Friday Flotsam


Beachness - Friday Flotsam

Okay, remember how obsessed I got with my mini horse pube broom eyebrows a while back?

You’re like, “no but thanks for that lovely image.”

WELL, I ended up going to Ulta (wait, Ultra? Ulta. Ulba? Ulla? Uvula?) and had an eyebrow specialist go bonkers on my face. I thought all was going well, until I heard her utter, “Oh no. How can this be? LINDA? Come look at this. You won’t believe these eyebrows. I’ve never seen anything like this in all my life!” Linda cautiously walked over to our station, got about 5 feet away from me, started foaming at the mouth, then fainted.

I left Uvula.

THEN – would you believe this, but weeks later my mom was visiting while Aaron was out of town, and one morning as we were getting ready for the day, she whipped out this unassuming little brown pencil, and started filling in, adding shade, perfecting her arch. It was like EXCUSE ME WHAT IS THIS VOODOO WAND AND HOW CAN I MAKE THE REST OF MY LIFE ABOUT IT.

So I tried her little brown pencil. And it’s like, freaking perfect for me. I can make my eyebrows look like they did in 1994! I have such control. Such power. I’m like, all Bob Ross on that ish.

This is the pencil. Ain’t no ad, y’all. Just my love for sharing AND MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE A PILLOW FIGHT NEXT.


I’m reinventing my approach to denim.

The other day, I read this article that changed my life. It was all about getting older and going back to legacy brands. It was like a BOMB went off in my brain hole. YES. YESYESYES. So I went through the pants section of my closet, which closely resembles Mount Tambora, and I violently threw away 75% of my crap. Stretch denim – out. Super skinny – be gone.

All I want in my life are Levi’s, Wranglers and Lee jeans. HAHAHAHA. LEE JEANS. Remember in 7th grade when you wore Lee jeans and hated your existence? Well, they’re back. (in my head) And kind of hot, actually. (definitely in my head.)

I thrifted some old Lee’s and some men’s vintage black 501s the other day and I couldn’t be more psychotically obsessed. 100% cotton. Stiff denim, but worn in and cozy.

IT’S MY NEW LIFE. But don’t worry, I won’t do this to my jeans. No, Mariah.


Juiced it.

I have a question for you and it’s burning a hole in my soul.

I’ve been dying to ask you for some time, but haven’t had the courage within.

So, here goes. Putting my heart out there.

What do we think about visors?

…Because I think I might need to become a visor lady. (!!)

IS THIS AWFUL? Are they cool!? Are they gross?! Does this mean I need to get into poker or Old Maid or Bridge? I just find that I wear topknots 99.923746238358% of the time, but I want my forehead protected. WAAAAAH.

Do you wear visors? I guess paired with my Lee jeans I’ll be one hot rockin’ mama. (in my head.)

I need stylish visors. Help me. Guide me.

…Wait, are you still there?

Hatch Collection! LOVE the new fall line, omg.

You know Hatch, right?! It’s that stunning maternity clothing shop?

Also, I AM NOT PREGNANT.  (^^this is me pretending to know how to model and not look like a troll.)

But check it – non preggos can totally wear their stuff, too. They have a new fall line, and it’s so sleek and Parisian and sexy and I’m just dead over everything. The pants? ^^^ UGH. The blazer? ^^^ Help me.

If you’re knocked up, you should absolutely peep their goods. You’ll cry for days.

If you’re not knocked up, you should absolutely peep their goods. You’ll cry for days.

(p.s. I’m not pregnant.)

All the taffy

Weekend plans? I’m getting my first BBL tomorrow morning! EEEEEE. My plan is to snap it like whoa. I hope they’ll let me. I’m a tad nervous, only because I don’t know just how painful it will be. Should I wear my visor? Hahahahah!


Hahah ah h ah ah ah a.







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10 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Debbie September 23, 2016 at 11:10 am #
    Wowzee, were you smokiin crack as you wrote this?, kinda all over the place, but I kinda liked it! Have a great weekend, in your Lee jeans?
  2. Brittany | Words Like Honeycomb September 23, 2016 at 12:02 pm #
    all over the place is her Friday Flotsam specialty! I don't know about that visor situation...but I guess if it CAN be pulled off in a stylish manner, you would be the one to make it happen. I feel like you could make this one work!
  3. Kallie September 23, 2016 at 7:54 pm #
    Hey! I just commented on how awesome your brows were in InstaStories 3 days ago! That's great!
    • Bev Weidner September 24, 2016 at 7:31 am #
      Hahahaha! Thanks. I'm stupid obsessed with that pencil. :)
  4. Jodi September 23, 2016 at 11:14 pm #
    BBL? Or course you can get away with a visor. You're going to look like you play tennis - and you'd look cute in tennis gear - so take up another hobby and ROCK IT!
  5. Christine September 24, 2016 at 1:49 pm #
    What's a BBL? Because I googled it and all I came up with was Brazilian Butt Lift!
    • Bev Weidner September 24, 2016 at 1:53 pm #
      Hahahaha! Broad Band Light - laser! I'm documenting a whole skin journey on Snaps and IG Stories. If you read the last Flotsam, I announced the whole thing there. I'm also getting Botox and stupid excited. :)
  6. Denise September 24, 2016 at 3:59 pm #
    I am so picking up that pencil - love it! It was great getting to actually have a conversation over a glass of red the other evening at Chopped. Was nice being able to get to know you a bit better. By the way your talk was social was not overwhelming - too much fun actually! We were sitting in the back laughing our asses off.
  7. movita beaucoup September 25, 2016 at 7:15 am #
    I went to high school in the 80s, so visors seem perfectly acceptable to me. Paired with jelly shoes and a boom box on your shoulder? ACE.
  8. Taylor September 25, 2016 at 9:53 am #
    I just recently got into eyebrow makeup when I received this in my birch box, it's like mascara for your eyebrows! I got a pencil too but I think the gel is even easier to use.

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