F A R I D A Y E E E . I had this crazy dream just now. I was in a car wreck! Not a horrible one, but not a tiny fender bender, either. It was a chain wreck, like the kind you see on the local news from a helicopter, where a dude […]
Friday Flotsam
Archive | Friday Flotsam
Friday Flotsam
FRIEE DAYEEEE. AAAAeeeeee EEEEEEaaaaaa. I don’t like Chardonnays. WHAT.SHE DOESN’T.I don’t. YOU DON’T. I don’t. WHY NOT. WHAT. HOW. HOW ARE WE FRIENDS. I don’t know. I just don’t. YOU DON’T. No. NOOOO. HOW. HOW. I just never have. WHAT. I CAN’T. Yes you can. I CANNOT. I CAN’T SEE. MY EYEEEES – Listen. I […]
Friday Flotsam
F R I D E E E E E E eeE EE eEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeEEE. Kardashian Self Tanner REPORT: (don’t x out) I actually like it! This is the specific one I used. The instant one. Holy balls I was scared. But it looks nice! Bronzey. Sun kissed. It’s not too intense, because I used the applicator […]
Friday Flotsam
F R A H D A Y . When you go through the bank drive-thru, do you take off your seat belt? You know, when you pull up to the giant Fallopian tube, and take out the follicle carrier (that you always nearly accidentally keep. and it NEVER HAS A PEN.), do you take off […]
Friday Flotsam
Frahdee Frahdee Frahdee. Frahdee. I had this crazy dream like an hour ago that I have to tell you about. It’s quick and painless, I swear! I was returning some jeans to a store in the plaza, and I took the grems, and the store didn’t have a play area for them, so the store […]
Friday Flotsam
Friiiieeeeeedayyyyyeeeeeeee!.!.!!!…! O M G. I have the craziest dream to tell you all about! It’s about Justin Bieber. And I’m not even a Justin Bieber person. Perhaps my subconscious is? Ew. Anyway, I had the dream earlier this week, but I wrote it all down the SECOND I woke up, so I could relay it […]
Friday Flotsam
FREENER. FREELEE. FREEDER? Friday. Do you twitch? You know what, let me start over. Do your muscles ever twitch, say – after a run? You know how you’ll exercise, then you slow down, sit down, and then your legs flicker all up and down with tiny electric fish under your skin? WHAT IS THAT. And […]
Friday Flotsam
FRAHDAHHHHHHHHHH! Raise your hand if your whole city slash life is completely drenched in rain? THIS IS CRAZY. I feel like the entire U.S. is a giant squish fest. It’s rained for days. DAYS. And there’s no end in sight. Sort of. We actually DO get a break Saturday and Sunday, which is perfect because […]
Friday Flotsam
Fridaaaayyyyyeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyeeeeyyyyyyyy. (!) Who else is completely terrified of the back of a hairdryer? You’re already like, PSYCHO. You know, that little round eggy area with the mini mesh prison bars? What goes ON in there? Are there tiny hairdryer elves living and breeding inside that wee vortex of death? I’ve always been nervous when I […]
Friday Flotsam
FRI-YDYDYDYDYAAAAAAY. (that was me saying Fri-yay without actually saying Fri-yay.) I’ve been keeping something in for quite a while now. It’s a fact that I’ve come to accept about myself and embrace, without shame. Just yesterday, however, I was finally able to say the words out loud and not brace for disapproval or disgust. And […]