Friday Flotsam

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAArudeelaadooday.

What do we think about, “I love me some ____.”?

Like when people say the words “love me some” in relation to things in this world and life. I find myself actually saying that phrase from time to time, and then I cringe and think, “I can’t be someone who says that phrase”. And then I say it again immediately.

I sure do love me some folksy Swift. (I swear I’ll stop talking about this someday.)

Ohhhhhhh I love me some buttermilk chicken.

GURL, I so love me some Randy Rainbow.

Why do we say this? What’s wrong with us? How can we stop?

Also, “FAN OF.” My mom cannot stand that phrase and it makes me giggle so much. “Just say you don’t like it! How hard is that?”

SO MOM, what you’re saying is, you’re not a fan of “not a fan of?” That one nearly did her in, you guys.

These are the things I think about at night and all the time.

I saw this question on one of my IG pal’s Stories, and it was SO MEANT for this platform, so I’m gonna ask you the same because I feel like the responses will be so freaking stellar.

What’s the worst (best?) autocorrect disaster you’ve ever encountered? The sending OR receiving end, spill it. Dying to hear these.

I’m trying to think of mine. Honestly my top-of-head answers are so lame. But I can’t stand when autocorrect changes were to we’re. Or vice versa. Or its to it’s. (“You would not use “it’s” in this place. As a possessive. It’s a contraction. What’s a contraction?” -name that song.)

Or when it adds an apostrophe to days of the week in plural form when it’s NOT NEEDED. I want to scream every time. Not a fan of that at all.

Your answers are going to be so good. I can already tell I’m going to loooove me some of this.

Oh, book update! (because I know you can’t sleep without these details.)

This week I finished Never Have I Ever. Obviously I loved it. Twisted and dark in places. Unexpected ending. Psycho demented characters. Yes, please. I just started another summery book called Feels Like Falling, and I’m already hooked. I love stories that go back and forth between two wildly different characters/points of views. I’m still only 48 pages in, but I can tell it’s gonna be a delicious southern doozy.

After THIS, The Vanishing Half is happening. I’ve heard nothing but glowing reviews, so I’m super excited to get in that.

Ashlee and I are already crafting our next round of books, which will be carrying us in fetal position straight into fall. Remember last week when I asked you all if you listen to classical music while reading?

WELL, a) I’ve been doing that! Okay, only two times because I keep forgetting. And b) Ash had the brilliant idea of doing a whole classic book/classical music PAIRING. Do you want to know the obscene amount of giddy pants I’m experiencing over this? It’s like a good cheese and rosé pairing. Only with ink on tree bark and sound waves in eardrums. How could we not be into this? I’ll keep you posted on the WHAT AND WHEN, boo boo babes. (<–sorry)

One more thing about books before I release you from my death grip: have any of you ever read the eight-book Freida Klein murder mystery series by the Nicci French duo? Is that something to tackle in the colder months? Just think about it. No pressure. I’m breezy! (“You can’t say you’re breezy. That totally negates the breezy!” – name that show.)

You’re like, wait, where has RANDY RAINBOW been my entire life?

You’re welcome.

Weekend plans?

My parents are coming to visit! We’ve not seen them since T H A N K S G I V I N G. Of 1986. We all got THE COV test and have been hunkered since. Now that we’ve all received our good clean bill of health, they’re in the car. And they’re packing little sandwiches in a 1977 muted red and white thermos from Sears so they don’t have to stop because that’s the Blanns for ya and I love it so hard.

From this week in case you missed it!: August’s mixtape! I loveloveLOVE that so many of you are so into it. The messages you’ve been sending waaaaarm meh to the moon, you have no idea. Also, this Creamy Chicken and Beans deliciousness. It’s a MUST for these times we’re living, you guys. Get in all of that.

Autocorrect mishaps – go! I’m so excited.

