Friday Flotsam


Okay so why are we cutting so much?

What’s with all this cutting?

We cut a rug. We cut in while we’re cutting a rug. We cut the cheese. We cut the mustard. We cut it out. We try to cut down. We cut time. We cut ties. We cut our losses. We get cut off. We cut corners. We take short cuts. We hope we make the cut. We cut in line. We cut up in class.

You’re like, “cut to the chase.


(two cups of coffee in and apparently I’m Seinfeld.)

These are the things I think about at night and all the time. CUT!

Here’s something else I think about.

And I want to know what you think about this. Or if you ever have thought about this. Because from now on you will.

When you go to someone’s house, family or friend, doesn’t matter (obviously back in time before pandemic land) and they’ve got snacks, do those snacks reflect them? Or who they think you are? Like, let’s say they’ve got some junk food in a snack bowl, do you find yourself wondering, “Do they always have this at home? Or do they have it because I’m here? Is this the way they snack? I mean I’ll eat it, I’m no animal.”

And you can’t ask them. Because then it just comes out super jerk face. “Do you always have a 72-pack of diet Shasta next to this bulk family pack of mini Butterfingers in the pantry?” Because what if they say, “Yeah, only when you’re here because I know how much you love them!”

Yes, I do. But the question is, why do they think I do? –she asked, ripping open her third Butterfinger.

Should I be judging? Or should I feel judged?


(p.s. just so we’re all clear, I’ve actually never had a sip of diet Shasta.)

(the Butterfinger we’ll just leave out of this conversation.)

This might come as a surprise to you, but naturally I’m a jumpy person.

Hard to believe, I know.

If I think about a cockroach too long, then everything around me becomes a cockroach. Spots appear on the walls and the floors and I jump, gasp and yip. If I think about a wasp for too long, everything around me becomes a wasp. EYE FLOATERS IN MY OWN EYES scare the living sh out of me.

And you know what really gets me? Pillow feathers. They’re spiders, you see. If a tiny feather escapes from a throw or bed pillow, I can’t rest until it’s removed from my everything.

Are you like this?

Wait, did you x out?

Speaking of, a giant dragon bee chased Aaron around the yard yesterday and stung him twice.

I almost can’t even talk about it without both laughing and barfing.

He was tiptoeing barefoot through our raspberry bush, reaching over to grab a huge ripe berry, when the dragon bee flew up in his face and straight up into his hair. HURL.

He stumble ran out of the garden and into the yard shooing it away from him and slapping himself in the face as the bee freaking chased him. Like, after him. On purpose and with intent. Yelling, “I think there’s a hive over there!,” Nat goes, “COOOOOOOL!,” and Will goes, “NOOOOOOO!” and I locked all the doors and ran and hid under my bed.

Guys, he’s literally standing next to me right now pouring coffee talking about how he’s going to rig a homespun mesh DIY BEE MASK OR SOMETHING. What is happening right now. He wants to INVESTIGATE that area to see if there’s a hive. He said, “You’re welcome to join me.”

Obviously we have to sell this house.

Weekend plans?

We’re going to see ACTUAL HUMANS this weekend and I could not be more excited. Before you come @ me, it’s all very safe. We’ll be 100% outside, only three people, spaced out from each other, they bring their snacks, we’ll have ours (you’re like, BUT WILL THERE BE BUTTERFINGERS). Infrared, no-touch temp check upon arrival (yes I seriously have one), sanitizers on the patio table and coffee table, and foot covers for when someone needs to pee. I feel like we’re obnoxiously, overly cautious about all this, compared to most. But it makes me feel good. So. There you have it.

Oh – if you missed it from this week, we’ve got a super delicious baked summer chicken mess with marinated tomatoes (TO DIE FOR), and a book club post yesterday! Yew best not miss either, ya hear?

You’re like, “Yes but WHY are you thinking about a cockroach on purpose?”

We may never know.

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5 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Nancy June 13, 2020 at 8:44 am #
    Can't believe I'm the first to reply and on Saturday no less! I hope you enjoy time with your friends. I've been getting together with friends since mid May and so far, so good. I feel like if we've all stayed well, then it should be ok and so far it has. Plus the stupid WHO walked back the whole transmission from asymptomatic carriers theory this week, which I won't even start on how I feel about that. On another note, what the Harry is a dragon bee? Never heard of them and I'm glad of it because I don't need anything else to worry about because I, too, am a bit jumpy! Hope you have a good weekend!
    • Bev Weidner June 14, 2020 at 8:22 am #
      Nancy, me either! I seriously spent a good portion of Friday wondering, "Did I say something wrong? What did I do? What did I not do? I thought it was a fun post!" :) Thanks for the comment. And on the bee - I'm just being dramatic. :) Have a great weekend!
  2. Amy W June 13, 2020 at 8:39 pm #
    Jumpy? What? Who? Ahhh! I hear ya ! It’s important to be around humans. I know this because my husband and I have been carrying on lengthly conversations with our dog. We need humans, we need friends. Have a fun weekend Bev!
  3. Rebekah S June 14, 2020 at 2:46 pm #
    The “cut” paragraph is hilarious. I never thought about it that way. Got more tomatoes today so i can make the marinated tomatoes yet again. It’s so dang delicious. I ended up eating the leftovers from the last batch with Triscuits. I think it’s may end up being a staple that’s just always in my fridge. Like butter.
  4. Laura June 15, 2020 at 9:04 pm #
    Ahhh I’m not alone. I have recently become extremely paranoid of wasps or anything that stings! The eye floaters thing is FOR REAL. I immediately assume a wasp is in my face.

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