Let me see if I understand this correctly.
A cicada egg baby is born like, on the ground? Is that it? Then it climbs down into the ground through a tiny dirty hole and stays there for seventeen entire years. Long enough to watch every season of Grey’s Anatomy. THEN, they crawl back out of the ground (same way? same dirt hole? do they remember? is it always around a tree? or no?) And climb out in that crispy brown alien shell. Then they all follow each other in a soldier march and climb up into all the trees across the land.
THEN, a day or so later they hatch out of the crispy brown alien shells, turn into psycho killer hummingbirds, scream at the world at full throat volume for about a week. Then drop dead. Just out of nowhere. Dead. Kaput. Bucket: kicked.
What is the point?
What is the actual point of cicadas? Do they hunt other bugs? And why again can’t this be what happens with mosquitos?
Speaking of, I have a feeeyashion question for you.
Gap jeans: on a scale from don’t bother to irrationally obsessed, where do you fall?
I haven’t purchased a pair of Gap jeans since honestly 9th grade. SERIOUSLY. And I always hated the way they fit in the front. Too bulky. Like too much denim. BUT – that was 1989 and surely things have changed.
Are Gap jeans any good? Because every year once September arrives I always start daydreaming about my jeans game (Ash, I can sense you smiling behind that eye roll) and I need your input in a desperate way.
Because I’m thinking I need to actually GO IN THE STORE like we did in the ’90s. No online biz. I need to try on eight hundred fifty pairs to see what works and if it works and how it works or if I need to burn the whole idea down.
Yes yes, I have Everlane and Madewell, but sell me on Gap. Are the cuts stylish and cute? Is it worth it to do some denim digging? Or pass?
(Speaking of Ash, my friend Ashlee didn’t know what a hummingbird was until two weeks ago. I’m just going to leave that right there for you all to digest.)
Speaking of, can anyone recommend a good exercise for haunches?
Like, butt haunches. Meaty haunches. SHELF BUTT. WHATEVER WE’RE CALLING IT. Because 45 hit and my butt turned into a cardboard box filled with bubble wrap. A paraIlelogram. SpongeBev Square Pants.
I run all the time. I do leg lifts. WHATTHEHELLISHAPPENING.
You know what I’m talking about, right? That meat (I’m sorry I keep saying meat) that sits right at the top of your tailbone. That’s a haunch, right? It’s above your butt. But it’s not your waist. Is this making sense? And it’s a pair of them. On either side. Out to get you.
Is running making them worse? Surely not.
We can talk about something else.
Yesterday at pickup I said to my friend Heather, “I’m kind of excited for Christmas.” And then I asked her to punch me square in the face.
We have Fayetteville family visiting later! So I’m making deviled eggs and this gorgeous thing. And of course some French Market cheeses and a few extras. And a Sancerre, duh.
From this week, in case ya missed it!::: Sun Slants and Long Pants – your monthly mixtape! Please get your ears in this because you will be changed. I mean it. And then a very simple but delicious Wine-Braised Fish with Tomatoes and Squash. Unreal. And so posh!
(No, I’m serious. She thought it was a big bug. Said she’d “never seen one before.” How has one not ever seen a hummingbird? A HUMMINGBIRD. Look, I’m just as perplexed.)
So yuz or nerp on the Gap?