Friday Flotsam


I’ve come to know something about myself lately. And I can’t decide if it’s attitude or age or the general handout of life drama. You tell me.

These days, anytime someone says to me, “You know so and so, right?” My immediate response is, “Yes, why, is he dead?”

Everyone is immediately dead before I get confirmation.

And oh! PHOTOS ON INSTAGRAM. The other day Neil Patrick Harris posted a photo of himself with Elton John, but before reading the caption, my knee-jerk assumption was, “AARON, ELTON JOHN DIE- hold on. No, he’s fine. It’s just his birthday. Never mind.”

I can’t handle photos like this. I assume everyone is dead.

It kind of goes along with the feeling that if your PHONE RINGS, something is terribly wrong. Why is my mom calling me? Why is she not just texting? “WHAT HAPPENED? WHO DIED?”

Her, “No one, I was just going to ask about dates to come see you.”

We can’t even talk about what happens to me when the FRONT DOOR BELL RINGS. We’re getting murdered. That’s what’s happening.

Which doesn’t make sense because why would the murderer ring the doorbell first? He wouldn’t. Yet in my head that’s the natural traumatic chain of events.

I’m fine, how are you?

Remember the days before cell phones (or maybe just SMART phones) when you’d dial a number, and pause right before pressing that last digit because then it would start dialing and what if you’re not ready? This is a real issue! You have to be PREPARED when pressing that last digit because it is on now. They’re about to answer. Do you have your opener prepared? No? I knew it.

I remember that feeling when smart phones came out, and pressing that final digit, but STILL needing to press the little green phone to dial. What a relief! There’s still time to double check to make sure you entered in the right numbers. Oh, the flood of solace experienced is like none other.

I do have a few human friends, why do you ask?

The other day Nat said to me, “You know what words I don’t like? Group hug.” I don’t think I’ve had a more proud mom moment to date than that.

Also, the other night I overheard Will say to Aaron in his tender little voice before bed, “I can’t decide if I should write a book or do yoga.”

Between that and group hug I am DONE.


Do you wear gloves when washing dishes? And if you do, do they not bother you? The loose rubber around each finger doesn’t make you insane? You don’t ever curse when washing dishes? Really? You’re serious?

Weekend plans?

Our temps are so skitzo it is LOONY trying to make plans. Window boxes maybe? Get the herb garden in, perhaps? Get my patio curtains up, definitely. Finish American Dirt, for sure. Aaron’s smoking another huge honkin’ brisket today and I’m conflicted with the emotions it bestows upon me. I’ll deal.

Also, who else was mildly obsessed with the giant container ship that was stuck in the Suez Canal a couple of weeks ago? It was all I could think about! I’m already excited for the made-for-tv movie when it comes out in five years because you know there will be one.

From this week, in case you missed it! :::: Angel Hair Pasta with Marinated Tomatoes and Seared Scallops! Crazy simple with exquisite flavors. And Skillet Gnocchi with Roasted Broccoli and Ricotta! Another stunner that takes no time at all. Get in both!

I mean, “group hug” truly is super gross.

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15 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Christine April 9, 2021 at 8:24 am #
    Woman, you ain’t right but I love you for it!
  2. Jen April 9, 2021 at 8:41 am #
    I love your kids’ comments. The best! Have a great weekend.
  3. Kristin L April 9, 2021 at 8:49 am #
    I really want to wear gloves when I wash dishes because my hands get really dry, especially in the winter... but I just can’t do it. Like maybe if they were a snug fit? But they’re all loosely-goosey on my fingers and hands and the feeling of the loose gloves and the water and the... it’s just... weird. I can’t do it.
  4. Alyssa April 9, 2021 at 9:32 am #
    I can’t wait to watch the Suez Canal movie. Two bags of popcorn, please. :)
  5. Amanda April 9, 2021 at 10:16 am #
    I just did this with an Instagram photo recently too! 😂 like the only reason a celebrity would post a photo with another celebrity is because the other one is dead obviously…
    • Bev Weidner April 9, 2021 at 10:34 am #
      Exactly! Why are they doing this to us?? :)
  6. Nicole April 9, 2021 at 10:24 am #
    Please DO NOT ring my doorbell or call me. The absolute dread of it. Also, when my car calls somebody that I absolutely do not want to call while I am screaming CANCEL!!
  7. Kimberly April 9, 2021 at 10:37 am #
    Have you seen Sebastian Maniscalso's stand up special when he talks about what happens when the doorbell rings? It is hilarious. Also I know you haven't watched Ted Lasso because you would be talking about it here so I am just going to remind you that you should watch it ASAP. It is SO GOOD!
    • Shannon April 9, 2021 at 4:55 pm #
      I second the Ted Lasso recommendation. Far and away the best thing I've seen this year.
  8. Amanda April 9, 2021 at 10:43 am #
    LOL the group hug is hilarious. I’m not obsessed with the ship stuck thing but I have been wondering how it’s impacting shipping which makes me want to know if you ever got your refrigerator???...
  9. Ann April 9, 2021 at 12:21 pm #
    I will NEVER wear gloves while washing dishes or gardening! I just....can’t! I hate the feeling of dishwashing gloves...HATE IT! YUCK! As for gardening, I NEED to feel the dirt. I drag my fingernails through a bar of soap first. Therefore the dirt doesn’t get up under there and my hands are easier to clean. Of course if I am pruning wayward anything....I just have my husband do it.🤪
  10. shawnna April 9, 2021 at 4:53 pm #
    hey girl- u are so funny! U sound like me a lot. ha ha When my Mom mentions a name (celebrities?) I think- Have they died? crazy huh? Sometimes I am right.hmmm. Have a great weekend.
  11. Erin Lanz April 9, 2021 at 7:45 pm #
    The sight of dish gloves makes me queasy. It’s like someone put a plunger next to the kitchen sink.
  12. Irene April 10, 2021 at 1:23 am #
    Yes to pictures on IG and thinking people have died, phone anxiety (I wonder if my mom get anxious every time I call her? Sorry mom), of course murderers might ring the doorbell (effective way to get in after all), and the dish gloves have to be high quality (not the cheap yellow ones), fit tight and silver lined (hands will crack up and die without them, rather deal with somewhat annoying gloves than that).
  13. Becky April 10, 2021 at 5:21 pm #
    Anyone else have their mind go elsewhere when you read “Aaron’s smoking...”? Just me?

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