Friday Flotsam

Friday.                              !!!!!!           …….                !!!!!!!!                  .               !

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

I’d like to openly and shamelessly admit something to the world right now. I may lose readers, but that’s okay. I may lose friends, but I just have to stand up for myself right now. I might even lose FAMILY, but this is a risk I’m willing to take.

Hi, I’m Bev, and I freaking love ranch dressing.

LIKE, I LOVE IT.

For years I’ve hid this secret condiment obsession with the public, always having been told, “only sorority girls love ranch dressing,” or, “ranch dressing is for confused humans who need therapy,” or “ranch dressing is elf pee.”

I can’t go on like this anymore! You guys, I prefer it over ketchup with fries. (don’t hate!) I love to dip burgers in it. (don’t punch!) I’ll never not plunge pizza into it. (don’t paper cut!) It’s not just for raw veggie slices anymore, folks! It’s the new way of life. I feel better already.

But it has to be good ranch. I’m kind of a brat about my ranch dressing. It has to be on the thin side, a tad runny, kissed with the right amount of dill, nothing too, too tangy. I feel like only Italian restaurants have the good stuff.

Wait, should we start a Ranch Revolution? OR A RANCH SORORITY?

omg.

I’ll make tube tops!

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

Let’s play another round oooooof “How Do I Clean This One Thing?” (applause applause)

Look, you helped me out the other day on the Snapchat with my Hunter boots (olive oil! I’m going to try it. I’ll report back), and now I need more help with something else. Shocker, right?

Okay, as you know and are sick of hearing about it, I’ve been making Bittman’s no-knead bread like everysingleday for the past month. Well you know how you bake the bread in a large dutch oven? Yeah, so I use my vintage mint green Le Creuset, and I’ve been noticing that after each stint in the oven, it’s turned another puke-y barf shade of mucus yellow brown. It’s GROSS. Even with some elbow grease, and a good sudsy scrub down, it looks horrible. What do I do!? What’s the trick to getting it back to that beautiful mint green color?

I’ll moon dance on my roof in my skivvies, I ain’t skeered.

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

You know what I’ve always been terrified of? Besides everything ever?

The MILK JUG PEOPLE.

You know how when you’re shopping for milk, those scary mysterious arms violently shove milk jugs toward you from WHATEVER COLD LAND THAT IS BACK THERE. Who are those people!? Are they even people? Will they take my kidney?

Wait, can I get a backstage pass to that milk jug land?

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

You guys, I can’t stop watching Broad City. Do you watch it? It is so ridiculous and I am so obsessed. (p.s. don’t watch the show with your mom. or grandmother. or anyone.)

What does it say about me that I wish I was more like Ilana? Home girl does not give an iiiiiiiiish about anything. Makes seriously loco fashion choices (but somehow gets away with it). Is very, well . . . “free” with herself, and her “extracurricular” activities. She overflows with spunk in her self-absorbed, hedonistic behavior. And honestly, I can’t help but find her oddly inspiring. I have serious problems.

But you know what, Miss Hannigan from Annie has always been a role model for me, too, so there’s that.

I bet you ANYTHING Ilana loves ranch dressing.

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

Weekend plans?! Besides deleting me from your life?

I think we’re going to try and get some spring bulbs in the ground, if it’s not too late. Is it too late?! Oh no.

Other than that, wine, movies, and twin wrangling. On repeat.

Okay, help me think of a slogan for our Ranch Sorority tube tops! What about, “Beta Ranch Alpha?” You know, BRA?

Hahaha!

Ugh.

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35 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Trish November 13, 2015 at 7:46 am #

    ‘…OMG. Make boob tubes!’
    GOLD. ?
    Far from deleting you from my life, I now look forward to your blogs.
    I’ve joined the no doubt thousands of other people that spend early Friday enjoying ‘Friday Flotsam’ and I thank you.
    Have a wonderous weekend with your beautiful family ?

