying to say 3-9 inches total, Weather.com? Or more like 2-6, since you’ve DOUBLE REPORTED in those wee hours? Don’t double report, man! This is entirely too much to figure out.

I’ve been getting fantastic sleep, why do you ask?

Tell me something.

When you go to the grocery store, what does your grocery list look like?

As in, is it in your phone? Or do you carry around a note pad or legal pad with a ball point between your fingers?

I’m team legal pad. And let me tell you why. How else are you supposed to mark off the items as you strategically tetris them into your cart? Oh, I’m SUUUURE there’s some app that lets you wiggle your phone or do the Hokey Pokey as you make your way down the list (for heaven’s sake), but I don’t know what that is, and I prefer a satisfying scribble. And it has to be black ink. Always.

I ask because the other day I was at the grocery store and I ran into my hair stylist and we BOTH HAD LEGAL PADS. (the small kind, simmer down) But it had truly and genuinely never occurred to me that there could be any other way to carry a grocery list. And she was like, “Look, we both have note pads for grocery lists! We’re so retro!” And I was like, “Mine even says legal pad!” and we laughed so hard in our Dolly Parton K925s right next to the avocados.

What does your list look like?

You guys, our rice is molding the same.

Our Love/Hate rice. It’s molding at the exact same rate. BUT – we keep forgetting to talk to it, so I’m sure that’s why. I can’t help but feel completely ridiculous waxing poetic to a damn carton of cooked rice about how pretty it is, and lovely it is to have it in our home. I can’t.

But to my surprise, what I can’t handle ever more is the negative talk. It makes me feel weird to tell RICE that I hate it. That it’s ugly. Like honestly, what sort of psycho tells rice it wants it to die. I can’t have that energy up in here! I’d have to sage the doorways everyday and howl at the moon for an hour to level it all out! No.

We’re throwing the rice out tonight.

I think there should be an unspoken rule that anyone the same age as you or above 20 or older than you but you’re older than 20 should not call you kiddo.

WE ARE THE SAME AGE. AND I AM FORTY FIVE. Don’t call me kiddo.

I can call my 8 year olds kiddo. And that’s where it ends. If you call me kiddo I am giving you the hate rice. End of story.

Weekend plans?

We’re having our farm friends over tomorrow afternoon for drinks and smoked cajun soup. It’s going to be 56 degrees, kiddo!

I’m also gonna finish Golden Hotel (totally into it) and will start Firefly Lane right after. Also also, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, we’ll be cheering for the Chiefs on Sunday. I know less than nothing about football, but I DO know that the buzzing energy of this city is palpable, and that Mahomes is a wizard, so we’re gonna buffalo SOMETHING and peep it. Just how impressed are you with this information?

From this week, in case ya missed it::: Penne with Arugula and Sausage! Super simple and so delicious you will punch something. And then the Loaded Thai Chicken Salad! Flavor and texture for months. Just surrender.

LAST THING, I’m gonna post a cute little festive Valentine’s Day gift list in Stories tomorrow (like five things because it’s just fun) – would you want a bonus weekend post with links in here, too? Or just in Stories. I’m happy to do either or both or none. Except not none. Whacha thank? Let me know. If you want. No big deal. I’m breezy!