FRRRRRRRAH! duh. How are you with honking? I don’t mean like, what does it look like when your hand lays on the horn. More like, do you honk? Is honking something you’re into? Are you a breezy honker? (“You can’t say you’re breezy! It negates the breezy!”) I can’t honk. I can’t do it. Even […]
FFFFFFFFFRSAMDAYIDFLRFF. (<—miss me? don’t answer that.) Does anyone actually know what a sump pump looks like? No. No one does. Not even the men or women that install them. No one knows what a sump pump looks like. I don’t know what a sump pump looks like. It dawned on me the other day that […]
FLIBBERS FLOOBERS FRIDDERS DAY. My nose always itches when I run the kitchen sink water. Isn’t that weird? Always. I’ll be gearing up to tackle the dishes, completely fine, itch free, and then I flip the water on, and as soon as the water + soap touches my hands and begins to lather, my nose […]
FRRRRRRRee! Tree. Tri. Dri. Di. Fri. Day. You know how people always say, “Sorry to beat a dead horse.” That old phrase, ya know? Where did that come from? It’s so dark! And awful. How does one just throw that visual out there all casually in conversation? And why a horse? Who came up with […]
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFrah rah ree ree roo roo day. I mean day! Okay. I decided that one of my least favorite things in life is the sound of an electrician or plumber. Like, the noises they make from a room away. It gives me such anxiety! I need to be AWAY from it all, I’ve decided. You […]
FFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRoooohah! So we need to talk. Real talk. Life talk. Serious stuff. Woman to woman. Er, fingertips to eyeballs. Can we talk about neck masks? Now before you roll your eyes all, “BEV YOU MUST ACCEPT THE WHOLE TIME CONTINUUM THING” – no. I mean yes. Yes it’s there. Yes I (sort of) accept it. […]
FAAAAALFALRALRALDALDAL day. Dude I had the worst dream just now. Just right now before I woke up this morning. Like an hour ago. Worst dream. It was one of those anxiety dreams, you know, like when you’re on campus but you have no idea where your classroom is, or when the test is, or where […]
FLLLLLLLLLLLOTSAM COME ON DOOOOOOOWWWWWWN. Were you a latchkey kid? Do you remember latchkey kids? Do we still call them latchkey kids? As in, you got home after school and your parents weren’t there until hours later? After THEIR work day was over. Was that you? Did you absolutely love it? I never grew up that […]
FFFFFFFFFFFslkdfjslkfjsldjfiday. I have something to tell you. And I’m not sure how you’ll take it, truthfully. I mean, it’s hefty. Scary. Big. It’s something I’ve kept hidden deep in the chambers of my soul cavity for nearly 20 years. Only a handful of close friends knew of this darkness within me. Them, and the handfuls […]
FRRRRRRRRUDERDAYDOODAH. I brushed my teeth with sunscreen. NOT ON PURPOSE, ya yahoo! Complete accident. Both are white. Both are also in a white tube. Both also have the exact same labeling. The only difference is the cap. One is flip up, and the other is twist off. But in my late night lethargic manner (and […]
