How to Survive an Indoor Toddler Craft Day

YES THAT IS GLITTER, mamas just take a deep breath.

So yeah. We totally got a jump on Valentine’s Day crafting like two weeks ago because the kids WILL NOT stop singing Christmas songs. Is this happening to anyone else?

Seriously, all I hear all day long, “AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR POOP.” Mind you, it’s not the correct lyrics, but the sentiment is there.

And I’m over it.

So! Valentine’s Day shniz it is. (oh that rhymed.)

I knew glitter would be involved (breathe). And glue (another breath.) And food coloring (deeper breath). And vintage Valentine’s Day cards (that I can handle). But I’ll tell you what REALLY enhanced our indoor picnic/Valentine crafting party extravaganza.

Rosé!

Okay. For me it was rosé. Let’s get hashtag real.

Chocolate! Not real chocolate though. Someone rhyming with SMAARON hasn’t exactly tapped into that just yet.

But! My true lover, Stonyfield yogurt has this brand new (chocolaty!) product called CHOCO MOOO and it’s chocolate. Like organic chocolate yogurt pudding almost. I mean it’s chocolate yogurt. That you suck out of a pouch. CHOCOLATE in a pouch, you guys. Basically a kid’s best day of life ever.

And mine.

And then the glitter.

So as you can clearly see, my idea of crafting is food and booze. I don’t feel like that’s too horrible of a start.

Oh, while I have you (wait, do I have you?) I want to share with you my go-to play dough (play doh?) recipe that I’ve been using for the past whatever months.

I read up on a TON of recipes, and sort of willy nilly’d my own until I got a texture that’s not too dry, not too sticky, and not too slimy. Yuh gunnuh luv it.

Goes like this:

1/2 cup water

1 tsp vegetable oil

1/4 cup of salt

1 tsp cream of tartar

whatever natural food coloring you dig

1/2 cup flour

So you’ll put the water, oil, salt, tartar, and a few drops of food coloring in a small saucepan. Just barely warm it while you whisk it. Nothing intense or scary. Just a little bit warm. But the whisking will help the tartar dissolve into the mix. Then, off the heat add the flour. Stir it until it sort of congeals, then dump it on the counter top and knead it until it’s . . . well, playdough. Play dough? Play doh? Playdoh?

Where did I put that rosé?

We make this mix ALL THE TIME. Weekly. Makes about a fist-size ball. And in different shaaades and colooooors and yes that’s glitter in my wine just look away. #truemotherhood

In case you’re super stressed out right now, here’s a very grainy photo of Will. I don’t even care how blurry it is. I want to stick his little face back in my uterus.

(Also, mom readers, you’ll be pleased as <yogurt?> pie to know that these pouches have 25% less sugar than other ones. Woot! Aaaaand, because Stonyfield Organic kids yogurt is certified organic, it means it doesn’t have any of those nasty hormones, artificial flavorings, antibiotics, pesticides, grody GMOs, etc. You can do a little dance right now if you want to.)

(And one more thing! Because I love tidbits like this. Stonyfield is about to celebrate their THIRTY FIFTH birthday this year! They ain’t new to the organic snack game, y’all. Dey pros.)

You’re still anxious about that glitter wine, aren’t you?

I totally drank it, by the way.

The glitter.

I drank it.

Speaking OF, here’s a not-at-all stressful way to incorporate glitter into your play dough! Playdough? Just pack pack pack it all around the dough ball. Just allll around. None of it will get on your floor or in your bra or in your hair or in your wine. None!

(And you can call it glay-dough and it will make you hate life a little bit less.)

I think.

This in another not-at-all maddening trick you can do with the play dough that you spent good time making JUST THIRTY MINUTES AGO.

Mix it all together! Just let those colors mash. Let it alllll go to waste. It’s fine.

Or make brains intestines! There is a four-year old boy living in this house, you know.

And then there’s Will! (ba-domp.)

In case you’re slipping into cardiac arrest due to grody intestinal playdoh (play doh?) and glitter overload, here’s (another blurry) photo of Eyelashes.

Feeling better yet?

This is how I take care of you.

I sure hope you’ve enjoyed this (um, faux) thorough guide on how to survive an indoor crafting picnic with small children.

WINE.

CHOCO MOOO.

AND A STRONG VACUUM AND MAID SERVICE AND NEW FLOORS AND A THERAPIST AND MAYBE MORE WINE.

The end.

(This post is definitely in partnership with my lover, Stonyfield Yogurt. But all ramblings and Mooo slurpings are totally my own. And Will and Nat’s. We coo? I mean cooo?)