Friday Flotsam

friday. Just kidding! FRIDAYYYYYYY. Just kidding! friday.

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks


You will NOT believe the news I’m about to share. Colossal. Herculean. Massive. Titanic:::

I FIGURED OUT THE SNAPCHATS. Finally! I’m totally on board, semi-understand it, and already in-over-my-head-obsessed. It’s a lot of swiping, you guys. And hi, why is the camera always facing ME when I pull up the app? Not cute, Snapchat. Not cute.

But yes! With the nudge from a text group with my hometown gals, and a little trial and error, I finally got it! Sort of. I can’t figure out how to make better fonts than just the little black bar in the middle. This will take a bit of practice. HONE MY SNAPCHAT CRAFT, if you will. As if I need one more thing in my life, but for some reason I want to make this snapping relationship work.

So yes! I’m bevcooks on it. (der) I think you can also find me as Bev Weidner. I don’t know. Something. I think I’ll mostly post voice impersonations for you to guess. Ha! Even though you can’t comment on videos. You can tweet me or something? Is that the way it works? Or just chat me within the app! You can do that, I think. Right?

Which brings me to the saddest news of all time . . .

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

I can’t impersonate Elaine Benes. And it’s DRIVING ME CRAZY. I can’t nail her voice! My voice timbre isn’t quite as nasally as hers, and it’s taking my devastation beyond rational levels. I can impersonate her voice melodies, for sure. How she gets super panicked and goes up at the end of sentence, “JERRRYYYYYYYY.” I can kind of do it, but I’m missing the OOMPH of her voice quality. How can I live with myself, I know.

Also, is it weird that I find Jerry Seinfeld to be hilariously sexy? He always has this look in his eye that slays me. Of course his humor and personality make up for most of it, but he’s mysteriously attractive, too! Don’t you think?! Come on, that mullet and those white tennis shoes? Ugh, I need to take a day off.

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

So the other day I bought a new fly swatter. And I’m telling you, not a single person on this earth has a cooler fly swatter than me. Besides the other people that bought that exact same kind. And maybe Oprah.

It’s so sleek! The handle is a long, thick, bent wire, and the swatter part is this black plastic mesh with a simple, cool design. And then the outside of the mesh is light brown, canvas border with thick, white zigzag stitching. It’s amazing! I can’t wait to kill something.

I am going to be one stylish murderer, you guys.

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

I have a rather burdening question for you all. It’s hard for me to ask, because I don’t want to make any of you uncomfortable. It’s just . . . something I’ve been wondering for so long, but have finally gathered enough courage to come forth about:

How do you make your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?

Do you layer the pb on one slice of bread, and the j on the other? Do you use the same knife for both condiment jars? Do you TAINT the knife? Do you slather the pb on one slice of bread, and then slather the j right on top of the pb? Do you MIX the two together before spreading on one single slice of bread, topping with the remaining slice of bread? Do you mix the two together and then evenly divide the mix on two slices of bread, pressing them together in the end? I know this is a lot of take in. You may have a moment.

I’m a mixer myself. Only because our babysitter in the early ’80s named Mrs. Powell mixed the pb and j together. And she lived in this tiny white house on the top of a giant hill in Hot Springs, Arkansas, and it smelled like fresh laundry all the time, and she had all these little piles of things everywhere, yet it was always clean, and I like run-on sentences.

How can I not mix the two together, coming from a legacy like that!

Anyway, that’s all. Sorry. Thank you. Sorry.

Friday Flotsam / Bev Cooks

Weekend planzzz? Besides cursing me for using three z’s just now? I think we’re doing regular stuff! Farmer’s market, our backyard kiddie pool, a carafe of rosé, SNAPCHATTING like balls. You know.

Oh, Aaron’s loading up his shop again! BOWLS, you guys. (food props) (hi) (yes) (dead) (bye)

It’s possible I’ve had a little too much coffee.

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15 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. TheOtherJennifer August 14, 2015 at 10:13 am #
    PB&J on the same knife, on the same slice o' bread, then I lick the knife.
  2. Kyle August 14, 2015 at 10:23 am #
    Peanut Butter first on one slice of bread, then clean off the knife on the other slice of bread before using it to get the jelly too. PB on one slice, Jelly on the other, then press together. I still have the same issues with SnapChat. The UI just sucks.
    • Sarah Werner August 14, 2015 at 12:15 pm #
      I do the same thing for our PB&J's.
  3. Kiley August 14, 2015 at 10:34 am #
    Peanut butter on one side, jam (always jam or preserves, weird about jelly) on the other, totally taint the knife so i can lick it afterwards.
  4. Natalie August 14, 2015 at 10:40 am #
    Peanut butter on each slice of bread and jelly in the middle!! That way the bread doesn't get all gooey by the time you get to lunch (thanks mom!). Please give a brand name and where to purchase for this fly swatter. I have flies in my entryway only between the hours of 2 and 4. It's the weirdest thing! It's like they have a "flies anonymous" club (except it's blatantly obvious who is a fly) and they just buzz around my entryway waiting for me to forget they're there and open my door so they can come in! Then they buzz all around my house just ruining my life. Dramatic enough for you? Fly swatter to the gods brand please?!
    • Bev Weidner August 14, 2015 at 2:34 pm #
      It's a Willert! Here's the google image. :)
  5. Shanna August 14, 2015 at 11:31 am #
    Growing up in Arkansas myself, we always had it mixed, and it had to be grape jelly. I still love it that way, but it doesn't taste as good as it did back then :(
  6. Emily NWAr August 14, 2015 at 12:10 pm #
    Totally mix the two! That's how my daycare used to do it in Texas and I just can't eat it any other way : )
  7. Sarah Werner August 14, 2015 at 12:15 pm #
    Hahaha! You gave me the best laughs with my morning coffee! Yay for trying out the whole SnapChat thing, my 13 yr old daughter is still helping me, why do they have to make these things so dang confusing?! I refuse to be the lame mom who couldn't figure it out so I am with you, we WILL get this! Have a great weekend Bev!
  8. Rachel August 14, 2015 at 4:20 pm #
    Can someone please explain the process of mixing the two? I just can't quite wrap my mind around it. Where does the mixing take place? In one of the pb or j jars? In a bowl? This is groundbreaking stuff.
    • Bev Weidner August 15, 2015 at 7:40 am #
      Yep! You just put a Tbs. of each in a little cup and mix mix! Spread spread. Inhale inhale. The end.
  9. Jillian @ Yoga Pants Kitchen August 16, 2015 at 10:09 am #
    I am SO glad you've got the snapchat - I have been laughing all dayyyy! Jillian
  10. Julie August 19, 2015 at 11:40 am #
    I take pb&j in my lunch almost every day. I put the jelly on the 1st slice then wipe the knife on the other slice then put the pb on that slice & put the pb slice on top of the jelly slice & lick the knife! I'm very intrigued by the commenter above who puts pb on both slices then the jelly in the middle... that sounds ingenious on so many levels (not the least of which is more pb!!!). Oh, & I've always thought Jerry Seinfeld is HOT! Funny is sexy!
  11. Julie August 19, 2015 at 8:00 pm #
    I can't stop singing "we're going to the farmer's market bupiddy do bupiddy do!" My toddlers think it's the funniest thing and my husband is ready to kill me. Poor guy...I don't see myself being able to stop singing it anytime soon!

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