Friday Flotsam


Friday Flotsam

I have to tell you my dream real quick before I forget.

So, okay – Carrie Underwood was in it, and we were on some college campus, like, in New England or something. Okay first, do you remember Jessica McClure in the well? Baby Jessica in the well, back in 1987 in Midland, TX? I think slash talk about this event way more than should ever be allowed in life. Anyway, so Carrie Underwood was trying to figure out how to get inside a pole thing in the ground, but it was hollow, just like a well! See, she wanted to slide down the inside the hollow pole to go way into the earth and find a hidden treasure. Because that’s what American Idol winners do.

BUT, the joke was on Carrie Underwood because there was no hidden treasure. It was just a rock! Hahahah! Just a rock. Poor Carrie Underwood.

But I was like, “Remember to hold your hair back, Carrie Underwood! You don’t want it all in your face inside that pole.” But theeeeen I realized it wasn’t ME telling Carrie Underwood to hold her hair back. It was an ELF TELLING ME to hold my hair back, because I was about to wash my face.

The end.

Don’t you feel like you can now start your day knowing this useless information?

Friday Flotsam

Okay, I’m trying to be better about my dang fingernails. I’ve ALWAYS struggled with maintaining attractive nails. (my best friend is nodding her head right like giiiiirl.) Thing is, I bite them. (gasp!) Always have. (no!) Most definitely will again. (sick, bev!) I know.

But the reason I bite is because I get hang nails all the time. Little devil slivers that prick and poke and peeeees me off. Constantly! I basically belong on Judge Judy.

So, I need help and advice and probably therapy. Is there a good nail polish or treatment that would keep my nails super sturdy and hang-devil-sliver-free? Which is obviously a word.

Another thing, I wash my hands 29478244557037413487026322275090 times a day. And then put on body butter or lotion. So this magic treatment potion will have to stand up to the daily wear and tear I put my hands through. This is serious business! (I’m making a fist right now)

I firmly believe that a woman’s hands are the window to her sou- wait. The entryway to her hear- hold on. The gateway to the wes- wait. OH I HAVE IT. Fingernails are the porthole to the hands’ ego. That’s it! Sort of.

(and tell me your favorite color for just-saw-a-ghost skin!)

Friday Flotsam

Did you KNOW about this cool trick I learned on Ellen a few days ago? Yes I watch Ellen. I feel she has some really good vests.

Anyway, she does this little segment on like hacks, and I learned probably the most useful tip I’ll ever learn in my whole life. Always have a stash of GRAPES in the freezer so that when you buy un-chilled white wine, you can add a grape or three and chill it right up, without watering it down! Isn’t that so nifty??

And it’s like the wine revisits its roots with the grape in it! It’s like ANCESTRY. Ellen didn’t say that part. That would be my noggin at work, you guys.

Wait, why are you x-ing out?

Friday Flotsam

POLL: do onion goggles work? Because my eyes simply cannot take this onion chopping abuse no mo’!

I’ve heard about sticking the onion in the freezer, running your knife under cold or hot water before slicing, removing the eyeballs from the sockets before the chopping. I’ve just had it. HAD IT.

Friday Flotsam

Weekend plans? I have a bunk.ton. of blog ish to shoot for the coming weeks (it’s all fun stuff! can’t wait to show your faces). Tonight I’m making spaghetti with grass-fed meat sauce. But I’m amping (<–why do I do it?) it up with red wine, green bells, mushrooms, onions and carrots. Maybe some spinach. What are you cooking this weekend? I need ‘spiration NATION, y’all.

Other than that, reg stuff. Fires, forensics, food and fermentation.

And obviously trying to keep Carrie Underwood from going down that pole because JESSICA MCCLURE.