    PS Those tiles!! What are they? I LOVE them. (I’m sure someone has asked before, but I’m far too lazy to go though thousands of posts looking for the same question *grins*

  2. Sandy November 13, 2015 at 8:34 am #

    Growing up Hidden Valley was the only ranch I knew about and i hated it. had real ranch as an adult (and yes Italian restaurants do make it best) and my world changed 😉 ranch obsessed! if you have any Jet’s pizzas near you, they have great ranch. Happy Friday!

  3. Sharana @ Living The Sweet Life Blog November 13, 2015 at 8:44 am #

    Ranch is this shhhhhhiiiittt … in a good way. Wait, why do people say that ” .. is the shit” that doesn’t even sound appetizing. Do people even still say that?!

    What I want to say, is I love ranch dressing as well. The internet has undignified us all 🙁

  4. Brittany | Words Like Honeycomb November 13, 2015 at 8:46 am #

    so…..yeah ranch is incredible. and the best I have ever tasted is actually at a chain restaurant named Cheddars. Its that perfect thin-ish, yet not watery…hint of dill but not cray cray and the perfect dose of everything. I get an extra cup of it just for drinking.

    <3

    • Morgan November 13, 2015 at 10:00 am #

      Cheddar’s ranch is my jam!

  5. Teresa (T) November 13, 2015 at 8:58 am #

    Have you tried cleaning with baking soda? I think that works for pots and pans or maybe it is just for your teeth……I don’t know….hehehe 🙂 T

  6. Amber November 13, 2015 at 9:08 am #

    I know exactly the stains you’re talking about with the Le Creuset. Get yourself some Bon Ami cleanser (it’s even made in KC!) and scrub away. It’s just barely barely abrasive so that it cleans the stains but also doesn’t damage the pan. If you can’t find Bon Ami (I think all the Price Choppers have it, maybe Hen House too), try Barkeeper’s Friend (from Home Depot).

  7. Stephanie November 13, 2015 at 9:46 am #

    Ranch dressing and pizza fo’ life!

  8. Morgan November 13, 2015 at 9:59 am #

    I LOOOOOVe broad city. It was my show when my fiancé was at work/doing boy things. I remember one night he came home and it was a particularly raunchy scene and I was like GET OUT!!!!! And he was like what the hell are you watching?! I’m like it’s just a comedy central show but it makes me blush even when I’m by myself! He ended up watching a few with me. Sometimes, he’ll say, “do girls really do that?!” about something particular and I’m like no. But inside, I’m shaking my head yes.

    YASSSSS QUEEN.

  9. Denita November 13, 2015 at 10:45 am #

    I have a delicious homemade ranch dressing recipe…I need to find that. Not sure it would meet your requirements though, it isn’t super runny, but maybe a tweak or two would get it to your desired consistency. I also like it on fries and good potato chips.

  10. Liz November 13, 2015 at 11:40 am #

    Maybe you can turn ranch dressing into the new windex like the dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Put some ranch on it! No? ok. Just count me in for a tube top then.

  11. Amber | Loves Food, Loves to Eat November 13, 2015 at 12:10 pm #

    Everyone likes ranch, in the same way that every 4th grader liked Power Rangers in 1994… we all made fun of it on the school bus, and totally denied watching it, but secretly we couldn’t wait to get home and turn that ish on. My husband and I, not from the same town, both share this phenomenon. And plz. If pizza isn’t dipped in ranch (and sriracha) is it really even pizza?

  12. Jill November 13, 2015 at 12:37 pm #

    Bev – can you please post a recipe for Ranch dressing? I made one a couple weeks ago and it was fantastic – I just don’t remember where I got it from. Thanks!!

  13. Dee @ The Kitchen Snob November 13, 2015 at 12:56 pm #

    Love Broad City! When is it coming back on?? That and Silicon Valley.

  14. Joni November 13, 2015 at 1:09 pm #

    Oh, yes, I’m down with the Ranch Sorority. I discovered it’s multitudinous uses when observing a friend upgrading her frozen lasagna with a drizzle or two. I was shocked, and slightly revolted. She said, don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. So I did. O.M.G. It took that slab of mediocre pseudo-Italian pasta to a WHOLE ‘nother level. I have since tried it on almost every foodstuff I make, and it works. It just works. [Maybe not on eggs, but heck, I should probably give that a try, too.] And, in the event you don’t have sour cream on hand, it works beautifully on baked potatoes. In fact, I now *prefer* ranch over sour cream on baked potatoes. And I think I’ll have one right now for lunch.

