Five-Alarm Chili

Apparently my mouth thinks it’s still winter.


Isn’t it wonderful?

So, have you ever had Five-Alarm Chili? Da-hudes. It’s HOT. But I like my face to rain, so I don’t mind.

Thing is, Aaron keeps buying bags of corn chips. Like Fritos, ya know. The ones that you plunge into bean dip. He won’t stop. And I want to not be okay with this. But I’m not. I’m not NOT okay with this. I’m the opposite of not okay with the Frito chip purchases. I’d be okay with him stopping, on opposite day. But I’m not. I’m not okay with the opposite of being okay with him not buying the Frito corn chips.

So glad we’re clear on this.

fivealarm1  fivealarm2

So I said to him, “If you’re going to keep buying the corn chips (and the bean dip), we need to make a big batch of chili or something, so that I have more of a legit excuse to keep shoveling the corn chips (and the bean dip) into my headhole. Kapeesh?”

He looked at me and said, “Don’t ever say kapeesh again.” And then he handed me the corn chips (and the bean dip).

So we made Five-Alarm Chili! And we ran out of chips half-way through so we had to buy more. SO SAD ABOUT THAT.


By the way, ignore the dried red chiles you see in the above oniony picture. I mean, if you HAVE dried chiles on hand, feel free to use them! But they’re not actually in the recipe. They were a last minute addition, making this a Seven-Alarm Chili. And we all know that a Seven-Alarm Chili would straight up turn your face into a volcano.

hashtag sprinkler system.

Bottom line, this is a somewhat of a project recipe, with the rendering and the broiling and the peeling and the pulsing and the browning and the sautéing and the deglazing and the simmering and the pole dancing and the strippi – OH NOW YOU’RE LISTENING.

But it’s super duper worth it. Because it’s ridiculously tasty and you need the corn chips. (and the bean dip)


Ding ding ding!

Five-Alarm Chili:

What it took for 4 – 6:

* 2 slices bacon, chopped and rendered
* 1 anaheim pepper
* 1 jalapeno pepper
* 1 poblano pepper
* 2 cups blue corn tortilla chips
* 2 or 3 chipotle peppers, plus a Tbs. adobo sauce
* 1 (14.5 oz) can diced tomatoes, juices separated
* 1 (4.5 oz) tube tomato paste
* 1 pound ground beef
* 1 medium white onion, diced
* 3 cloves garlic, minced
* 1 Tbs. chili powder
* 1 tsp white pepper
* 1 Tbs. sugar
* 1 Tbs. apple cider vinegar
* 1 tsp dried oregano
* 1 pinch crushed red pepper
* 1 tsp cumin
* 1 tsp smoked paprika
* 1/2 cup leftover coffee
* coarse salt, to taste
* 1 (14.5 oz) can black beans, drained and rinsed
* 1 (14.5 oz) can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
* 1 (14.5 oz) can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
* diced avocado, shredded cheddar, cilantro, sour cream and corn chips for garnish

Place the anaheim, jalapeno and poblano peppers on a baking sheet. Slide under the broiler and char all over. Immediately place the peppers in a large ziplock bag and steam for 10 minutes, loosening the skins. Peel the skins away and discard, along with the stems and seeds.

In a food processor, place the roasted peppers, chips, chipotle peppers with the adobo sauce, and the juice from the diced tomatoes. Pulse until smooth.

In the meantime, you’ve rendered the bacon in a large pot or dutch oven and have set the crumbles aside. Pour the grease out of the pot and add the beef to brown. Once browned, remove from the pot and set aside.

Add the onions and garlic and sauté until tender, 4 minutes. Add the coffee and tomato paste and cook until the coffee cooks down and thickens, just a few minutes.

To the pot, add the beef, all the spices, vinegar, diced tomatoes, beans and the pureed mix. Simmer for at least an hour, and up to 5 million. Taste it. Go ahead and add some salt! If it’s too spicy, add some honey or a little more sugar. Keep simmering until your head wants to cut itself off and jump in.

Finally, stir the bacon crumbles back in, because glory be.

Garnish with cheese, sour cream, cilantro, avocado and corn chips!


Snooze button sold separately.

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22 Responses to Five-Alarm Chili

  1. Brian @ A Thought For Food April 15, 2014 at 7:02 am #
    Ha! I love spicy foods... And soup... Even in the warmer months. It's going to be in the 40s here later this week, so a batch of chili sounds kinda perfect.
  2. nicole @ I am a Honey Bee April 15, 2014 at 8:15 am #
    you gotta get the scoops fritos. Then you can shovel more bean dip and chili in your headhole in one bite.
  3. kelly @ livelovepasta April 15, 2014 at 8:20 am #
    Kapeesh reminds me of Uncle Jesse from Full House. Anybody else?
  4. DessertForTwo April 15, 2014 at 8:39 am #
    Yum! I hear y'all just got a bit of snow in KC! Bring on the 7-alarm version :)
  5. Tracy | Peanut Butter and Onion April 15, 2014 at 10:09 am #
    always looking for a hot chilli recipe!
  6. Mary @ The Kitchen Paper April 15, 2014 at 10:54 am #
    I think it's ok to still be making chili! Maybe I'm saying that because I have beans soaking for chili today... but they need to be used!
  7. Sommer @ASpicyPerspective April 15, 2014 at 11:08 am #
    Perfect for a chilly {no pun intended} Spring evening! Thanks for sharing! Pinned
  8. Myla April 15, 2014 at 11:28 am #
    This looks great! I love spicy food, but my husband would literally sweat to death after eating just a few bites! I may have to make it one night when he will be out of town...
  9. Averie @ Averie Cooks April 15, 2014 at 1:48 pm #
    SPICY is the only way! Go hot or go home! pinned
  10. Bri-Bites of Bri April 15, 2014 at 6:13 pm #
    I've been craving chili too. Now I need corn chips and bean dip too. Thanks a lot! I love that this is mostly ingredients we all have on hand.
  11. Laurie {Simply Scratch} April 16, 2014 at 9:29 am #
    I crave chili year round... and I just know this will be my next chili to make! Heck, there's still snow on the ground so it's totally legit.
  12. Megan {Country Cleaver} April 16, 2014 at 9:57 pm #
    Bring me a bucket of this and tissues for the sinus clearing!! La-Hoadddd Me Up!!!
  13. Amy April 16, 2014 at 10:36 pm #
    I love reading your posts Bev, You have me cackling silently in my office cubicle. Also 7 alarm chilli hashtag wickedwitchfacemelt. The boyfriend keeps bringing home bags of corn chips as well (is it in the DNA, like on the Y chromosome or something?) So this would be a great remedy to the great Dorito hoarding of 2014.
  14. Meredith April 17, 2014 at 10:00 am #
    Incredibly delicious! I need a bowl of this for lunch!
  15. Tess @ Tips on Healthy Living April 17, 2014 at 3:56 pm #
    Coming from Texas, I can definitely be snooty about my chili (which is ridiculous), but this looks really great. I'm always looking for recipes that have a different spin on classics, and this is perfect.
  16. Emily @ Life on Food April 25, 2014 at 11:42 am #
    Spicy food is a must. Chili is my favorite just for all of the toppings you can add. This one sure looks good.


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