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32 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Emily January 22, 2016 at 7:44 am #
    Let me just say ... YES to the onion goggles. I seem to have gotten more sensitive to onions in the last few years so I just stashed a set of old swim goggles (why do I have swim goggles? I'm 30 years old. A puzzle for another day) in the knife drawer. They work like a charm AND, as a bonus, will make your husband and children giggle like fiends and mock you mercilessly when they see you wearing them. DOOOOOO it.
  2. Becca January 22, 2016 at 7:50 am #
    Don't eat the grapes while drinking the wine though, it will make the wine taste bad. Learned that at a wine party.
  3. Brittany | Words Like Honeycomb January 22, 2016 at 7:57 am #
    Let me just sure to get the goggles (I typed googles first) without the nose mold thing for you face. I thought they would work and then I cut my finger off because my breathing fogged up the whole mask and I couldn't see. I have all of my fingers, but you get the point.
  4. Lori January 22, 2016 at 8:11 am #
    I was a lifelong nail biter. I could stop for a bit and then they would grow and look all pretty and then they would split because they suck, lather rinse repeat. So I had no motivation. I've tried every treatment out there. The ONLY thing I have found that worked for me was Essie All in One followed by Essie polish (or alone but I find my nails are sturdier with polish). It sounds crazy but any other brand doesn't work as well. It's a little annoying because I have to do them every week but whatever. It's been about 3 years of consistent no biting. favorite color for pale skin is Essie's (I know) Ballet Slippers - I am not a pink person yet I love that color. I find I can also pull off the dark shade Smokin' Hot (I know), which is surprising given my paleness but it somehow works. Good luck!
  5. nicole @ I am a Honey Bee January 22, 2016 at 8:43 am #
    I keep blackberries in the freezer for wine. I feel they universally go with white and red. Like with grapes, I feel that I'd have to weep green grapes for white wine and red grapes for red wine and that's just too many grapes for me. can you shellac your nails with a nude color? Then you won't get the burrs and hang nails on them and therefore wouldn't bite them so much?
  6. Laura January 22, 2016 at 8:59 am #
    HAAA! Giiiiirl, you know me too well.
  7. Julie January 22, 2016 at 9:32 am #
    I love Julep's Oxygen nail treatment to rehab nails! It protects them and helps strengthen. Plus it adds a nice sheer hint of pink that is really flattering and makes them look groomed.
  8. Carole January 22, 2016 at 9:42 am #
    Onion goggles definitely work. You look like a dork but, hey, you aren't crying. As for cooking: short ribs. Mmmmm.
  9. Dee @ The Kitchen Snob January 22, 2016 at 10:32 am #
    This weekend we're getting a major snow storm in PA. So I went dashing to the store to stock up on things I rarely buy like bacon and green peppers because SNOW STORM! So I think I'm going to make some crazy massive we're-snowed-in breakfast and then I'm making my grandmothers marinara sauce (which I haven't made in 5 yrs) but SNOW STORM, so it's required.
  10. Carly January 22, 2016 at 11:20 am #
    Don't bite your hangnails!! I get them a lot as well and usually just rip them out, but one time my finger got all infected and swollen and filled with pus (sorry) and it had to be sliced open and drained. It was really gross. And painful. But mostly gross. And also traumatic. The doctor said that biting hangnails is the worst thing to do because it lets all sorts of bacteria from your saliva in there and is just asking for an infection. Sorry for leaving probably the worst comment ever.
  11. Chrisy January 22, 2016 at 11:23 am #
    I have two tips for you! :) I took a knife skills class from a respected chef in my town and we all asked the question about onions and the dreaded tearing! She gave us a very complicated answer about enzymes being attracted to mucus membranes (such as in your nose & eyes)...but the bottom line is - when cutting an onion - do so with your mouth open! Whatever fumes/enzymes/whatever is in the onion that makes us cry, will be attracted to your mouth instead of your eyes because it is closer!!! I am a former manicurist and the best thing to do to prevent hangnails is to keep them soft and supple. You can use coconut oil or argan oil or cuticle oil - whatever works for you. Optimally, you would rub oil in before you moisturize (it locks in the moisture that way) and do this several times a day (if possible). But, it is most important to do it before bed - it can soak in all night long! You can also heavily moisturize and wear gloves to bed (they sell these thin gloves at beauty supplies), if you can handle sleeping in gloves...I can't but I had clients who did it regularly. Another tip about cuticles: do not pick/tear the hangnails or cuticles. If you have a hangnail or a rough cuticle - trim only that part with nippers or nail clippers. Please do not trim your cuticles all the way around your nail. The cuticle serves as protection for the nail matrix (which is where the nail grows from) and if infection happens - your nails can be damaged permanently. Hope this helps! Love following your adventures with the kiddos!
  12. Leslie January 22, 2016 at 11:51 am #
    I LOOOVEEE my Onion glasses!!! My hubby got them for me a few Christmas's ago (I know .. a Christmas Gift.. well it was a stocking stuffer.. that sounds better) and I have yet to have any eye irritation .. even with shallots, which are the worst!!! Get them!!!!
  13. Kimberly January 22, 2016 at 11:58 am #
    I remember Baby Jessica in the well because I was in Jr High and the Breaking News interrupted Beverly Hills Teens. Julep also has a treatment called 'Your Cuticles Look Thirsty" and I swear in minutes it repairs my hangnails.
