Friday Flotsam

Froo Froo Frah Frah Free Free Fri Fri DAY.

Both of my babies have enormous gaps between their front two teeth. Will’s is slightly normal looking, but you could fly Air Force Once through Nat’s gap.

Is this normal? Should we see a therapist? I mean a dentist?

A couple of nights ago I went to my girlfriend’s house for a sauna party. WHO HAS SAUNA PARTIES? Let me rephrase that, WHO HAS SAUNAS IN THEIR HOMES? What is this, 1992? Nothing could be more wonderful in life.

We all thought we’d be in there for at least half an hour, with our little cucumber waters, terry cloth bathrobes, gib gabbin’ like we do. We all cozy up in the tiny, cedar-paneled room, all five of us, and sit there. For maybe half of a millisecond.

“Oh wow, it is really hot, you guys.”

“I think my chin is sliding off. Is my chin sliding off?”

“Whatever, I’ve done hot yoga in rooms hotter than this.”

“What’s it been, twenty minutes already? Oh, 45 seconds? Oh. My. Death.”

“You guys, have my fingernails always been sand?”

“Dante, is that you??”

“Just think how happy our pores are right no-” SHUT UP, NICOLE.

So we got out. Bunch of sissies. But! I did scoop the water out of a bucket and pour it over the hot coal/rock things before leaving! My friend took a photo of me doing so, but I look like a munchkin on speed meets Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, so instead of ending up in this post, I deleted it from my phone and threw it on highway 71 and watched a semi plow over it. You’re welcome.

I have cool friends. The above quote was written by one of my dearest, Lindsay, who happens to own her very own greeting card company, Bold Face Type. Her cards are all over the country, even Target! You may/probably have bought her product before. They’re hysterical, sarcastic, never serious, and like holding an evil truth stick. Nothing like me! Wait, what?

She wrote this two nights ago on the chalkboard wall at Ash’s house, and I nearly peed my face in laughter. It was funny because as she was writing it out, she got to the, ” in yourself” and two girls behind us go, “Awww.” But I knew!! I knew she wasn’t done. She shot a glare over her shoulder, “Please…”

Lindsay’s actually writing a new book! Once it’s out, you’ll be the first to know. She’s amazing and you’ll fall in love.

Lindsay, will you hire me to be on your card company staff? Lindsay?

…Linds?

FARKEL. Have you ever played? I am so not a dice type of gal, but this tiny pocket game has won my heart. Lately Aaron and I have discovered that we’re in a serious night-routine rut. We put the babes to bed, eat some din, and collapse on the couch, watching the same dead body with the same blood stain clues and the same detectives and their mustaches on the same forensic shows.

So the other night he was like, “You know what, let’s not watch the tee vees. Let’s put on actual music and play an actual game and spend actual time together.” I was reluctant at first, of course, because who just sits around throwing dice on their coffee table like it’s 1992? I’ve already sauna’d once this week, AARON.

It is seriously a blast, you guys. Simple rules. Mostly luck, mixed in with a little bit of strategy. I’d tell you my tricks but then I’d have to kill you. And then I’d end up in prison and you’d end up on my favorite forensic show and I wouldn’t be able to even watch it and say I knew her!

This took a weird turn.

Weekend plans? We’re doing a bunch of domestic shnizz. Updating the paint job in our bathroom, a deep garage clean out/purge. Regular house/yard maintenance. I can tell you’re thrilled for me.

Next week will be a short blog week for me. One recipe on Tuesday, and my usual Flotsam at the end of the week. I’m taking a trip to Kentucky for work! I don’t want to give anything away, but it rhymes with Msapa Zohn’s Gleema Bzeadmaurters. I’ll be tasting things. Meeting the actual Zohn. Taking tours. Stuffing loads of gleema into my overnight bag to eat on the plane. You know, the usual.

giiiiiit ya weekend.