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26 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Diane Turley August 7, 2020 at 8:33 am #
    I had an ex-boyfriend that wouldn’t leave me alone...autocorrect changed it to “Leave me the duck alone!” My mom and I laughed and laughed. It’s remained a family joke 15 years later.
  2. Nancy August 7, 2020 at 8:41 am #
    I used to work with a guy named Duncan. Every time I wd send him an email, it would change his name to Dunce! So glad you get to see your parents this weekend. Was the test awful?
    • Bev Weidner August 7, 2020 at 9:37 am #
      Not at all! A nasal swab in both nostrils. Easy as anything!
  3. Jenn P August 7, 2020 at 10:09 am #
    My old boss's name is Debra, and for whatever reason, apple was not okay with that spelling and would constantly change it to "Zebra". There is a group of us that still refer to her as "Zeebs" and it's easily been 12 years.
  4. Dawn August 7, 2020 at 11:35 am #
    Can we please talk about the hummingbird photo because it's beautiful and made my day ::swoon::
    • Peekiesmom August 7, 2020 at 11:44 am #
      Wait, that’s not a real hummingbird, is it?
      • Bev Weidner August 7, 2020 at 3:05 pm #
        It's real, indeed! I put a bunch of videos in Stories earlier this week. It bonked our window, but lived!
  5. Kimberly August 7, 2020 at 11:55 am #
    I have 3: My brother sent me a happy birthday text when he was away at college and I replied to him telling him that mom and dad came over for dinner but it auto corrected to Mom and Dan. He replied with "DAN??? WHO IS DAN??? Where is DAD???" It was hilarious. Also I sent my brother a text to tell him we were making stuffed jalapenos and somehow it auto corrected to Jalapenis. I still refer to jalapenos that way, its way more fun to say. My last one isn't so much an auto correct but I was ordering company t-shirt for an annual meeting and instead of asking everyone for their size I decided to pull out my spreadsheet from last year and continued to send a COMPANY WIDE EMAIL asking everyone to "Please let me know if your shit size has changed in the last year." *Dies of embarrassment*
    • Erin Marie August 10, 2020 at 10:53 am #
      🤣🤣🤣 Died laughing at all of these!
    • Sam August 21, 2020 at 11:46 pm #
      omg I have tears hahahahaha
  6. Erica August 7, 2020 at 12:19 pm #
    I work in quality assurance for a food company... this industry uses the word "specs" all the time, short for "specifications" of different food ingredients. I once sent my boss a quick email from my phone and used the word "specs" multiple times in the email. My iPhone auto-corrected every "specs" to "sex." As in, "did you take a look at the specs?" "What did you think of the specs?" Except with the auto-corrected version. :)
  7. Ashley August 7, 2020 at 12:48 pm #
    I was trying to text a new mom friend that I was on my way to meet them at the park for our kids' playdate. Autocorrected "I'm leaving" to "I'm lesbian."
  8. Nicole August 7, 2020 at 1:52 pm #
    When we were engaged, my husband's mother gave me a book related to wedding planning and so I sent her a text to thank her - "thanks for the wedding fuck!" That was fun. Really though, only 1 letter is even the same, and they don't rhyme, so I think autocorrect just likes to mess with me. Or book with me. (eyeroll) Also, my maiden name was Dansereau and it would always get corrected to Dangerous. But I liked that one!
  9. dayne August 7, 2020 at 2:06 pm #
    “Now SHE sounded breezy!”
    • Tif August 10, 2020 at 2:21 pm #
      "You can't SAY you're breezy. That totally negates the breezy!"
  10. Monica August 7, 2020 at 5:39 pm #
    1. That hummingbird photo 😱 I agree Dawn! 2. Worst auto correct happened to me this week.. I gave my dad some “Dick and Jane” posters to list on eBay and I text him “Did you post this Dick in HAND pics on eBay yet” well I didn’t really see what I sent because I was typing with one hand and didn’t check before sending.., to which he responded “WHAT?!” I turned ten shades of red 😬😭 sry Dad 🤦🏻‍♀️
  11. Necie August 7, 2020 at 9:29 pm #
    I’m so not a fan of “love me some” haha 🤦🏻‍♀️. However, I’m a fan of your mix tapes😜.
  12. Mary August 8, 2020 at 9:49 am #
    I’m an administrative assistant to our priest. We had someone who wanted to start the annulment process, (which is also referred to as a declaration of nullity). Autocorrect helped me text our priest that someone wanted an appointment to start the nudity process! His return text said he would like to decline that appointment 🤣 Also, I don’t mind “love me some” as much as I do “git me some”!
  13. Tricia August 8, 2020 at 10:21 am #
    My daughter in Wyoming sent a picture of a cute little marmot she saw on the trail. I tried to ask “ did it have little claws “ and it came out “did it have little clogs?” We both cracked up imagining the visual.
  14. Olivia August 10, 2020 at 9:45 am #
    My husband texted me asking about my day at work, and I meant to say "OK nothing special", but instead said "OK nothing sexual".....I laughed and he said he hoped not.
    • Erin Marie August 10, 2020 at 10:59 am #
      I processed expenses and A/P for a coronation and I was always having to politely nag the CFO to turn in her receipts for her expenses. Instead of “hey, lady, I need your receipts please!” My email said, “Hey, LAZY, I need your receipts please!” 😬🤭
  15. Kelly August 10, 2020 at 12:39 pm #
    My best friend is throwing together a last-minute backyard wedding instead of the real thing in a few weeks and we were texting about bakeries for a small cake. I remembered seeing people rave about a funfetti and cannoli flavored cake and told her I would look into it but it came out "people really love this fingertip and cannoli cake", and well, that's just the most 2020 sounding flavor ever, don't ya think??!
  16. Erin August 11, 2020 at 1:49 pm #
    Breezy quote - Totally Friends! Monica, while leaving a message for Richard Autocorrect - OMG, I can’t believe I’m telling this, I was in Miami with my husband and walked by a wedding reception. My cousin used to love the Lion King and the band at the reception was playing can you feel the love tonight, so I texted my cousin and said, “Nick and I are in Miami right now and we just walked by a wedding reception and the couple was doing their first dance to can you feel the love tonight and I thought of you,”, only autocorrect changed walked to f***ed. My cousin wrote back and said Well you can f*** wherever you want I guess but I don’t recommend doing it in front of a wedding reception. I had no clue what she was talking about until I went back to read the text. Needless to say, that was the big joke at our family thanksgiving that year
  17. lisa August 14, 2020 at 6:13 am #
    Woow AJ! It’s amazing how you become from $300 to only $57. I’m doing the same when upgrading my PC. I replace only one or two the worst components and PC running better after that 🙂
  18. Andrea August 23, 2020 at 9:14 pm #
    Oh these are fun! My mom came over to bathe my newborn (it's a tradition) During the process my dad texted and said "send a picture of mother BEATING the baby" It ruined the moment. And we laughed.

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