  14. angel January 22, 2016 at 1:15 pm #
    Stop chopping onions and you won't need googles! I keep a bag of pre-chopped onions in the freezer and use them in all my recipes.
  15. Shereen @ Shereen Travels Cheap January 22, 2016 at 1:33 pm #
    Now I want onion goggles again.... A long time ago Avon sold this stuff to stop biting your nails. It was the best and worst stuff in the world. The best, because it stopped me from biting my nails FOREVAH. The worst because the taste was so bad that you didn't even want to lick your fingers after some tasty foods, because it would seep into your fingertips and make everything taste like evil. I don't think they have it anymore, but apparently there is now something called Stop the Bite by a company called Hoof that you can buy online. And bright pink goes with all complexions, even my super-white, almost clear skin :)
  16. Alisha January 22, 2016 at 1:50 pm #
    I have also been a lifelong nail biter for the same reason; I just have terrible nails. And I can't do ANYTHING to fix it other, than put some something (polish, cuticle oil, etc.) on them. HOWEVER - last year, I started taking prenatal vitamins and ever since had wonderful nails with no work. Did you have good nails when you were taking prenatal vitamins? I would start taking those again!
  17. Heather Buzby January 22, 2016 at 2:13 pm #
    Hi! I am also a nail biter, I get one tiny jagged spot and poof it's suddenly down to nothing. The ONLY thing that's ever helped is OPI Nail Envy, it makes your nails strong and keeps me from tearing them apart. 2 coats at first then an additional one every couple days then after a week or two remove it and start over. It's kinda expensive (cheaper if you buy online) but it's not nasty like the spicy thumb sucker stuff and your nails actually look nice which is also motivation.
  18. Susan S January 22, 2016 at 2:31 pm #
    Yes! What Heather said! I love OPI Nail Envy (there are a couple of formulas but they all work) and it worked for me. Also, a cuticle oil really helps me because I also go after any dry skin around the nail or finger tips. Seeing a woman gnawing on her nails at a stop light grossed me out, too, so that was added incentive for me to try to stop. So unattractive and I was guilty of that one myself. Weird side note on the onion thing: Chopping onions never made me cry when I wore contact lenses. What the heck does that mean? Is the colored part of your eye the sensitive part?
  19. Laurie January 22, 2016 at 7:23 pm #
    I started to have trouble growing my nails about a year ago and remembered something I used a long time ago. It is called Nail Magic. I buy it on I put a couple of coats on when I'm in bed. It drys really fast. I try to put a coat on every night. It really works!! I also buy those food service gloves from Sam's Club and I use them a lot in the kitchen so I don't have to wash my hands constantly!
  20. Laurie January 22, 2016 at 7:27 pm #
    Oh, I forgot about the food question. We are in MD and are expecting 24 inches of snow! We have so much food it is not funny! My friend came to stay with us and she brought her three dogs. So we have a total of four here. It will be fun to see them in the snow! We are making Jumbo Lump crabcakes tonight and Burrata with black truffle Capresi.
  21. KalynsKitchen January 22, 2016 at 8:25 pm #
    Onion Googles are the bomb! I even wrote a post about them. 100% yes.
  22. Jamie | The Kitchenarium January 23, 2016 at 11:17 am #
    Baby Jessica! We had a well basically right outside the back door. I was so terrified of that thing when I was growing up because I didn't want to be baby jessicaed. Except our well was 3 ft across and full of water (which we actually drank).
  23. Abby January 24, 2016 at 2:31 pm #
    There's this book called "The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry." It's a decent book. But I'm really starting to think that's the trick with onions. My knives are like, yikes.
  24. Merry January 25, 2016 at 6:19 am #
    Your kids are so cute... :)
  25. Nichole January 25, 2016 at 4:56 pm #
    I take a Biotin supplement and dab lotion on my cuticles at the end of the day.No more hangnails!
  26. Jessica @ Stuck On Sweet January 26, 2016 at 6:49 am #
    You gotta use cuticle cream before you go to bed! It will help with your hang nails. Burt's Bees sells one that I heard is good. I use Deborah Lippmann and love it.
  27. Emma January 26, 2016 at 7:48 pm #
    I try to always have a coat of Sally Hansen's Hard As Nails clear polish on my nails. One coat lasts at least a week and it dries almost instantly and stands up to hand washing for sure. Also, it really helps harden them and keep them from breakage and hang nails.
  28. Kiley January 27, 2016 at 9:10 am #
    According to my mother, I was completely obsessed with baby Jessica and her well-being.. I was only four. Haha!
  29. Lindsay January 29, 2016 at 8:09 am #
    This post is honest and hilarious.. Bev style. Please keep it up. It seriously makes my morning!
  30. car insurance quotes June 4, 2016 at 2:46 pm #
    I can already tell that's gonna be super helpful.
  31. June 10, 2016 at 8:46 pm #
    ive had the most fun just walking up and down the street all night–like the other poster said, there are vendors selling cans of beer for like a dollar on every corner that you could just walk around with all night…you could go to bars anywhere, while in the french quarter just street walk throwing beads and flashing your you know what!!!! have fun its the best party ever!!!!References :
  32. June 22, 2016 at 8:14 am #
    A wall banger over regency whiskey? My goodness, it's enough to drive a gentle author to drink. ;-)Great post, Kristina. Personally, I enjoy a good port. But Negus, Orgeat, and Ratafia sound intriguing! Hmmmm, wonder if they serve them at the British Bankers Club here in Menlo Park? Worth asking. Cheers!

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