FeeeeeeeeeeeeRILLY DEE DO DAY. I’m warning you now, today’s Flotsam is basically one Herculean poll. I mean, POOOOOOLLLLLLLL-ah! It’s what I do leave me alone. First up! Curling iron or a curing wand? I’ve always used a curling iron. A one-inch Conair from the ’80s. But it seems like KIDS THESE DAYS are more into […]
Fmmmmmmmmusay! I mean Frilay. Frimay. Friqay. Fribay. Friday. I MEAN, I just think a boob reduction should be an at-home kit. You’re like, “What is happening is right now.” I’m not talking about a boob JOB, those should be at the doctor. But if you want to reduce them? Totally an at-home kit. Okay, maybe […]
FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. FaaaaaaaRAHDAYYYYYY. Just kidding. It’s Groundhog Da – right. YOU GUYS, I just watched a live stream of Punxstatssdksdhfy Phil and he saw his shadow. He saw his shadow. Which means, six more weeks of winter. But, of course he saw his shadow, there were camera lights right on him and […]
Fridayyyyyyyyyiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah. I used to powder my armpits. Like when I was in elementary school and junior high. Maybe even part of high school. I would powder my armpits. Like, before putting on deodorant. I powdered. With a giant white puff and a small cream plastic tub with a dainty light pink floral design around it. […]
F yadirriday. BOTH KIDS POOP ON THE POTTY. HAPPILY. GLEEFULLY. WILLINGLY. NO TEARS. NO STRUGGLES. They are potty trained. I’m reading the words on my screen and I want to cry. It is done. It took nearly 8 months from beginning to end. But they are trained. And don’t you dare use the word “regression” […]
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFlimay! Er, Friday. OKAY SO. Finished Handmaid’s Tale last week. (<–I almost typed tail. Elizabeth Moss’s tail.) I absolutely L O V E D the ending. (spoilers!! SPOILERS. you’ve been warned. don’t paper cut me.) When they’re all in that huge circle in the lightly falling snow, and the guards drag out loony JANINE and […]
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaahrillyrooday. THE HANDMAID’S TALE. (how can I not just jump in. also, no spoilers! praise be.) I have two to go. Two left. Only two. AND I WILL SAY, the last two episodes that I watched didn’t leave me wanting to sell my eyeballs and heart on Ebay. I survived them! With very little damage. […]
Frudil. I mean Fraler. I mean Frezkes. I mean Fromoo. I mean Friday. So last night I watched The Family Stone (I always call it Romancing the Family Stone because I’m that tool.) and while it’s SO SAD AND SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND SO WONDERFUL AND SO AWKWARD to watch, do you want to know what […]
F a a a a a a a a a a a a riday. Have you guys seen VOYEUR? Ohmgud. It’s all I can think about. Listen. This (married!!??!?!) pervo man buys a motel in Denver back in the ’60s for the primary reason of watching his guests do you know what, through a […]
Fo ho ho ho HIDAY. I have a serious question! And I’m serious. Seriously serious. Forever now, we’ve had one of those OLD Bose sound docks. A GIANT, ANCIENT GRAY SOUND DOCK, guys. For a, wait for it – ipod. Do those even exist anymore?? I need an upgrade. A Christmas upgrade. But this is […]
