Friday Flotsam

FRRRRRRRRRRRoobydooby. Day? Day.

What are those little things that expand in your mouth and cut through your gums at the dentist when you’re getting x-rays?

They’re like, little plastic cards that slice into your gums while you bite down on them in screeching pain while the machine clicks around your head. Remember those? What are they called?

I was telling Will and Nat last night about how we as kids endured that in the ’80s and ’90s when we had to have our teeth x-rayed. X-raid. X-ray’d.

And you dreaded it so much. You saw those plastic white cards headed to your mouth in slow motion. “Open wiiiiiide” in a gravely monstrous voice. NOOOOOOOOO.

I don’t feel like it’s that way anymore. Is it? We all have dentist appointments at the end of this month to scrape all that TAR-TAR (that’s for you, Sarah) off. And Nat has a top tooth that fell out on Feb 1st an there’s zero sign of anything up there. But many of you told me yesterday that it can take months for the new tooth to grow in. MONTHS! Well forevermore.

What were those plastic card thingies called? Apparently I need a life.

Remember this time last year we were all like, “DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE!” DO NOT TOUCH.YOUR.FACE.”

Ah, memories.

Speaking of Sarah, she asked her Insta followers a question the other day, and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it because it’s (embarrassingly) SO ME.

Botching words. Destroying pronunciations. Murdering intonation. So I’m bringing it here because we’ve all done it. I do it constantly and get ripped on the Internet endlessly.

What are some words you’ve botched in your life?

And like, during a presentation in front of 50 people or something. I have many, but my latest one is jalopy. I was reading a line from The Four Winds to Aaron, and I pronounced it JAL-opy. With the emphasis on jal. And he was like, “It’s ja-LOP-y.” Oh.

Sarah had mispronounced Ouachita to a bunch of co-workers and I FEEL HER PAIN. It’s like Wash-i-taw. I would only know this because I’m from the general area. I think she said Wa-CHEET-ta. HAHAHAHA. I love it.

Okay tell me yours. Worst one. Most embarrassing situation.

(UM, you’d never know this, but I mispronounced a BRAND’S name in a VIDEO last year in Stories. Had to re-record it a few days later, throw the clothes back on, style my hair the same way, hold the bottle the same way. It was crazy. You never caught it, did you? I’m not telling you anything more. ;))

Were you allowed to chew gum in church growing up? It was a HARD no for me and my sister. We’d even try to sneak it, but someone my mom’s lethal eye from the choir could detect a single micro chew and it was over. I could feel the swell of her lids, the flare of her nostrils, the pinch of her lips. “Don’t look her at her. If we don’t make eye contact, it’s okay. We’ll survive this.”

But you look. Of course you look because you’re an idiot and you look to see if your mom noticed the tiny jaw movement. And you try to pull it off with your eyes like, “Oh I was yawning, that wasn’t a chew, ha! I know better.”

AND THEN THE HEAD SHAKE. It’s subtle, but there. The hand comes up to confirm the shake and the finger extends to confirm the raise and the tiny wiggle of the finger confirms your doom. You weren’t getting mac and cheese for lunch.

Anyway, I’m fine.

Weekend plans?

This is the grand CLEAN-OUT-THE-BEDS-RIP-OUT-THE-DEAD weekend. I’m talking about gardening, why are you looking at me like that? The grass is starting its micro-tick back to green (yay!), and with the rain we have next week, I really need to get ahead of it before everything’s wet for a week. I sound like a farmer. I’ll throw on some DUNGAREES later to complete the vibe.

From this week, in case you missed it:::: Your March mixtape. Ohhhh it’s just so good, and I feel like you might need the cheerful but lounge vibes. Get your ears ready. And a very simple Niçoise Pasta Salad! UNBELIEVABLE flavor and texture. Make it this springy weekend.

Also! On Monday, March 8th I’ll be featured in a virtual cooking segment on The Doctors! So set your DVRS and watch me on your Tee Vees.

Are you vaccinated yet?