    • Joni November 13, 2015 at 1:10 pm #

      *its

      I can’t English today.

  15. Jessica November 13, 2015 at 1:11 pm #

    I would love to join your ranch loving girls sorority. I agree, I can’t eat pizza without ranch. I dip my fries in ranch. I’m that annoying girl at the restaurant asking “Can I have a side of ranch?” My sister is too, and you know a restaurant is good when you can tell there ranch is homemade. Speaking of ranch, what’s your favorite? Don’t tell me you have a homemade version on hand all the time?!

  16. Jen November 13, 2015 at 1:14 pm #

    Magic Eraser will get out anything on your vintage pan without ruining it. Just do it. Magic Eraser.

  17. Cara November 13, 2015 at 1:41 pm #

    Bar Keepers Friend for the Le Crueset (and for any other fancy pots, that stuff is a miracle worker). Also, Joy the Baker has an awesome homemade ranch recipe. I add a little sriracha and you can also make it with greek yogurt instead of sour cream if you are feeling healthyish: http://joythebaker.com/2012/05/homemade-ranch-dressing/

  18. Tanah November 13, 2015 at 1:45 pm #

    I’m a total ranch snob! I love it on everything! especially crusty sourdough bread mmmmm

  19. angela November 13, 2015 at 2:02 pm #

    ranch dressing is the bomb diggity, I am with you in that I would prefer it to any other condiment!

  20. Shereen @ Shereen Travels Cheap November 13, 2015 at 2:50 pm #

    Sign me up for a tube top. I love good ranch dressing, too!

    Ilana’s the best. We totally watch Broad City in bed. usually, I can’t stand awkward humor, but maybe it’s just the way it’s delivered, but I love those ladies. I’m guessing you just don’t have to care what people think of you when you go out dressed like a crazy. We can start on not caring as we bring tube tops back 😀

  21. Lindsay November 13, 2015 at 3:59 pm #

    I literally LOLed multiple times during this post ? Ranch is the best! Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. We just arrived in Orlando for a long weekend. Hope you enjoy your wine and twin wrangling 🙂

  22. Heather Buzby November 13, 2015 at 6:10 pm #

    Love Broad City!!! Oh my gosh, need a new season, when does it come out?! No one else I know has even heard of it. Oh and, sprucing up Dutch oven, bar keepers friend. Happy Friday!

  23. Heather November 14, 2015 at 8:36 am #

    So do you make your own ranch dressing, then? Do you have a recipe for it here? I remember liking ranch as a child, but lately I’m just a hater. BUT, we only get the yucky bottled stuff like Kraft. Can you blame me? 🙂

  24. Jessica November 14, 2015 at 8:44 am #

    I am a closet ranch lover too!!! But none of that hidden valley stuff. I love getting it at a restaurant that home makes it. Ranch on soft pretzels is my fave!

  25. Sarah @ Will Run for Pasta November 16, 2015 at 2:49 pm #

    Yes, Ranch on everything, especially pizza, and anything you’d normally put sour cream on! Homemade Ranch has recently changed my life, it’s so easy!!

  26. Marilyn @ Supper Thyme Stories November 17, 2015 at 10:12 am #

    Ranch and pizza is the best combination on earth! And, yes, thin ranch. With lots of herbs.

  27. Vicky @ Avocdo Pesto November 17, 2015 at 10:09 pm #

    Haha yesssssssss to Ranch with pizza! College habits die hard — that’s still a favorite one for me!!

  28. Megan November 19, 2015 at 2:11 am #

    Gorgeous looks!

  29. Ashley November 23, 2015 at 9:29 pm #

    Ranch dressing on white rice… literally like white on rice.

  30. Karen November 30, 2015 at 5:39 pm #

    I also unabashedly love ranch dressing!! On everything!!!
    Everyone else is jealous, trust me 🙂

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