Archive | Friday Flotsam

Friday Flotsam

daisies

FFFFFFFFFFFFFeebers. Feebay. Freeders. Friday. Friyay? Looking at these daisies I’m like, HUNNERT PERCEYENT plantin’ a giant daisy patch next spring. You know how when someone sniffs a carton or tub of food, you can’t eat it after that? (changing subjects pretty fast here) Like, you could buy cottage cheese that morning, fresh from the market, […]

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Friday Flotsam

foggy window

FF ff would you believe my f key is STUCK? FFF like stuck. I actually just popped it out! The f key just came o my keyboard. OFF my keyboard. What do I do?! It’s bright under there. Like a little glowy alternate universe with tiny men in silver jumpsuits and gray hair and wait […]

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Friday Flotsam

ginkgo tree

FRRRRRRRRRRRRR! You’re like, “She didn’t even finish that non word.” Guys lately I can’t tell the difference between mosquitoes and eye floaters. And I look insane in public. You know what I mean, those little eye floater thingies? It’s that tiny traveling speck of fuzz that you THINK you see and you try to focus […]

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Friday Flotsam

echinacea for days

FRRRRRRRguesswhat. It’s my birthday! You’re like, “Well crap, now I’m obligated to read the rest of this post.” DANCE, PUPPETS, DANCE. But you’ll like this. The other day the kids were (sort of) decorating these shoe boxes that they’re taking to school today that will act as their “Reading Treasure Boxes” for the rest of […]

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Friday Flotsam

backyard morning

FAAAAAAAARAAAAAADAAAAAAAAH. I need help! You’re like, “how about let me wake up first.” You know I’m a Kindergarten mom newbie. A mewbie. A mombie. Nope. Give me some snack ideas to send with the kids to school everyday! I know you vet moms are LOCKED AND LOADED with tricks and you better spill it. They’re […]

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Friday Flotsam

moody flowers

FREEBIE FROOBIE FRIBAY. . . . day. I meant day. What’s the deal with the purple shirt on the lady woman emoji? Why purple? No one likes purple. Unless it’s a lavender shade, but it’s not. It’s a bright b-hole purple. And it’s supposed to represent human fashion choices?! Think again, Chachi. Why can’t we […]

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Friday Flotsam

rustic pretty

Frrrrroopy droopy doopy doo. (doo) Guys I have the most humiliating story in the entire world to tell you. You’re going to disown me. I would disown me, too. I already did. So last week, my girl Ashlee slides into my dm (just kidding) sends me a message via Facebook messenger. It’s sort of late […]

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Friday Flotsam

farmer's market strawberries

FRRRRRRRAH! duh. How are you with honking? I don’t mean like, what does it look like when your hand lays on the horn. More like, do you honk? Is honking something you’re into? Are you a breezy honker? (“You can’t say you’re breezy! It negates the breezy!”) I can’t honk. I can’t do it. Even […]

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Friday Flotsam

odd but beautiful plants

FFFFFFFFFRSAMDAYIDFLRFF. (<—miss me? don’t answer that.) Does anyone actually know what a sump pump looks like? No. No one does. Not even the men or women that install them. No one knows what a sump pump looks like. I don’t know what a sump pump looks like. It dawned on me the other day that […]

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Friday Flotsam

roses and gremlins

FLIBBERS FLOOBERS FRIDDERS DAY. My nose always itches when I run the kitchen sink water. Isn’t that weird? Always. I’ll be gearing up to tackle the dishes, completely fine, itch free, and then I flip the water on, and as soon as the water + soap touches my hands and begins to lather, my nose […]

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