DIY Birthday Crown

We’re getting a birthday over here today! Well, two birthdays.

Two babies + two first birthdays = two first birthday crowns. See how good at math I am?

First and foremost, these crowns are pretty jank. But I so don’t care. They’re janky cute. Cutesy jank.

Two jankies + two cutesies = six proseccos. See how good at math I am? Don’t answer that.

Since the day they were born (orrr, a few months ago), I knew I wanted to make simple felt crowns for their first birthday. It’s a mother’s dream. That and high waisted jeans, but that’s for another post. So, just in case you want to make one for your little gremlin, too, here’s how!

Step one: royally piss off your child by wrapping a tape measure around her head. Truth be told, that’s a giggle, even though it looks like she’s about to tear into my jugular. While we’re at it, can we please just lick, I mean look at that belly?

Step two: remember that it’s the dead of winter and ignore Bev’s incredibly pasty arms. Then measure three inches in height on a large strip of felt. (color of your choice! i chose cream and mustard. but we’ll get to the mustard part in a little bit. and no, it has nothing to do with diapers. what is wrong with you?)

Both of their heads measured right around 18 inches, so I made a little chalk dot at the 21-inch mark, to leave room for overlap, And hello, error. That’s step three, bee tee dub.

Step four: cut your 3×21-inch strip!

Step five: right in the middle of the fabric, make a dot every two inches, making the marks for the base of the crown peaks. Crown valleys? I don’t think that’s the way you say that. At all.

Step six: keep remembering to look past the hideous ghostly hue of Bev’s hands, and cut your crown peaks. Zig zag. Zig zag. You get it.

Step seven: if you can’t find the color of felt that you want, you paint! I wanted mustard for Will, and cream for Nat, so here I am painting Will’s crown. I just did one coat, and here in a bit you’ll definitely be able to tell. You can see right through it in parts. It’s a little gross. But see, a huge part of motherhood is forgiveness, right? Well, that and prosecco.

(that’s just your basic acrylic fabric paint rawt thar.)

Step eight: after you wrap the crown around your baby’s head to make sure it has a good snug fit, lightly coat a couple of edge inches with fabric glue, and slap her together. (gently slap. actually don’t slap at all. just place. like, gently place.)

Also, I just painted one side, as you can see. <—- lazy pants. But feel free to get fancy and paint both sides if you want!

After a couple of hours of drying, you’re ready to go into the world and be worn, little crowns!

Okay, also, they totally cried when they ate the cake. I’m not sure if it was the huge blob that was overwhelming to them, or was it the sugar? I have no idea. They ate a few bites, and then waaaaaaah. We died laughing. And then refilled our prosecco, natch.

Oh, my darling William. You and your mullet completely slay me.

Oh, my sweet Natalie. Your mischievous sassy pants will forever keep me giggling. And slightly scared.

I actually have more thoughts and reflection (that word makes me sound serious) on motherhood that I’ll share later this week, and then I prooooomiiiiiise it’s back to food next week.

But for now? A few party outtakes.

Gifties! Since it’s a winter party and we couldn’t be outdoors, I brought the outdoors in. Isn’t that so P. Allen Smith of me? We kept it simple with a toy each, and then something to share. A goat-skinned drum, a tiny purse made from a Mexican blanket, and a wooden stick with jingle bells on it. Happy pants everywhere.

We had a couple of our best friends over, sipped prosecco (have I mentioned that yet?), snacked on crackers and cheese and baked mozzarella sticks. Then Aaron made these Chicken Parmesan French Breads for dinner! It was delicious, simple, way fun, and perfect.

Oh yeah, the cake. This was the cake recipe that I used. I will say, it overflowed a bit in the baking process, but we all know what kind of baker I am. Er, baker I’m not. Also, per reader suggestion, I used cleaned out tuna cans for the baby-size smash cakes. BUT, two of the cans were those newer kind where you pull the lid off, so they had a slight rim on the inside. That messed up one of my cakes. Babies don’t care though.

So that was it! Today’s their actual birthday, so I think we’ll eat leftover cake for breakfast, wear crowns, open birthday cards, watch Robin Hood 48275 times, and take kazillions of photos.

One year old, man. They did it. *I* did it. I wonder if I have any prosecco left?