, ,

23 Responses to Friday Flotsam

  1. Maggie March 5, 2021 at 9:18 am #
    I believe the x-ray things are called "bite wings"!
  2. Kate March 5, 2021 at 9:30 am #
    Mispronounced Tucson in a law school group project. “Tux-son” Oh the shame!
  3. Nicole March 5, 2021 at 9:44 am #
    Ok, here ya go: I was talking to my boss about some duplicate submissions I had received. There’d been a lot. So I was emphasizing my point and saying, “duplicate, duplicate, duplicate, dupli-CLIT”. Silence. Wanted to die. We didn’t acknowledge, but haunts me to this day.
  4. Nancy March 5, 2021 at 9:47 am #
    I know I’ve messed up many words but now that you ask, I can’t think what they were??‍♀️ I was in my best friends wedding many years ago and when my mom went through the receiving line (showing my age because I don’t think people even do receiving lines anymore!), she said did you have to chew gum thru the entire ceremony? Eeek! I didn’t even realize that I had!! My sister and I also got on the Ellen show many years ago and they had all kinds of rules for the audience and one of them was absolutely no gum during the taping. That is all!
    • Amanda March 5, 2021 at 10:16 am #
      My husband pronounced “debris” like it looks one time years and years ago and I’ve never let him live it down ?.
    • Dayna March 5, 2021 at 10:36 am #
      Good morning. Where are those mirrors in your first photo? I am looking for an oval mirror and I am local. Thinking maybe in City Market area ?? Thanks.
      • Bev Weidner March 5, 2021 at 11:01 am #
        Yesss, these are in the bathroom (haha) at the River Market Antique Mall right next to City Market!
  5. Autumn March 5, 2021 at 10:13 am #
    Oh those damn xray bite wings still exists and are still awful! Just had it done last month at my cleaning and was thinking why can't they make these smaller to actually fit in your mouth! I felt like I was going to choke on my tongue. Ugg!!
  6. Heather March 5, 2021 at 10:43 am #
    The word subtle (which you used) gets me all of the time. I know how to say it, but when I look at it and read it, my mind wants to put that “b” in there and sometimes it does ?. Yes, they still have those awful x-Ray bite wings. My sons go back to the dentist soon and one was talking about how he hates those cards they put in your mouth. My other son’s teeth take forever to come through after they’ve fallen out.
  7. Lori March 5, 2021 at 10:47 am #
    Haha, I'm dying about those bite plate things for the X-Rays. I immediately tense up when i see them coming. Still used at my dentist as of 6 months ago lol. Ugh. Unrelated, that pasta salad looks so good and I'm very curious to try the crispy capers!
  8. Angie March 5, 2021 at 11:09 am #
    I once pronounced carotid artery wrong at work - in a hospital. I pronounced it "carrot-id." Humiliating.
    • Bev Weidner March 5, 2021 at 12:16 pm #
      Okay I STILL don't know how to say that word.
  9. Nicole March 5, 2021 at 11:40 am #
    Oy. Once I had to read out loud in class (this was probably middle school?) and the work stoic was pronounced as ‘s-toy-k’......I still think about that once in awhile and feel shamed. Ha!
  10. Sharnee March 5, 2021 at 12:02 pm #
    At lunch with my church group last week, I said, "you'll pay out the arm for that".. I combined pay out the a** and you'll pay an arm and a leg.. um.. everyone chuckled, but I felt like an idiot.. :)
    • Bev Weidner March 5, 2021 at 12:16 pm #
      Hahaha, you've got vaccines on the brain!
  11. Laura Lee March 5, 2021 at 12:44 pm #
    In New Orleans in college my friend and I asked a bus driver how far Calliope St. (like the steamboat musical instrument) was, but unwittingly pronounced it callyope. He corrected us... Also worked for a CEO who consistently pronounced the word generally with an M instead of N. Used to kill me because I didn't feel I could correct my boss.
  12. Susan March 5, 2021 at 1:46 pm #
    They are called film mounts, and they hurt like a son of a #$&!@*% !!! We were not allowed to chew gum in church, but our Nana snuck us each a lifesaver every Sunday, but we had to eat it quietly. If we got a little too loud or antsy, she did this little firm squeeze on each side of our knee. :)
  13. Susan March 5, 2021 at 1:51 pm #
    Try pronouncing carotid like you are saying karate, but with a "tid" instead of a "tay" sound at the end.
  14. Cait March 5, 2021 at 4:00 pm #
    Oh. Oh my. I once said "Where is Jib-ruh-la-tar?" and my mother stopped dead in her tracks and said "....Are you trying to say GIBRALTAR?" The shame. I still feel it. (And no .... I wasn't a child when this happened, either -_- )
  15. Kristin March 5, 2021 at 5:37 pm #
    Seventh grade English. Reading aloud. I kept saying "Pligh" (rhymes with sigh) mouth instead of Plymouth. I was mortified. Why didn't Mrs. Thompson TELL me???
  16. Liz Walter March 5, 2021 at 5:45 pm #
    When I was little I called it a “pint” (rhymes with mint) of ice cream. My mom thought it was cute so she didn’t correct me. Years later I have to stop a beat to think before I say it. Thanks mom ??‍♀️?.
  17. Deb March 6, 2021 at 10:16 am #
    O.K. so I'm already feeling stupid for admitting this, but, years ago I saw a bumper sticker that said "Free Tibet" and I wondered aloud to husband and sons who this Tibbett guy was and why he needed to be free. Groan. We still laugh about it. AND don't even get me started on place names. Tuck-son sure looks like it should be the correct pronunciation for Tucson. And then there's Lima : why in Ohio is it Lye-ma like the bean and Leema in Peru? Versailles, pronounced Ver-sigh in France but Ver-sales in Kentucky. Sigh, and then there's all the Spanish names in California and, oh my, as someone who has studied Spanish and who honestly believes that if Canada is bilingual that the U.S. should also be... well, it's major cringe worthy. I taught in the small town of Benicia- Spanish word (wife to Vallejo) and locally it was pronounced Ben-ish-a when it should be pronounce Beh-knee- see-ah.
  18. Joseph April 9, 2021 at 7:36 am #
    In the modern world, pain accompanies in our lives more and more often. Now there are many alternative ways to deal with the pain. I recommend delta 8 THC for sale, it may help you

Leave a Reply