Friday Flotsam

F r  I d    AAAAAAAAAAA     y.

Snowflakes on Window

I think I’m getting into neck yoga.


I feel like the moment my body turned 40, it sent a private DM to Elli (the goddess of old age in Greek mythology) with the subject heading “URGENT!” and a detailed set of instructions with a strand of angry face emojis, plotting out the rapid deterioration of my neck.

Actually, don’t judge the status of my neck based on a certain IG story from the other night, with me holding a newborn. I was allergic to something in the air that day, and my neck was red and inflamed and itchy and looked like the plague.

Neck yoga. I’m getting into it. I found this video the other morning, during one of my routine anxiety spirals, and I feel like I might be getting a second chance at life. This is so happening.

Do you do neck yoga? Do you use anything particular on your neck, or are you young and youthful with supple skin and full of stupid collagen?

I’m going to say neck yoga one more time.

Neck yoga.

Tin Bells

I have an update on my Gilmore Girls teeeeeee!

I haven’t made it yet.

But! I am this weekend. My iron-on letters arrived. I bought a simple gray t-shirt, but I think I might get out today and try to thrift one that’s a few shades darker. Not an entire 50 shades of gray darker, but more like 17 shades. Or six.

AND, I narrowed down my slogan. Not to be confused with Logan.

Oh! Update on where I am. (cue opening music) (also, spoilers ahead)

Dean basically just broke up with Rory for good. Yaaaaaaay! I was really hating his hair and face and voice. She was at that fancy Yale party at her G-rents’ house, looking straight up Breakfast at Tiffany’s, with her chic bun, tiny tiara and long smooth neck (curses!). Logan and his buds were there, and he’s put on his royal “big brother” face with her. Being her source of comfort, post fresh breakup. Calling her ACE. I hate that, by the way. Who does he think she is exactly? Snoopy with flight goggles, sitting on top of her doghouse, soaring around imaginary skies, pretending she’s a war hero? Get a new nickname, SLOGAN.

I also really hate Logan’s hair. It’s way too d-bag spiky right now. Too Sugar Ray. Terrible. Will this change in coming seasons? Hair is important, you know! Says a lot about a person. That and shoes. And dental floss brands.

Anyway, I’m making the shirt this weekend, so I’ll get it on the Snaps and Stories. I really hope it works out for me. Considering how my last DIY attempt turned out, I might need to have some backup on hand. And a priest. And wine.

Toddlers in snowflakes

I need help!

Yes, more.

Give me your best indoor-activity ideas. Our temperatures have plummeted in the last day or so, and I’m a giant sissy in cold air, and my kids are going bonkers L O C O right now. We water color, we play with play doh, we have non-stop Christmas movies on, yadda yadda. But I need mooooooooreeeaaaaaaaa.

Oh, also! What are your fave kid Christmas movies? We’ve done all the classics over and over, but I feel like I’m forgetting mildly life changing and semi-current. Give me your list. I’m desperate.

“I’m desperate!” Name that movie.

Actually, never mind, let’s do this one.

“…He was okay, ya know. After six, seven weeks, came around, started talking again.”

Frost and Feet

On a scale from 1 to 10, where do we stand with Elf on the Shelf?

Mantle decor

Weekend plans? I have a t o n  of wrapping to do. Also some rapping, but I won’t drag you into that.

We’re going to try and get out tomorrow with the kids to Christmas shop! I do 80% online, but there’s something so charming (my words, not Aaron’s) about getting out in the holiday bustle of things just long enough to not resent your existence. All the festive muuuusic, and the spaaaarkle, and the LONG TIGHT NECKS ON YOUNG LADIES. I’ll settle down. Maybe I’ll take a bath in vegetable glycerin and see where that gets me.

I just noticed this is my 100th edition of Friday Flotsam! Well gosh boppy, happy Flotsiversary to you! Also, I’m terribly sorry.





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12 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Kayle (The Cooking Actress) December 9, 2016 at 8:05 am #
    1-nah Logan's hair stays pretty douchey 2-I know this sounds weird but....Elmo Saves Christmas. I'm a 27 year old woman who watches it and loves it #noshame (Also Muppet Family Christmas and Muppet Christmas Carol...I may be a tad obsessed with muppets)
    • Julie December 14, 2016 at 12:34 pm #
      Oh, I had forgotten about Elmo Saves Xmas (my daughter is 17 now), but that really is a good one!
  2. Nicole Taggart December 9, 2016 at 8:15 am #
    I love elf on the shelf. the elf is a pain in the ass if you make it that way. Just move it around and don't be an over achiever with it doing activities like snow angels in spilled flour and crap like that every night. It works well when our 3 year old is having a meltdown or behaving badly and we remind/threaten her with 'SPRINKLES IS WATCHING AND WILL TELL SANTA TONIGHT!!!!!"
  3. Taylor December 9, 2016 at 9:18 am #
    I LOATHE Logan, always have, always will, in my opinion he only gets worse as the series goes on. Team Jess forever!
  4. Heather December 9, 2016 at 3:55 pm #
    Haha, I had no idea what you meant by neck yoga, but I clicked over to the video (only a Brit could make that kind of video!). I've heard of a couple more if you want. Look up to the ceiling and make kissy lips, and then look up at the ceiling and try touch your tongue to your nose. You can actually feel the burn! Also, the biggest "hell no" to elf on the shelf, so damn creepy!
  5. Sandy R December 10, 2016 at 10:17 am #
    You never fail to crack me up with your writing. I love it! I had never watched Gilmore Girls so I thought I better get busy. I just watched the pilot on Netflix. I have some catching up to do.
  6. Amanda F December 11, 2016 at 6:27 am #
    I'mma have to get on that neck yoga, b/c my grandmother's neck was prolific. Bless her heart. {{shudder}} Fighting genetics is no fun. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm a -4 on the Elf. We don't do the creepy elf--which requires so much more effort than I want to give before bedtime, and we also don't do the creepy hag who sneaks into the house to pay for our children's used teeth. Merry Christmas! Looking forward to making your beef stroganoff and pumpkin oatmeal cookies this weekend, when my parents arrive!
  7. Maria December 11, 2016 at 3:09 pm #
    I don't get the whole "elf on the shelf" thing. Who thought of it anyway? Someone who thought that maybe all the moms out there didn't have enough to do during the Christmas season? Really?!! I raised four children and struggled enough with having to keep up with the shopping, wrapping, parties, and staying up late on Christmas Eve just to fill up the stockings after entertaining a house full of guests. No thanks!! Save your sanity and ditch it. As for the neck thing, sorry sister, but there is nothing out there short of surgery that will take care of that. I heard a very wise Doctor once explain that genetics plays a HUGE role in how well we age and beyond that gravity takes hold and destroys everything!!!
  8. Amanda December 12, 2016 at 11:32 am #
    Arthur Christmas - kids watch it nonstop. White Christmas - Mommy watches it nonstop. Any Ice Age movie (they've got "Ice" in the title - ice is cold - winter is cold - Christmas is in winter = Christmas movies!) Rise of the Guardians Home Alone (ah the late 80's/early 90's)
  9. Julie December 14, 2016 at 12:36 pm #
    A Christmas Story is my all-time fave, but your kids may be a little young for that one yet (it's not animated).
  10. Klara Donovan December 15, 2016 at 7:36 am #
    Elf on the shelf = nope. Nopity nope. Not in this house. Nope. Nope.
  11. Elisabeth March 11, 2021 at 2:07 am #
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