Friday Flotsam

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFrooloobooboo.

Who came up with “selling like hotcakes?” And what exactly are hotcakes? Are we talking about pancakes here? Like a pancake breakfast? Like a Saturday morning pancake breakfast at the high school gym?

I realize I could look this up, but you’re cuter.

Well I’ve got some thoughts on this. (shocker, I know.)

Why would anything sell like hotcakes? Pancakes are not great, you guys. We learned this from Mitch Hedberg many a year ago. “All exciting at first, but by the end you’re sick of ’em.” So why do they sell again? Who’s even buying these “hotcakes.” I’d rather have a breakfast burrito, sir.

And if we’re going by the same principle, pancakes are made up of flour, eggs and sugar. Well so is . . . like everything else. Why is everything else not selling nearly at the speed of hotcakes? And what if the cakes get COLD? Are they still selling? Or do they have to be hot? Can they be lukewarm cakes?

“These are selling like lukewarm cakes!”

“Get your room-temp cakes right here, folks!”

Does that work? Could it? Should we try it?

These are the things I think about at night and all the time.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about lately is leopard print. (don’t x out!) Or, “leapord” print, as my fingers would prefer to type.

For the LONGEST time I’ve not been attracted to the whole animal print craze. My brain stubbornly placed it in a category of “real housewivesy” from the get-go and never imagined any sort of wavering.

But. Okay.

I’ve wavered.

Really, don’t x out!

You guys, I’ve figured out HOW IT CAN WORK FOR ME. To make a long story long, my friend Lacy has been trying to get on the leapord leopard print train forEVAR (Sandlot style), and I’ve stomped my feet and refused like a snotty toddler.

And theeeeeen when I was in New York last week, my producer Katy and I were dressed head-to-toe the exact same (dark green turtle neck and charcoal pants), but as we were heading out for wrap drinks, homegirl had the most adorable, French-girl leapord leopard print beret on and ALL THE LIGHT BULBS WENT OFF in my head. Ding ding ding ding ding!

I immediately texted Lacy, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooow I get it.”

My phone exploded in my hand half a nano later, “WHAT? NO. NO. I’ve been telling you for years! This is complete bullsh!—” Gotta go get drinks, bye, Lace!

I figured it out. And I’m going tell you something you all already know but I’m an idiot and it takes me a long time with life things.

It has to be subtle. Little tiny things here and there. A belt, a beret. Maybe a mule. A fitted a-line skirt. French-girl chic. Accents, not a zoo parade of silliness.

As in, it can’t be like ’80s cougar lady. (no pun intended.) No overly drapey rayon blouses with shoulder pads from Chico’s. (no offense to anyone who shops at Chico’s.) (watch, I’m going to buy a drapey shirt in like 20 minutes from Chico’s.) (also, I’m not.)

QUESTION: what’s your take on animal print? Do you sport it? Avoid it? Wish you could wear it? Still trying to find your place in it? Just need a taco?

(also, I’ve got a leopard print beret-off in Stories, if none of you have a life and wish to humor me. spoiler alert: this one won.)

To my surprise, I’ve gotten a handful of questions from you guys about our potential house renovation! Well gosh! You’re sweet, thanks for even remembering or caring that we want to do this! I’m going to include one more exclamation point right here before we move on!

Okay. So the update there is tiny. But it’s still something. You know we had our architect/designer friends over mid-January to visualize, dream, fantasize. So since then we’ve gotten the unofficial approval from the city to start. Which means a survey has been ordered which maps out the footprint of the house, and the expansion footprint. Once that’s drafted, we’ll get another approval from the city, and it’s turned back to us for design! So in like, three weeks we’ll know more. And go from there. And gulp at the cost. And cry for a week. Then think about bath floor tile, soaker tubs and energy-efficient windows. #grownuppy

Once this aaaactually gets going later this year (I’m a sissy in the cold), would you be interested in actual blog posts on the progress? Decisions we make, the gutty demo, paint choices, me crying at how much it costs. I love that kind of stuff (minus me crying at the cost), and I feel like lots of you do, too. So if you dig, I’ll post!

Dig, hahahahaha! Ha hah a hh ah ah a.

h hah ah.

ha?

BOOK UPDATE: I’m nearing the halfway point of The Most Fun We Ever Had. I like it! I feel like we’re finally getting somewhere. Things are starting to reveal itself and I’m like, WHAT. Which is vague and obnoxious, I know.

Have you read it? Are you reading it? Did you love it?

That’s all.

Weekend plans?

We have basically nothing! When I say “nothing” I mean a visit to the vet this morning for Lil’s C’s yearly shots (don’t tell her), a meeting this afternoon with my beloved French Market to brainstorm another workshop for spring (would you come?!), two hall closets that desperately need a guttin’ and reorgin’ (or maybe just burn them down?), and a 6 year old’s cupcake and pajama birthday party on Sunday. So yeah, basically nothing.

Wait, are you googling leopard print belts? I hear they sell like hotcakes!