Friday Flotsam

Freeeeeeeederrrrrrrrrr.

I THINK I WANT A TREADMILL.

Actually, I know I do. I 9238763435735% want one.

It hit me the other day, I’m going to be a winter treadmill person. Because a) I’m a total sissy in the winter when it comes to running outside. Hello, frostbite. And b) I’m a massive baby and refuse to go to a gym at all ever. Hello, botulism.

So there’s really no other alternative for me –  TREADMILL. In the basement! It’s perfect!

Are you into treadmills? I’ve never said those words in my life. It’s so 1980s infomercial, I can barely deal with how excited I am. A treadmill!

BUT THIS IS THE THING – I know nothing about treadmills. I definitely don’t need anything super fancy pants that costs a pancreas, but I also don’t want total garbage. I’m seeing some ‘mills (should I call them ‘mills? is that what the cool kids say? no? oh.) on Amazon, but I have no idea where to begin. Do you have a treadmill!? Can you guide me to something not overwhelming and wallet-friendly? I basically just need it to make my legs run for 40 minutes. And not fall off it.

Oh no.

I’m going to be that turd that ends up on America’s Funniest Videos, aren’t I?

You guys, I can’t get into Stranger Things.

Stop punching your computer!

I’m talking about Season TWO. Not the first one. I loved the first one! Because someone was MISSING. There was a case to solve. A person to FIND. But this second season has me like yaaaaawn. And I mean literally. I fall asleep during every single episode. It’s just too sci-fi for me.

Obviously I love the ’80s theme, and the bikes and the hair and the sweaters on Nancy. (I want her face on my head.) But I just need mooooooooraaaaa. Less aliens, more people drama.

Should I keep going? I’m only two episodes in. Aaron’s two ahead of me (and begging me to keep watching and catch up so we can move on for the love of Pete), so I either need to catch up this morning while he’s at work, or throw in the strange towel.

What’s your vote?

WAIT, DO THEY FIND BARB? If they find Barb, I’ll keep going.

Tell me now or forever hold your shoulder pads.

Can we talk about hair dryers?

(by the way, if you need to wring out your uterus and hang it to dry ^^^, I understand.)

I need a new hair dryer. And the only reason I believe I need a new hair dryer is because a friend of mine told me on Halloween night that she bought a life-altering hair dryer and found a new religion in said hair dryer.

And this gal has a lot of hair. And it looked GUD. Super straight, shiny. Slick. I think it even licked its lips at me.

And then it dawned on me, it takes me almost 25 minutes to blow dry my mane. And it takes her FOUR.

FOUR MINUTES. Is she yankin’ my chain?

Guys.

It’s this hair dryer.

I think I need it. Because when I blow dry my nest, it’s unruly, fizzy, frizzy, pissed off, and giant. And it takes me 76 years to straighten it after that, and another 49 years to put some simple waves in it. This is why I only do it ONCE A WEEK and update my living will the entire time.

Thus leading me to a titanic life advice plea:

If you have giant, angry hair, is the trick THE HAIR DRYER? What do you use? Do I need this dryer? Or something like it?

WHERE MY MAMMOTH-HAIR BAES AT? (<–none of that felt right.)

I already have my Christmas gift wrapping paper look and theme figured out. Is that obnoxious?

Don’t answer that.

Weekend plans?

It was supposed to be in the 70s both tomorrow and Sunday, but every time I check the weather (which is a lot. you do know I’m irrationally weather-obsessed.), it drops by like, 500 degrees. We’re still gonna get these yards RAKED, man. That’s the goal. I mean #goal.

Ohhhhhh you know what! Remember when I pressed the last of my garden zinnias in some books with parchment paper and hairspray, like you suggested? I need to go thrift a glass frame for them. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow. They look pretty good! Of course they did lose some of the color (I probably did it wrong), but I’ll keep you updated on the final look, if I can get my hiney in gear.

I’m also making a red wine and chicken stew thingy tonight from one of Mary Berry’s kagillion cookbooks (legit obsessed with her), and going to push Aaron to get his new CUTTING BOARDS on Etsy tonight. You guys, they’re stunning. Ya needsy.

THEY FIND BARB, DON’T THEY.