FRRRRRRROH! DOH! Do you shower in a shower cap? Are shower caps even around still? Are we into shower caps? Because you know how I only wash my hair every other quarter. Well clearly this puts me in the market for a SHOWER.CAP. because my bangs get wet (more like a mix between damp and […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRahduh! Have you ever stripped your laundry? STRIPPED your laundry. That is what I typed just now. Have you ever stripped your laundry? It’s very different from just doing laundry. I had no idea. My friend Sarah stripped her sheets last week in her bathtub and all this grime came out, man. And that’s after […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRRReedoomeeloopeepooreerooneenoo. My toothbrush sounds like Lin-Manuel Miranda in Hamilton. You’re like, “okay I’m getting coffee for this one.” It does! It does, though. It’s an electric toothbrush (is that the word? electric? feels weird.) and sometimes when I’m moving from tooth to tooth it will vibrate in such a way that creates this buzzing sound […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRRimuh! I mean day. Can you hear radio broadcasts in teeth fillings? You know, like when one “feels a storm brewin’” in their knee joints or their shoulder pins. Is it the same? I’m reading All The Light We Cannot See (first of all, I can already tell it’s going to be one of the […]
FRRRRRRRRRRoodyoodyoody! I’ve come to know something about myself lately. And I can’t decide if it’s attitude or age or the general handout of life drama. You tell me. These days, anytime someone says to me, “You know so and so, right?” My immediate response is, “Yes, why, is he dead?” Everyone is immediately dead before […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRay! I mean Fri. And then day. Fray. I think I’d like to get into Gin and Tonics. Is this a bad idea? Do I need to even capitalize that? Hold on, let me look. I do! I think. I will. Anyway, I feel like I should get into them because lately in all my […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRR! ay! id! Have you ever woken from a nightmare about not wearing your mask? I’m not going to say “the struggle is real” because a) I loathe that phrase, and b) I know you feel the same. But MAN, it is a legit thing. I don’t have them often, but once in a while […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRidee. Wanna hear the craziest story? *I* thought it was the craziest story when it happened. And then I told Natalie and I was like, “Wasn’t that the craziest story?” and she said, “Yep.” So that makes it thee craziest story. Want to hear it? Okay, because it’s so crazy. A week ago I hopped […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRoobydooby. Day? Day. What are those little things that expand in your mouth and cut through your gums at the dentist when you’re getting x-rays? They’re like, little plastic cards that slice into your gums while you bite down on them in screeching pain while the machine clicks around your head. Remember those? What are […]
FRRRRRRRRRRRRRaeiouday! The other day Will asked me, “Mom, do ghosts have udders?” and I just feel like that needs to be right here, opening this blog post, for the world to see. Let’s take a moment to appreciate that question. Do ghosts have udders? I didn’t even answer him. I just looked at him, hugged […]
