Because I Can’t Instagram Everything

I’m kind of behind on cooking, so we’re looking at babies today. Zat kewel weeyeth yew?

Don’t tell anyone I just said “behind on cooking.”

1) So this is their new real estate business card photo. What do you think? She was all, “Ya know, I really like my elbow on his shoulder. It says ‘we mean business but we’re also cool and casual.'”

Then Will said, “I just pooped my pants again.”


2) Each day we strive to expand the depths of our noggin’ knowledge by studying our lessons. (you know babies are pretty dumb) Boy do we have some major mileage to cover. Yellow socks that hang from trees and sing to the purple puppy in the meadow. Seven purple puppies to be exact. Would you like to count them with me?

. . . me neither.

This is the way our lessons tend to go.

Super interested. Super interested. Kind of interested. Can’t stop the sliding. Why can’t I hold my body up. Why don’t my muscles hold me up. Why am I leaning. Why is my face in your lap. Aaaaaaaaand man down.

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3) “Pfff! Get a load of this, Natalie. Mom, tell her what you were telling me about that soft spot thingy.”

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“Waitwaitwait. It’s on our HEADS? As in, little squishy pits of brain (gag gag gag) where our SKULL (gag) GAPES OPEN?”

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“That sh*t ain’t riiiiight.”

(and we didn’t even touch on their double chin issue, you guys.)

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4) So we took the babies on their very first trip to the gardening center last weekend. It was super cute until a bumble bee started flying around me (with Natalie Bjorned to my chest like a baby sweater vest) and I started flailing around, screaming, nearly knocking over four buckets of tulips. They should know better than to have a gardening center outdoors! With all those dangerous bees. Blasted demon bumble bees.

We let the babies smell all the herbs (me sticking them up their noses) and the vibrant tomato plant leaves (me shoving their heads into the plants), so I’m hoping they’ll grow up with an instinctual love for gardening and getting in the soil!

Oh you’d rather me not say soil? SOIL SOIL SOIL.


5) I don’t really have anything to say about these next photos except they make me want to stick the babies back in my uterus and give birth to them again. Minus the whole sawing my stomach open thing.


6) Did I mention Natalie is actually a Cabbage Patch Kid?

Look at that face! Those rolls. I mean arms. Those little leggies.

However, pay no attention to the giant centipede thing behind her on the floor. Or the binoculars. We like to bird watch. That’s all we watch. Just birds. No neighbor spying. Most of the time. Some of the time. All of th- I told you about the ostrich dragon that was in our yard, right?

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7) This was Easter Sunday! We took them to church, but apparently I didn’t do a good job at dressing Natalie like a girl because two ladies thought she was a boy. So she wasn’t in a dress! So what. She’s clearly filled to the brim with pure daintiness with darling baby owls on her feet and lace at her neckline and ruffles on her little gray tights. Now I’m pissed again.

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8) I’m thinking about blowing this next photo up and hanging it on our bedroom ceiling.

If that’s not the definition of terrifying then I don’t know what is.

Also, how are they becoming actual little people? Nibbalicious little faces with distinct features and personality and sass? WAAAAAAH.

Aaron looks like he should be playing the alto sax or something.

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The end.

As always, you can follow the daily embarrassment on Instagram and Facebook. Just tell your husband to go in the other room.

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38 Responses to Because I Can’t Instagram Everything

