Frrrrrrrrrrrr i d a i y a y a h a h.

I have a confession to make.

And it’s rather shocking, given my . . . everything.

And I’m going to tell you now to get it out there and over with. I think we’ll all feel better after this.

Here goes . . .

I don’t like bird watching.

I don’t. I do not care about watching birds fly around. I want to care.

Actually I don’t. I don’t feel it’s necessary to my personal wellness or human growth to care about watching birds. Thing is, I like birds! That’s what’s weird. I like drawings of birds, photos of birds. Heck, I’ll put a bird on it. But I will not WATCH THEM AS A HOBBY. Do you see this stack of books I have to get through?

I know so many people find bird watching “so relaxing” and “super interesting” and I’m like, nope. And if one even flies at my head we are done.

Aaron and Nat LOVE to bird watch. They’ve got BOOKS, you guys. Books on Kansas birds. Books on American birds. Books on birds all over the world and I’m like, “YEAH BUT JEN AND SIMON WERE TOGETHER BEHIND MARIANNE’S BACK, SOOOO.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. We’ve got a robin who’s made a little nest on our front porch (like up on top of the post thingy) and I do watch that. I watch her fly away from me and yell at my face every time I walk out to water the plants or sweep. And sure, I’ll watch her feed her throaty bebe heads once they hatch. I’ll watch that. I’m not dead inside. But don’t ask me to watch a Cooper’s hawk swarming around a yellow finch or that cow bird with his eye on that Clark’s nutcracker – you lost me. I’m out.

Please don’t tell me I’m alone in this.

Speaking of, what is Tik Tok?

And I’m honestly not trying to be ironic, or a grandma, or an ironic grandma. I REALLY DO NOT KNOW.

This is what I don’t get. It’s only for dancing? Is it like Vine all those years ago? Does Tik pick the dance for you and you Tok it out? All I ever see are dancers. So much dancing. But like, only robotic dancing. Families lined up in a row with stoic faces making awkward, stiff moves with their arms and legs.

Can you do anything else in Tik Tok besides dancing? Like bird watching?

I don’t get it.

Should I get an account?

I should get an account.

I’ll dance.

(I won’t dance.)

Speaking of, you know what I like to do when I’m alone in my car?

I should rephrase – you know what I like to do the two times over the last seven weeks that I was alone in my car? I practice voices. Like, character voices. The three I’m working on now are Lois from Family Guy, Kitty from That ’70s Show and Diane from Cheers.

Wait, did you x out?

This is the fun part (to me and literally only me), I like to go back and forth between Lois and Kitty’s voices, because they’re similar. Both nasaly, both higher in pitch with a northern accent. But Kitty’s a bit more paranoid and frazzled, compared to Lois’s confidence and borderline disgust.

You’re like, I have no idea what she’s talking about right now.

And theeeen to really make it fun (to me and literally only me) is to plunge mid-sentence to Diane Chamber’s deeper, pretentious, scholarly tone and see if I land it perfectly.

This is what seven weeks of self isolation can do to a person, you guys.

Speaking of, let’s talk FAVORITE MOVIE SOUNDTRACKS.

You’re like, finally something I give an ish about.

I’m working on my May mixtape that will post next Tuesday, and I’m coming up dry. I’m thinking (not soundtracks actually. I’ve done that already) maybe some instrumental chill lo-fi something or other. Background music that keeps you sane but lets you drift. And then maybe for June another round of ’90s songs? I’ve done that, too, but I feel like another round might be in order? You tell me.

BUT – that got me thinking about movie soundtracks and how they govern my soul. What’s your absolute favorite movie soundtrack? I’ll go first: Amélie. I could listen to that soundtrack thrice a day for the rest of time and would never tire of it. Never ever ever.

Followed by Dirty Dancing, obviously.

And guys, musicals don’t count. They’re BUILT around songs already. I’m talking about movies that don’t necessarily revolve around music, but the music is transportive. Like Garden State or Rushmore or Top Gun. (sorry, Lacy)

Tell me your faves! (not favs) I need something to listen to today while I’m not bird watching and ignoring Tik Tok.

Weekend plans?

BAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.