Friday Flotsam


I have THEE most major announcement of all time.

Biggest of my career. Of adulthood. OF MY LIFE.

We’re thinking about signing up for the neighborhood fall leaf pickup this year.

I know! Can you believe it?! This is HUGE. I’m a product of my father, you see, and not one to pay for someone to do my yard work when we can clearly do it perfectly fine ourselves. (You’re having Saran Wrap flashbacks right now. I only know this because I am, too.)

But I think we’re actually going to do it! Is this a flex?

Listen, the mere fact that the signup sheet arrived in the mail and I didn’t laugh at it, light it on fire and toss it in bin SAYS SOMETHING.

And the fact that I unfolded the signup sheet, read the words of it, walked it down the hall to our bedroom and said to Aaron, “Think we might want to do this this year?” is colossal.

Who even am I?

Someone who’s not raking and bagging leaves this year, biaaaaaaaa.

I feel great, why do you ask??

I have a question.

And it’s serious.

It’s a serious question.

Okay, why do people stick their tongue out in photos? And I don’t mean like in the ’80s when little kids stuck their tongues out at other little kids. I’m talking about young adults here. Grownish humans. And they not only stick their tongues out, they do the peace sign with it. But tilted. Their hand is tilted. Like, to match the tongue direction. I think?

My question is a two-parter. (you’re already x-ing out, I feel it.)

First of all, how do they know which direction to stick their tongue? And their hands? They seem to go in the same direction and I can’t figure out why. Can you ask your teen real quick? Does the tilted peace sign always match the direction of the tongue, or is that just a natural instinct among the youth-ed?

Like me, I know when to finally have my leaves bagged. My gut told me this is the year. Is it the same with young folks? They just know how to stick their tongue out and which direction this all goes?

And here’s part two: can you imagine just how criminal I would look trying to stick my tongue out in a photo and doing the peace sign with it? Insanity. I might try it this weekend. Just to see if I have the coordination.

Yes I’m feeling every bit of forty five years old, thanks.


Okay, think on this one.

Because it’s another two parter. And I do think the answers definitely reflect a clear personality trait, so answer carefully.

  1. When you’re cooking a package of bacon, do you go ahead and cook the entire thing? Knowing you can nuke the cold cooked bacon in a matter of seconds when you’re ready to eat? Or do you cook only what you need at that moment, and the stick the open bacon package back in the fridge for another day?
  2. And if you do go ahead and cook the entire package of bacon at once, do you keep layering the bacon in the existing bacon grease? Or do you pour the grease into a little jar and then arrange more bacon in the pan?

Aaron and I have two completely different bacon harry styles, to the point that I question his mental stability. But I’m curious to know yours. (I’ll tell you mine next week.)

Spill it!

You guys I had the whole haunches thing wrong!!

Remember when I was asking about haunches exercises? (you’re like, “I tried to block that but thanks.”)

Haunches aren’t what I thought they were! And NONE OF YOU TOLD ME. Which is surprisingly odd for the internet not to correct someone, but okay.

They’re not the area above the butt. Haunches are the upper back thigh meat. (ugh, why do I say meat? I try not to but it just comes out.) So like, when you sit back on your haunches, the heels of your feet are pressed against that thigh part right BELOW your butt. That’s a haunch. Like, what Mrs. Maisel measures with a ribbon tape measure in season one.

Thanks for being there for me during these confusing times.

Weekend plans?

I’m headed to Eureka Spriiiiings! Aka: my favorite little crunchy hippie town in all the land. And when I say *I’m* headed I mean ONLY ME. I have a negative Covid test, a single bag packed, white wine and cheese in a cooler and I’m ready. Just need to brush my teeth. I’m meeting a bestie there for a chill weekend of porch lounging, town strolling, ghost hunting, and dream catcher shopping. Duh.

From this week, in case you missed it!::: Cheese Tortellini Soup with Beef and Spinach! Super simple and per.fect. for fall. And then my Imaginary Book Club! You guys love these posts, so don’t miss this one. It’s juicy, okay?

You’re still trying to figure out if I cook all my bacon at once. PA-LEASE. You’ll know soon.


11 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. JayDee September 24, 2021 at 8:40 am #
    Yes, we cook the whole package. We bake the bacon so no laying. All fits on 1 full sheet pan.
  2. Jen September 24, 2021 at 9:47 am #
    This is your best Flotsam to date! I live for your Friday posts! (Don’t x me out, ok?) ??‍♀️
  3. Lopez Carol September 24, 2021 at 11:46 am #
    Since I purchase my bacon from the butcher at Whole Foods, it does go bad sooner than prepackaged bacon, I have been cooking my bacon all at once. I do have a problem though— I don’t have a microwave (by choice) so reheating is not ideal. I tend to just eat the leftovers cold or room temp if I’m some what organized.
  4. Emily September 24, 2021 at 12:43 pm #
    My bacon harry styles is to only cook what i need. lately in the air fryer. I can do the skillet method, but it never comes out right for me. oven method is foolproof but seems like it takes forever. are you a skillet only gal? have a wonderful weekend getaway!
  5. Kristin September 24, 2021 at 1:05 pm #
    We are team Jaydee. Cook the whole package on a sheet pan. I just had two of those cooked pieces in an AMAZING BLT complete with tomatoes grown by my friend who has more sun in her yard, and garlic basil mayo. Oh. My. Gosh.
  6. Trisha F September 24, 2021 at 4:00 pm #
    All the bacon, the whole package... each time and I put them all in a big baking sheet together! Yum!! Have the best weekend away!!
  7. Sarah September 24, 2021 at 7:43 pm #
    Um, cook the whole package. Only empty the pan of bacon if a grease fire is imminent.
  8. Lisa M. September 25, 2021 at 1:36 am #
    just started cooking the whole package - I cook it all in the same grease, then put it in the freezer to use as needed. Works great.
  9. Dj Siler September 25, 2021 at 8:15 am #
    We cut a package in half. Freeze the other raw half until needed. There’s only two of us now but we like it freshly cooked. When all the kids were home we cooked the whole package only draining the bacon grease after done.
  10. SmilynStef September 25, 2021 at 2:51 pm #
    We got married years ago in Eureka Springs at the tiny little stone cottage motel. I would love to go back. Have fun.
  11. Nancy September 26, 2021 at 8:33 am #
    Yes, I cook the whole package at once and don't dump the grease until it's all cooked. I am trying to break up with my microwave so reheating in the toaster oven is a cinch and only takes a couple of minutes. Any longer and it's pork jerky!

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