Friday Flotsam

FLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAHDEEEDAY.

Do you sleep in a bra?

Dudes be like, PASS.

But, do you? Is this a thing? Sleeping in your bra?

Over the 4th of July, I was drinking rosé absurdly early in the day with a couple of besties, and we were talking about boobs. (#duh) Sleeping in your bra came up, and I’m seriously surprised at JUST HOW MANY ladies sleep in their bras! Bra. One lady per bra.

I didn’t know this was a thing! Do you do this, or do you “SET THE GIRLS FREE” – another phrase spoken at high levels that rosé-induced morni – um, day.

Tell me, what is it supposed to DO? Because I’m one hundred kabillion percent on board if it shrinks them down, perks them up and reverts them back to the fearless headlights they once were in their beloved teen years.

And like, is there a specific sleep BRA? Or do you just wear an old stretched-out sports bra and call it a day?

My mom is like, “Ooooof course this is her first Friday Flotsam topic after a month-long hiatus.” Followed by removing my name from the will.

Have you ever actually “turned this car around?”

Over our Connecticut trip, we found ourselves slinging that phrase around like cliché robots. “WE WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND.” “DON’T TOUCH EACH OTHER.” “LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE.” “SHE DID NOT TRY TO BITE YOU.” “THAT IS A SHOELACE, NOT A SNAKE, STOP SCREAMING.” “WE WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUUUUUUND.”

But I mean, we never did. No one actually TURNS THE CAR AROUND, do they? It’s 100% just a scare tactic, I know that. But can you imagine how awful and sad and devastating it would be if you really did turn the car around?? You’re not ABOUT to turn the car around. No way.

My parents neeever turned the car around. Not once. Same for Aaron. Never did the car get turned around. Not a single, dingle time.

No one turns the car around.

No one.

I’m curious though, in the entire history of this phrase, just how many times the car ACTUALLY got turned around.

I mean, maybe en route to get a root canal? “I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND.”

A mammogram? “I WILL TUUUUURN THIS CAR AROUND.”

A colonoscopy? “LOOK I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND SO FAST.”

No one does.

Have you?

You have, haven’t you. You turned the car around!

I kind of want to turn the car around.

HOW IS THIS STILL A THING? ^^^^^^

Don’t get me wrong, I’m obsessed with it. But only on others’ houses and specifically not mine.

The other morning on my run, I passed at least four houses that were teepeed. Tee-peed. TP’d?

FOUR! That’s a lot of Charmin. So when I took the kids to summer school that morning, we passed another one, and I had the privilege of explaining to them what this juvenile act entails. And I was like, “THEN the parents make their kids get all that toilet paper down. But I have no idea how they get toilet paper down like that from the tree tops.”

And Nat goes, “MOM, they use dragons.”

Me, “Do what?”

Nat, “They use dragons to get the toilet paper down.”

Me, “Dragons? Seriously? Where do they find dragons?”

And Will chimes in, “FROM A DRAGON CAVE, MOM. Or a forest.”

Me, “Ohhhhh. Right. Okay. A dragon cave. Makes sense. I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND.”

Tell me this, because I’m dead serious – how DO you get that toilet paper down from the tree tops? (Besides dragons.) I’ve wanted to know this since the mid-’80s.

Also, let me make something clear – I DO NOT WANT TO FIND OUT ON MY OWN, local friends. Stay back. I’ve got weapons. (and by weapons I mean like, a finger nail file.)

Have you been teepeed?! Seriously, how do you get it down?!

Obsessed with this.

I kind of want to get back into tongue scraping.

Weekend plans?

IT IS GOING TO BE SO HOT. However, I do see a scattering of thunderstorms in our Sunday forecast, so I feel like there is a ray of hope for my lawn and garden’s lives. (Have you missed my weather forecast updates?? Don’t answer that.)

We’ve got a bestie birthday to celebrate tomorrow night, and some pergola pimping to do this afternoon. If you’re not following on Stories, you’re still a good person. But Aaron built a pergola for our back patio, and it’s STUNNING. Super minimal with no tapered edges, ivy and bistro lights on the top, bright green hanging plants on every post. I’m dying. White curtains arrive today, and a new cream three-piece sectional arrives next week. ANDDDDD Aaron added his own personal touch with that string/ring game. You know, you swing a ring toward a hook to see if you hook it? The ring? On the hook? That you swing? Never mind.

Wait, you are even reading this?

YOU KEEP READING OR I WILL TURN THIS BLOG AROUND.