Friday Flotsam

FRI                                     YAY.           !!!                                  Just kidding – day.        !!!!

Friday Flotsam Donut Bag

I just backspaced and took one of those exclamation points off, because THAT would make a difference in the obnoxiousness.

OKAY. Muthus who birthed alien gremlins: (dudes be like, “sweet now I can eat this pretzel”) Do you remember after the labor and delivery, once you were in recovery, how the uterus still continued to contract BACK to its original size, and you COULD WATCH IT? Like, your belly looked like mini ocean waves of maternal achievements right in front of your eyes. It actually still looked like the baby was IN it, just moving around all willy nilly – remember that? Do you?

Because since giving birth, after I eat, I can seriously watch my upper intestine freaking digest food and it ripples and waves across my belly and majorly grosses me out. I can put M Y H A N D on it and ride the repulsive wave of digestion.

Does this happen to you? Should I seek a doctor’s help? A counselor? A new set of friends?

Paris Man Smoking in His Window


I can promise you, this blog post only goes downhill from here.

Get this. Have you ever heard of the Kentucky Meat Shower of 1876? First of all, I think we can all agree that that might be the most magnificent strand of words to ever exist.

Basically, this farm woman was cold chilling, just making soup in her yard when all of a sudden, flakes of MEAT fell from the sky all around her, for seven straight minutes. And this was 1876, so way before airplanes! How about, vomiting vultures above her were upchucking their lunch in a 100-by-50-yard area. Yep, apparently vultures retch when they either feel threatened, or simply to lighten their load. I had no idea buzzards were bulimic! Don’t believe me?

Isn’t this unbelievable? You’re dying to change the subject, aren’t you?


Can you believe Baskin-Robbins still exists? I saw one the other day and was like, “THOSE ARE STILL ALIVE?” I hadn’t thought about Baskin-Robbins since I was in the marching band in 8th grade. That and RadioShack. I can’t believe RadioShacks are still going. How? How is this happening? And Lady Footlocker! Why? What? How? Who am I?

If these stores are still open for business, how did we lose The County Seat, Sam Goody, THE SHARPER IMAGE? (“Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry.” <–name that movie. well, both movies.)

These are the things I think about. Help me?

Green Chairs and Fence in Paris

Guess what! I AM GETTING A SPRAY TAN. But not today. I decided to hold on getting one before my trip because I was afraid of looking like an abominable alien giraffe after sitting on a plane for 28357343 hours.

I decided on April 29th. That’s the day! It’s right before a couple of Aaron’s craft shows, and I have a few rompers and dresses in mind for both weekends. I feel like this is a solid direction for my life. I can’t be lookin’ like Casper out there. Children running away in horror. Women screaming and shielding their eyes from such blinding terror.

See how I’m looking out for you and your eyeball health?

Field Flowers

Weekend plans?

Oh! I’ll have more on this to come in a post later this month, but her Kickstarter will be over by then. If you’re into baking mixes, you should totally peep Krista’s Baking Co. and her awesome kickstarter project! I’ll be showing you her cookie mixes in a few weeks, but for now you should take a looksie if you like cookies and eating them. Boom.

Also, what are you making for dinner tonight?

Also also, are you gardening this weekend? What are you getting in the ground? My goal is herbs, tomatoes and window boxes.

okay bye.


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9 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. tessa April 8, 2016 at 9:11 am #
    i thought i was the only one who had weird stomach/digestion/waves happening post-baby!
  2. Laura @ Raise Your Garden April 8, 2016 at 9:46 am #
    Ok, I'm just dying right now after your uterus comment! So true. Your belly just ain't the same after birth. I remember after my 2nd child, when I was 7 months prego, my OB-GYN telling me, well " you look 10 months pregnant" And can you guess, my OB is a man? It's like buddy, you give birth.
  3. Jennifer C. April 8, 2016 at 10:18 am #
    When Harry Met Sally and Oklahoma!
    • Jordan April 9, 2016 at 5:04 pm #
      Surrey with the fringe on top! Oh, the karaoke machine!
  4. sharana @ Living The Sweet Life Blog April 8, 2016 at 12:35 pm #
    Ummm sooo ... your digestion story is legit making me pee my pants, i'm expecting in August and already when this kid moves around I'm like duuude - that's weird... now, you're telling me it gets weirder - oh the joys!!
  5. Laurie April 8, 2016 at 1:56 pm #
    I was reading an article a few years ago and it said that Baskin Robbins ice cream had over 60 ingredients in it! I can't even think of what they could be. That made the decision to never eat it again, very easy. I am making Black and White salmon tonight. Salmon crusted with white sesame seeds on half and black on the other.
  6. Melinda April 8, 2016 at 10:23 pm #
    Don't get the spray tan. We love you far too much to see you cover yourself in awful chemicals. If they don't like your skin tone it's their problem. Rock what you've got. Please?
  7. Tina April 9, 2016 at 8:01 am #
    My first ever real job as a teenager (babysitting was a whole different type of job) was working at a Baskin-Robbins. I sort of loved it and sort of hated it. The late nights were tough because I was a morning person. But the free tastes of Everything!! That was pretty marvelous especially with my teenage metabolism - oh, how I miss those little taster spoons. Nowadays, I hold out for gelato! Your skin is healthy and beautiful - just enjoy it as it is. Model contentment and maybe it will develop! Maybe?
  8. Steph April 11, 2016 at 10:27 am #
    I'm making your Caesar salad recipe. Basically my cute rifle paper co recipe box is full of your recipes and when I die my children will think they were mine. I hope you're ok with that.

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