Friday Flotsam

Friiiieeeeeedayyyyyeeeeeeee!.!.!!!…!

Toddler spraying mom's legs

O M G. I have the craziest dream to tell you all about! It’s about Justin Bieber. And I’m not even a Justin Bieber person. Perhaps my subconscious is? Ew.

Anyway, I had the dream earlier this week, but I wrote it all down the SECOND I woke up, so I could relay it to you! Don’t you feel so lucky? (you can maybe keep that answer silent)

So.

I was dating Justin Bieber. But not the brooding blond, hot prison version of today. He was a slightly younger, but not swoopy-bangs, heart-hands younger! However, he still had brown hair. And he lived with his mom and younger brother, in a totally regular house, barely outside of a small town. It kind of looked like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, actually. The kitchen wasn’t even updated, you guys.

Also! The mom kept bowls of cereal with milk in them in a cabinet, so that breakfast was a cinch. How they didn’t get disgustingly soggy, I have no idea. That woman is a genius.

For the first few days our dating life was awesome. People sort of knew we were together. It was the buzz, and I was obviously so excited to be dating Justin Bieber. And theeeen one day I had this feeling that he was dating this other stupid lame girl, Chasity. But Chasity and I were kind of friends. Not CLOSE close, but friendly. I decided that I would get my good friend Ashlee to drive me to Justin Bieber’s house to ask if he was going to date HER OR ME. (with a hand fist in the air right at the end.) When I got to Justin Bieber’s house, he was outside playing with this enormous dog. But the dog looked like a giant turd, and not a dog. Like, I thought Justin Bieber was rolling around in a pile of poo. So I walked closer and was all, “Ohhh, that is a dog, and not a stack of turd. Good.”

So then,  I asked Justin Bieber if he was dating Candace, and he got super quiet and nervous. I was like, “UNIBROW CHASITY, JUSTIN BIEBER? REALLY? Look, Justin Bieber. It’s totally okay. You’re like, 12 and I’m 80. I’m not about to get in a serious relationship with you. You don’t have to worry about me showing up unannounced all the time and eating your cabinet cereal. This is a light, no bigs thing, okay?” He just stared off at a haystack in the distance. He was also really sweaty. I remember liking that. Sick.

Then he stubbed his foot on something, and Ashlee was antsy to go, so we left him to deal with his swollen, stubbed foot. As I got in the car, I looked at him and he gave me this, “Serenity now!” expression, with his hands in the air. And we drove away.

I guess he was dating Chasity after all.

I waved goodbye to the turd dog. Forever.

The end.

. . . wait, did you x out?

String of Pearls hanging plant

One of my favorite things to do in life is to track something.

Specifically a package, or a storm.

And I get super announce-y with it, too, like, “Don’t worry, guys! I’m going to TRACK THE STORM.”

“Hold on, everyone- I’m going to TRACK THE PACKAGE.”

No one responds.

And it’s almost more satisfying to track the storm and/or package, than it is to actually receive the storm and/or package. It’s like, “Yay, it’s here!” OMG NOW WHAT. What am I supposed to do with my life now that it’s raining and I HAVE this culotte romper (<–true story), and I’m not tracking the status. Quick, order something else!

I have three packages “in transit” and I could not be more fulfilled in my life.

Summer Life

Let’s play a round oooooof:  NAME THAT RANDOM MOVIE BEV CAN’T GET OUT OF HER HEAD.

  1. “We’re going to eat gas.”
  2. “Well, yessss, but – SEVEN?!”
  3. “Let us preserve us this moment in pictures.”
  4. “I’m all alone. We’re rolling a big doughnut, and this snake wearing a vest.”
  5. “It’s time for a tumble with the bundle.”

(please don’t delete me from your life)

Boy in a weird thing

BOOKS.

Okay, I was at a happy hour last night with a gurlfran, and she told me about this author – Kristin Hannah. Do you know her? Sally (my friend) went on and on and on, basically crying all over herself, describing her books. Have you read any of them? Winter Garden, specifically? I swear, TODAY I’m going to charge my Kindle, trim my eyebrows, and get.back.into.reading.

(I have my clinched fist in the air again, you guys.)

Ugh, I’ve been giving all of my eye time to Jessica Fletcher, Dr. Mindy Lahiri, and Abbi and Ilana from Broad City. (<–which, by the way, if you’re not watching that show you’re not living life the way you should be.)

