Friday Flotsam

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFare you ever nervous how I’ll end this?

POLL:

What do we think about Pajama Day at school?

Okay, as I pose this question, you must know – I don’t care one way or the other. The kids love it (for the most part), they think it’s funny (for the most part), and it makes the morning a little easier (for the most part).

Aaron hates it. And it is hilarious. Not only does he hate it, he thinks it’s super creepy. Which makes me laugh so hard anytime there’s Pajama Day at school, because I just anticipate the groans and the whys and the this-is-so-stupids and the it’s-just-awkwards from him. Secretly, I look forward to these days only to live out the hilarity of watching him squirm. It’s the best.

Thing is, before yesterday (because I panic Primed new fall pjs), all of Will and Nat’s pajamas were completely tattered. And I mean, ripped up, too small, holey, a grand mess. They don’t look cute and adorable like Little Orphan Annie. No, dude – they’re way past that stage and are now Little Shop of Horrors Skid Row Annie. And I’m not dissing the style here. Heck, I love the style! But not at school in front of other humans.

How do you handle Pajama Day at your house? Moaning and groaning, or straight outta bed and into backpacks with a skip in your step? I need to know this so I can tell Aaron you’re either Team Bev or Team Aaron.

Be gentle.

I have another question for you. And it’s more of a “how did this start and who invented it and why” than a “what is this” type of question.

What the h is Gotcha Day?

As in, you’re getting a pet, I guess? This week in Stories I posted that it was our 15-year Charlieversary (with our dog), and everyone said something about Gotcha Day. And I was like whatta what day? Is this a typo?

And THEN it reminded me that in my GirlSquad text thread, my friend Sarah was showing us pictures of her new puppy she’s getting in mid October, and my friend Laura asked when Gotcha Day would be. And I thought it was Autocorrect. Only, Sarah responded like it was a completely normal question. Which perplexed me even more. But I didn’t ask right in the moment because I was distracted with my bangs or something.

GOTCHA DAY? What is this, a game of pet tag? Gotcha? I don’t understand these words.

Look, I’m not an old Fuddy Duddy (you’re like, “I beg to differ”) but Gotcha Day is odd. Don’t ask me what it should be called (Adoption Day? Petiversary?), but it should be anything, ANYTHING besides Gotcha Day.

Also have you seen the Meg Ryan fall outfits on TikTok? Let’s just absorb that for that next five months okay?

That whole paragraph probably should have been under this photo, but we can get past it I’m sure.

OKAY – have you guys heard of this dude – hold on, let me look up his name.

One second, hold up.

John Allen! Er, Mr. Ballen. That’s it. He has a YouTube channel called Strange, Dark and Mysterious and he’s A D D I C T I V E. (not addicting) His story telling is captivating, thorough, intriguing, and will leave you shocked, covered in chills and equal parts paralyzed and slobbering over the play button for his next round of spook.

Aaron’s been watching him for a while, but he just introduced me to him recently since it’s October, and his specialty is crime and the unexplained. He’s an x-navy seal dad who wears nothing but plaid, always has a backwards black cap on, and has super long ex-snowboarder hair. Honestly, he looks like the kind of dad who really gets into Pajama Day at school.

You should totally watch him tonight if you feel like peeing your pants. Also lock the doors.

Okay one more question for you and I’ll let you go forever (because I have to watch more plaid/cap Ballen).

We’re hosting a (Covid-safe-masked-up) Halloweidner Haunted House Happy Hour for the neighborhood kids on Halloween (the happy for the parents, the haunted for the spawn). (Also, all Aaron and the kids’ idea, but I’m starting to lean in.) We’re going to have each room be a theme. So like, for Will’s, his will have the buckets where kids stick their hands into “eyeballs” and “brains.” (just seeing how many parentheses I can fit into this paragraph before getting punched in the face.)

WHAT SHOULD THESE BE, THOUGH? Grapes with olive oil for the eyeballs? Cooked pasta for brains? That’s not quite right. Help me nail down these specifics so I can take them back to my family and they’ll be impressed that I’m excited and helping.

I AM excited, though. I genuinely am! I’m going to be a classic witch (but like, the indie version with a pleated black skirt and a black Everlane turtleneck and ankle boots), with my own cauldron of canned wine. It’s only necessary.

What else should the kids stick their hands in? (not a sentence I willingly write everyday)

Also, in our bedroom we’re going to hang my Taylor Swift nightgown from last year from the ceiling and have a TV under it with Poltergeist static, and Aaron’s going to jump out with a leaf blower so the ghost moves toward the kids. Hahaha, we’re such cool parents!

…I think.

Weekend plans?

I seriously need to clean out my pantry. ALSO it’s going to be 92 degrees tomorrow (what the actual…) so I’m probably going to whip out my bathing suit by 11am and get super grouchy. How are we supposed Meg Ryan fall outfit ourselves in this complete BS??

From this week, in case you missed it! Your October mixtape. It’s so perfect. Please surrender your ears already. And also, a veeeery simple Quick Cook Risotto with Italian Sausage and Sun-Dried Tomatoes! The cheater’s version of risotto, and it’s FABULOUS.

Tell me what scary movie you’re watching tonight! For us it’s BLTs (for dinner), Nightbooks for the kids and Malignant for us. Seen either? Should I pee first? Lock the doors?

GOTCHA.