Friday Flotsam

Frrrrrrrrrrrrrit’s been a while! I feel like I say that often. I’ve been so out of sync with this space for some time. I go in and out, riding the micro waves of inspiration, only to fall back into little valleys of meh. But ya know what, we persevere and churn on! Because today is Friday and we’re gonna have some fun, damnit.

This right here is a tree peony, and it’s at the end of my street. I love this photo so much. The drama. The mood. If we were together in person I’d show you my floral drama editing trick.

Also we’re starting a band called Floral Drama Editing Trick. And we are horrible.

Here’s what the internet says about tree peonies, and why they’re different from regular peonies, if you care:

Tree peonies are actually small shrubs, rather than trees, producing gorgeous, goblet-shaped flowers in May and June. Unlike herbaceous peonies, which die back each year, tree peonies are taller and retain a permanent framework all year round.

I NEED ONE. I’m going to the nursery this weekend to see if they have any for sale. I need more vibey, shrubby perennials in my life.

Which remiiiiiiiinds me, I’m seeing Pride and Prejudice in the theater on Monday night! Remember our conversation about this, and how I’ve never seen it? I’ve never seen it! The 2005 version. You’re still processing it, I know. Monday night, baby! I shall be bewitched body and soul. And tree peony.

Looking at this tree peony reminds me of how my friend Laura was telling me (while we were walking down the street to see this plant) how she recently ran her fingers through her hair and tore through a cyst, and had her husband Eric dig it out (WITH THE SACK) using tweezers. There’s like, a hole her in her head now. It’s all good.

Dramatic tree peony and busted head cyst. They are forever linked.

Okay, I heard a word the other day in a podcast, and never ever in my life did I know it was pronounced this certain way. And the moment I heard it I decided I did not in fact care for the way it’s pronounced.

The word is . . . midwifery.

Okay, when you say that word, did you KNOW that the wife part is actually said like whiff? WHIFF!

W H I F F A A A A H.

I swear it is! MidWHIFFery. And they kept saying it over and over in this podcast and I wanted to throw my laptop in a river and just die.

MidWHIFFery? Stop it right now. It sounds like you’re mid whiff of a fart. That is exactly what it sounds like, and I refuse to say it. Not that I’m casually talking about midwives. I’m in Season 23 of Something Was Wrong and it’s all about that Origins birth center in Dallas/Forth Worth and how terrible they are.

Well I’ll tell you what else is terrible. THE WORD MIDWHIFFERY.

Here’s something else for you, while we’re enrolled in the Stop It Right Now camp.

I got an email from . . . oh, I don’t know, Madewell maybe? And the header said, “Introducing the Balloon Jean” and I about laughed my entire face completely off.

BALLOON JEAN? Hahahahahhahahaha!!!!!

No. That is the opposite of what we’re striving to achieve in this life, MADEWELL. (sorry if it wasn’t you, Madewell, but I kind of think it was.) I didn’t even look to see what this balloon jean looked like. I’m sure it’s not horrific, but maybe find a different word for balloon. No woman wants to wear anything with the word BALLOON in it. Listen, perimenopause is already stretching the limits with my mood and anything body balloon related. Do not do this to me, Madewell.

Balloon jean. Please.

I bet they’re cute.

Weekend plans? We’ve had stellar temps this week, only to collapse back into the 50s with solid rain through Sunday night. On Easter, no less! The day meant only for eggs and mimosas and pies and flower planting and fern hunting and roast chicken. We’ll still make it happen. Only indoors. We have a Girl Scouts Father/Daughter (I refuse to say daddy) dance at school tonight. (Barbie themed! I’ll get a photo, natch.) I’ll hang with two mom friends and our sons over tacos and a glass of wine. Then an EARLY (and very rainy) soccer game tomorrow morning, followed by natural egg dyeing and reading. I’m about to finish The Return, and will definitely report back. It’s a quiet book, but I feel like shit’s about to blow up. I need it to.

I did post a Crispy Chicken Cutlet Salad that I think you’ll love this weekend! Do make that happen, if you can. Here’s a video on how it comes together. It’s my absolute favorite.

Tell me your weekend plans! But not if you own balloon jeans. Actually tell me if you do.