But I need moreeeeeaaaaaah. TV is definitely a true love for me, but I feel more satisfied when I READ.

(or track a package and/or a storm. you know.)

I’m taking books recs if you have ’em!

Is Winter Garden good? I’m already so excited.

Wait, does Justin Bieber have any books out?!

I’m just kidding.

Girl happy at the pool

Weekend plans?

We’re mostly chilling. AND TRACKING MY THREE PACKAGES. And reading! And mowing. And running. And swimming. And grilling. And meal planning. And doing summer.

Okay so, have things changed between us since I said the words “culotte romper?”

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32 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Simone June 10, 2016 at 7:45 am #
    I recently read "The Time Between" by Karen White and loved it. Not a mystery, just a really good story. I'm currently reading "After You" by JoJo Moyes (sequel to "Me Before You" <-- read only if you're prepared to cry your entire life).
  2. lisatberry June 10, 2016 at 8:14 am #
    What kind of plant is that in the picture above where they look like little unripe tomatoes? I love it.
    • Bev Weidner June 10, 2016 at 8:46 am #
      It's called Strand of Pearls! Or string of pearls? One of the two. They'll be in the indoor section at your nursery!
  3. Lindsay June 10, 2016 at 8:19 am #
    Reality Bites. One of my most favorite of all favoritity movies ever. "You, me, five bucks." is me and my besties quote. We even each put it our respective senior quotes. Is that even a thing anymore? I'M SO OLD. BRB, going to illegally download it, cause I live in Korea and I can. And maybe Melrose Place. Cause it's a really good show.
    • Bev Weidner June 10, 2016 at 2:23 pm #
      I loved every single thing about this comment. :)
      • Lindsay June 12, 2016 at 4:16 am #
        ? Love ya, strangerfriend!
  4. Liz June 10, 2016 at 8:36 am #
    @LisaBerry I liked it also. If you click on Bev's photos, they come up in Lightbox with a caption: String of Pearls plant. I'm not even a plant person and I want one! I am a tracker, though: storms and packages and do you have UPS My Choice Bev? NOW, you can watch the truck with your package on a map. Well, only Next Day Air, but this is only the beginning! NOAA Radar AND a NOAA weather radio here - alerts on my phone, alerts on the radio and eyes on the radar. Books - I am just rereading some Rosamunde Pilcher: The Shell Seekers and Coming Home are my favorite. I read The Shell Seekers in '87 ish when I was 32 ish and now reading it at 60. Interesting as it is a family saga, female main character life story. Coming Home is shorter time span but the WWII years in Great Britain. I am somewhat hooked on that time period. Dorothy Sayers Harriet Vane/Lord Peter Wimsey especially Gaudy Night and Busman's Honeymoon. The series is continued by Jill Paton Walsh - first is Thrones, Dominations. I am not a tv/movie person - read a lot via Kindle app on my phone.
  5. Tina June 10, 2016 at 10:02 am #
    Bev you are so, so funny! Thanks for the Friday chuckle !! is it a Trifecta if you are tracking a book package as the storm rolls over your house while wearing a culotte romper?
  6. Jennifer Jones June 10, 2016 at 10:06 am #
    I love the Domino's Pizza tracker. Does that count?
    • Tif June 10, 2016 at 10:24 am #
      Endorsed, Jennifer Jones.
  7. Tif June 10, 2016 at 10:23 am #
    Reading The Nest. It's gooood. But also "Book of the Summer!" so I feel pressure.to.love.it. The Winter Garden description on Goodreads sounds very....dramatic. "The secret will shake them to their core and change their lives fooor-eevvv-errr (<--- name that movie!) I'm trying to get into Rosamunde Pilcher but get intimidated by the size of the books. And the covers are terrible, but remember that great old saying about books and covers? We shall see. We need a pic of the culotte romper, please.
  8. Brooke June 10, 2016 at 10:27 am #
    I have a deep and abiding affection for Jessica Fletcher. I have been mocked my entire life (no joke) for my love of Murder, She Wrote (and Perry Mason, Charlie Chan, Kojak, and on and on). Anyway, did you know that there are MURDER, SHE WROTE BOOKS too? They are delightful, of course. Written by Jessica Fletcher & Donald Bain. I could give you about a zillion other books recommendations, but for the sake of brevity, I'll say that Stephen King has never let me down, not once. If you haven't explored that incredible talent, do yourself a favor and start now. May I ask where the basket style hanging planter is from?
