Easy Homemade Pizza Rolls

Total cop-out post . . . or brilliance. I’ll let you decide. But if it’s cop-out, don’t tell me, coo?

I don’t know what it is lately, if I’m subconsciously preppin’ for the after-school snacks era, or if my little leeches love pizza and tortillas and cheese just as much as I do, but you GUYZ. There ain’t no stop button on these.

Do you want to punch me for using a z just now?

I woke up from one of my precious (<—-ew) afternoon naps the other day with a flood of drool on my pillow and hot, crispy pizza rolls on the brain. STARVING. FAMISHED. WITHERING AWAY.

But I’m not dramatic about it or anything.

When I was a little, we used to eat those frozen pizza rolls, ya know? The ones in the bag, ya know? The ones you either toasted or microwaved, ya know? The ones filled with chemicals and acid and turpentine and were so yummy you thought about them ALL DAY LONG and couldn’t WAIT to get home and eat 47 billion and watch the Brady Bunch and then spend 30 minutes BUT NOT A SECOND MORE playing Nintendo before starting your homework? Ya know?

I mean sure, these are white flour tortillas with a bunch of melty cheese in them (holla), but I’d like to believe they’re a few notches better for us than those awesome turpentine rolls.

I had a bunch of low-fat string cheese left over from my early pregnato days, which are diddly dang PUUUFECT for slicing up and stickin’ in these here rollies.

Do you want to paper cut me for saying rollies just now?

Use your favorite homemade or jarred pizza sauce, grab some simple or fancy or anything in between cheese, sprinkle with dried herbs, roll up some white, whole wheat, gluten-free WHAT HAVE YOU tortillas and toast up some freaking pizza rolls, duders.

I miss the Brady Bunch.

Easy Homemade Pizza Rolls:

What it took for 12 rolls:

* 2 large tortillas
* 1/2 cup (about) favorite pizza sauce
* string cheese (sliced), cheddar slices, whatever you dig
* dried thyme (a pinch or two)

Using a pizza cutter, slice the tortillas into even strips. Evenly and lightly spread some pizza sauce along each strip. Top with cheese of choice and sprinkle with thyme. Roll up into little . . . well, rolls.

Pop in the toaster oven seam-side down for about 5 minutes. Maybe 7. Just keep an eye on them until they’re browned on top and crispy, and the cheese is melted and oozing out and singing “Love is a Many-Splendored Thing” to you.

Serve immediately!

options: pesto with tiny chicken chunks, any leftover sauce you have in the fridge like alfredo or creamy tomato, thinly sliced ham, whole wheat tortillas, gluten-free tortillas, fresh herbs, go CRAY.

Do you want to body slam me for saying cray just now?