F R A H D A Y .
When you go through the bank drive-thru, do you take off your seat belt? You know, when you pull up to the giant Fallopian tube, and take out the follicle carrier (that you always nearly accidentally keep. and it NEVER HAS A PEN.), do you take off your seat belt for the duration of your bank stay?
I totally take off my seat belt. It helps my torso move around more during the reaching part!
But I’m the type of person who gets paranoid that everyone notices me without a seat belt and is mentally all, “Tisk TISK. That woman doesn’t drive with a seat belt. It’s no wonder the accident reports are up this month. It’s careless drivers like her! She should be ashamed of herself. Let’s all glare at her!”
And I’m positively certain everyone is glaring at me in the drive-thru lanes.
I’m also the type of person who, at the end of my transaction, once remembering to put the follicle carrier back in the Fallopian tube, will press the call button and say, “Just want you, and everyone else here to know, I do in fact drive with my seat belt. I just take it off here so I can reach the follicle carrier easier!” Meanwhile, Aaron’s climbing into the back seat, “BEV. NO ONE NOTICES OR CARES. YOU ARE PSYCHO.”
Wait, I still have their pen!
I have this obsession with bagging my own groceries.
Anytime I’m at the store, and a bagger starts to load up my burlap grocery bags, I beg to do it. Is that rude? I’m relieving him of work. He should praise my existence.
It’s so satisfying, the tetris of it all! Also, type A control freak much?
This is the main thing – they always make the bags SO HEAVY. It’s like, really? Do you think it’s necessary to have both milks AND the orange juice AND the laundry detergent jug in the same bag? No.
I love the feeling of (ahem, taking over) stacking apples next to a cereal box. Arranging containers to fit snuggly, without getting lopsided. Organizing chilled goods in this bag, taller goods in that bag, and filling in the gaps with lemons and limes. Stopping every few items to lift the bag, “There we go! The perfect weight. Ahhhhh. My work here is done.”
The cashier just stares off into the distance, cursing my name.
I love it so much.
It makes me whole.
I have serious issues.
Okay, who here has tried any of the Kardashian self tanners? ‘FESS UP.
I see they have a bunch of different ones, and the price wobbles all over the place. I’m so tempted to order a bottle! But I need to know which one is the pimpest.
Do they work? Are they worth it? Does it last?
Did you x out at Karda?
Let’s talk eye glasses. I NEED NEW EYE GLASSES. I’ve had the same slim tortoise pair for y e a r s, but they’re so massively scratched up, it’s beyond obnoxious to wear them. Plus I think a want something a little different. Like what Mindy Kaling wears on The Mindy Project. Something like THIS. OR THIS. (omg that second pairrrr)
Which, I know those are both tortoise, but the shape is slightly different. A little boxier and bigger on the bottom. A little more nerdy-hot-librarian-wanna-be. Totally me! (the wanna be part)
Have you ever tried one of those “try-them-on-at-home-before-you-buy” sites? Like Warby Parker? I’m so curious how that all works. How do you get your prescription to them? Do you get a hand-written note from your doctor and mail it in? Haha! Just kidding.
Weekend plans, besides hosting your own backyard movie night?
I know I’ve been snappin’ and grammin’ about potty training, and while I totally plan on starting it today, I decided not to go completely bonkers in. They already sit on the potty, and talk about going potty, but neither kid has actually gone potty. (besides on my bed. thanks, Nat.) So – I think we’ll just read more, talk more, sit more and sing more (read: drink more. <–me). If they don’t get it this weekend, no bigs! We’ll take this slowly. Dudes are like, WHY AM I STILL READING THIS.
p.s. I’m looooving Winter Garden! Ugh.