    • Bev Weidner June 10, 2016 at 2:23 pm #
      Ooooo I'll look into your suggestions! I had NO IDEA the M,SW were books, too. Omg. The brass hanging planter is Urban Outfitters (online)!
  9. Caitlin June 10, 2016 at 12:02 pm #
    I cannot stop recommending "The Royal We" by Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan! It's super long, but I was so engrossed I read it in about a week and a half. And like, stayed up til 3 am one night because I just had to finish. It's a deliciously fun read, and the authors do such a great job of wrapping you up in the story. I totally want to read it again.
  10. Michelle June 10, 2016 at 12:09 pm #
    I haven't read Winter Garden, but I read Firefly Lane (meh) and The Nightingale by Kristen Hannah. THE NIGHTINGALE IS LIFE CHANGING. You will bathe in your own tears, but in a good way.
  11. Terri Morris June 10, 2016 at 1:04 pm #
    Your dreams are so wacky fun! Cute swim suit!! I am so smitten these days with stripes, it's a little out of control. Where did you find it? Enjoy the weekend, sounds like the perfect combo :-)
    • Bev Weidner June 10, 2016 at 2:22 pm #
      Why thanks! I actually found the suit at TJ Maxx, believe it or not!
  12. Joni June 10, 2016 at 1:21 pm #
    Any book by Neil Gaiman will intrigue and delight, guaranteed. And, yes, I must see this fabled romper.
  13. Laura Lee June 10, 2016 at 2:29 pm #
    I have to say the culotte romper os probably the most disturbing part of that whole post.
    • Bev Weidner June 10, 2016 at 2:42 pm #
      Hahaha! It's CUTE, I swear. Fitted, dark denim. Does that help? :)
  14. Rachel June 10, 2016 at 2:41 pm #
    LOVE all books by Kristin Hannah. You may get hooked and want to read them all. Most do make me cry though...
  15. Heather Buzby June 10, 2016 at 3:22 pm #
    I have to see this culotte romper (culotte is the weirdest word!), pic/snap please! Love love love Broad City! Have a great weekend!
    • Bev Weidner June 11, 2016 at 7:05 am #
      I'll definitely snap it once it arrives next week! I'm TRACKING MY PACKAGE.
  16. Nicole June 11, 2016 at 10:43 am #
    What brand name is the striped one piece. I'm looking for one and having no luck. I could use a TJ Maxx fix.
    • Bev Weidner June 11, 2016 at 3:07 pm #
      It's "Bond-Eye Australia" - buuuuuut I'm only seeing it on UK sites, like this: http://www.ebay.ie/itm/New-UK10-BOND-EYE-Nip-Tuck-Australia-Twist-Navy-White-Striped-swimsuit-RRP-100-/272258920611?hash=item3f63e570a3:g:KXoAAOSwubRXJeVY Good luck! Also, it says "navy and white" but in person it's basically black. :)
  17. Carly June 11, 2016 at 11:06 am #
    Really hoping movie quote #2 is the Sound of Music!
  18. Anonymous June 11, 2016 at 2:39 pm #
    I haven't read Winter Garden but I did read The Nightingale by her. Such an amazing book, loved it as well as Me Before You. Perfect for when you want a really well written book that will make you cry your face off. I also loved The Rosie Project. So funny with super quirky characters. Perfect summer read.
  19. Chris June 11, 2016 at 2:42 pm #
    Whoopsie...I'm Chris not Anonymous!
  20. Liz June 12, 2016 at 5:21 pm #
    Kristin Hannah's "The Nightingale" is on Amazon Kindle Prime Daily Deal for 2.99 today (Sun 6/12). Thanks for all who recommended KH and this book - looking forward to it!
  21. Nix June 13, 2016 at 3:44 am #
    Your best dream yet!!!
  22. Jenna June 13, 2016 at 10:08 am #
    I haven't read Winter Garden, but almost every other book of Kristin Hannah's. HIGHLY recommend.
  23. HotTexas June 13, 2016 at 5:29 pm #
    Try The Monkey's Raincoat by Robert Crais. It's the first in a series centered on a smartass L.A. private detective named Elvis Cole and a super hunky former Marine named Joe Pike. Totally fun! Are you feeling as old as I am when I see the commercial where the old Verizon "Can you hear me now?" spokesman is now hawking another provider? Do you get aggravated when the tracking shows that your package has taken a detour to somewhere you wish you were going? Your babes are just growing too fast. It's official--I'm WAY TOO OLD :-)

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