  1. Julie @ Table for Two May 1, 2014 at 8:40 am #
    Ahhhhh I wish these posts were like every freaking day. I love your babies (and you!) - Natalie has gotten so chubby, I love her CHEEKS!!! And ROLLS for daysssss! I wish we lived near each other..I want to snuggle them!
  2. nicole @ I am a Honey Bee May 1, 2014 at 8:44 am #
    Love this. It really is amazing how much they grow and how quick it all is. I get all weirdly excited/happy/angry/sad looking at my daughter's pics from when she was born in November. FOR THE LOVE, STOP GROWING SO QUICKLY! Your kids are just too adorable.
  3. Rachel Cooks May 1, 2014 at 8:47 am #
    I'm with Julie, can you do this every day? You are kicking butt at being a mom and I could look at photos of your babies all day! They are just the cutest! (after mine, of course.) Who needs food when you have babies?
  4. Marissa May 1, 2014 at 9:01 am #
    I love showing my husband your photos on instagram. Im like, "Honey, look at the foodie twin blogger pic of the day...." Guess what...he laughs at the pics too! I have a 4 month daughter and I secretly wish we lived in the same neighborhood so she can have a guest cameo in one of your photos..haha.
  5. Ashley May 1, 2014 at 9:22 am #
    I'm not obsessed with your babies at all. Not at all.
  6. edlyn May 1, 2014 at 9:24 am #
    This is my favourite! I love making non-talking things talk in captions and you are so ace at it! I declare you my mentor.
  7. Patrice May 1, 2014 at 9:29 am #
    I love seeing your babies in my Instagram newsfeed, I like every single picture. I love your posts, so funny and witty. Your babies are adorable! They are getting chubby and it's just so cute!
  8. Paula - bell'alimento May 1, 2014 at 9:36 am #
    Aw the cuteness!!!
  9. Brian @ A Thought For Food May 1, 2014 at 9:47 am #
    Is soil one of those words people don't like? What about "moist soil"? What if we throw "panties" in there? Ok. I'm done. Oh, and those two are adorable. Well, your whole family is adorable.
  10. Jen A May 1, 2014 at 10:10 am #
    My poor bald baby girl gets called a boy regardless of how much pink she has on. Good grief, it's not like I'm trimming her hair off like I obviously would if she was a boy. Which she is not, nor would I trim his hair is she was a him lol.
  11. Erin May 1, 2014 at 10:23 am #
    They are just too darn adorable!! Love this post!
  12. Theresa May 1, 2014 at 10:28 am #
    Thank you, Bev, for bringing back twins will be 17 this fall. You're in for years of entertainment! I won't even mention "drivers' license" or "dating," that might require several bottles of wine/beer/(pick your poison...koolaid?) to calm the brainmeats. :)
  13. Amy @Very Culinary May 1, 2014 at 10:57 am #
    I love that you had twins. It's twice as funny. Literally.
  14. Cassie May 1, 2014 at 11:25 am #
    I'm dying. These are the cutest kids EVER.
  15. Emily @ Life on Food May 1, 2014 at 11:31 am #
    You have the most adorable babies. My husband is so scared that we will have twins. I use your pictures to show how cute two babies can be together.
  16. Julie May 1, 2014 at 11:58 am #
    Cutest "leetle peeple" ever!
  17. Kate May 1, 2014 at 1:01 pm #
    Ahhhhh!!! Too ridiculously cute. I can't stop laughing about the falling-over montage. It's hilarious when my bebe does it but TWO of them doing it at once? I can't.
  18. Erin L May 1, 2014 at 1:03 pm #
    Oh my GAWD, your Babies!!!! So damn cute!! (Yes, I know that neither of those are sentences...) We have a 9 week old son & my husband is so freaked out by his soft spot that he refuses to change the baby's shirts for fear he'll touch it & puncture his brain. Yeah, that's what I'm dealing with over here... ;)
  19. Norma | Allspice and Nutmeg May 1, 2014 at 3:14 pm #
    I'm laughing out loud here. Adorable!
  20. Rachel @thedessertchronicles May 1, 2014 at 4:12 pm #
    They could not be any cuter! Seriously! Your posts absolutely make my day every time! Never stop.
  21. Amanda May 1, 2014 at 4:23 pm #
    The cutest! Love the expressions :)
  22. Meredith May 1, 2014 at 4:30 pm #
    Totally adorable!
  23. Jessica @ stuck on sweet May 1, 2014 at 4:41 pm #
    Adooooorable! can't get over their hilarious faces - too precious!
  24. Amy May 1, 2014 at 5:33 pm #
    So gorgeous!!!! The other half is seriously starting to get worried about the cooing noises I make over the photos of these two! He keeps reminding me that we still haven't moved into our house yet, or you know, become grown ups...but do we even need to be grown up. If it hasn't happened by 27 I don't see it happening at all... Keep sharing these ovary weep inducing photos :)
  25. Heather Christo May 1, 2014 at 7:05 pm #
    You and those babies bring me SO MUCH JOY every single day. thank you for letting us follow along in the lives of those beautiful children. Plus, my husband like the captions :)
  26. Liz @ The Lemon Bowl May 1, 2014 at 8:53 pm #
    What do you mean you're behind on the cooking? I WANT TO EAT YOUR CHILDREN! I've never seen a more delicious site!!
  27. Kristen May 2, 2014 at 6:26 am #
    I love them. I can't get over how born to be a mom you it!
  28. Jackie {The Beeroness} May 2, 2014 at 11:01 am #
    First, there needs to be a job of Professional Instagram Photo Titler, because you'd make billions. Second, there is nothing more adorable than a man with a baby in a front carrier.
  29. Denise | Sweet Peas & Saffron May 2, 2014 at 11:09 am #
    Aaahh the soft spot freaks me out so much! And it pulsates! I can't remember who said this but 'if you're going to put a self-destruct button on a baby, why on earth would you put it there?' Adorable bebes :)
  30. DessertForTwo May 2, 2014 at 2:50 pm #
    I'MMA NEED WEEKLY UPDATES JUST LIKE THIS, MMK? I love the things that came out of your uterus! Was that weird for you? Nah?
  31. Tracey @ Cooking with Love May 3, 2014 at 7:50 am #
    Precious, Precious, Precious!!!!! That's all I have to say! :-)
  32. Gina May 5, 2014 at 11:36 am #
    I LOVE, love, love your babies. They're gorgeous and you are just the most hilarious mum I've known. Never change and never stop sharing all this preciousness with us (please!)
  33. Jenny Flake May 5, 2014 at 1:13 pm #
    Oh Bev, your page is a breath of fresh baby air :) Love seeing those precious faces. Your family is just the cutest ever. xoxo
  34. Jamie May 5, 2014 at 1:36 pm #
    Will looks like you and Natalie looks like Aaron in that last photo (which is totally worth posting on the bedroom ceiling except if I were you (because I wouldn't be posting it on my bedroom ceiling) I would have to be REALLY careful it didn't lead to more babies (unless of course you want more babies)). = )
  35. Erica May 5, 2014 at 6:25 pm #
    It's so true! Their personalities are so beginning to shine through in their faces and expressions. I totally have to stop oversharing how adorable they are with the men in my life...oof, but they are so irresistable!!
  36. Jennie @themessybakerblog May 7, 2014 at 8:08 am #
    Cute little double chins, fat little legs, and "Say what?" faces are too much. They are adorable.


  1. Fascinating Friday Links #34 | Daily Moves and Grooves - May 2, 2014 […] captions and her babies=life] Because I Can’t Instagram Everything via Bev […]
  2. Really really good polenta lasagna | life needs edits - December 9, 2014 […] recipe is from Bev — do you read her blog? She’s hilarious and has the cutest babies of all time. Anyway, the other day she posted a recipe for a polenta casserole that blew our […]

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