Portobello Mushrooms with Kale Pesto Guacamole

These here mushroom thingies are the new black.

The new black, along with lots of bright greens, pops of white and earthy browns. So I guess you can erase what I just said. But not really because I wasn’t meaning it literally, even though two sentences ago made it sound like I was. So I guess you don’t have to erase what I just said. I swear, this post is already a complete disaster. Let me start over.

These here mushroom thingies are absolutely, beyond the shadow of a doubt, tow up.

And they were a happy accident too! I’ll tell ya how it all went down.

Video dudes were over a couple of weeks ago, ya know, and they brought some extra food props in case we needed some, ya know. (When I was a teen my mom hated when I said “ya know” five million times per sentence, so this paragraph is going to be my homage to her and her despisal of awesome teen language.) And these mushrooms were a part of that stash, ya know, but we didn’t end up using ’em, ya know, so the next day I sat at my kitchen table with all three of them on a little white tray, and I pet their little caps, asking them, “what shall we do with you little fellas today?” as drool pooled up between my bottom lip and teeth. I’m totally kidding I didn’t pet them! I’m not that much of a dweebo creepster.

(I totally pet them.)

And then it hit me, just like that time you realized that watching Live with Kelly and Michael actually makes you want to punch your own face, I know what I’ll do! I’ll combine all forces of brilliance ever known and…AND….ANDDDDDDD.

This.

I’mon just say it. Kale Pesto + Guacamole  + Delicate Roasted Mushroom Caps = whuuuuuuuutiiiiiiiisthaaaaaat.

I’ll tell you what it is, slice. It’s domination mouthal nation. It’s fist bumpin’ central station. It’s portobello cap ovulation. It’s . . . wait what?

In other words, you have no other choice in life.

Portobello Mushrooms with Kale Pesto Guacamole:

What it took for 3 servings: Meaning 3 caps: Okay bye:

* 3 portobello mushrooms, stems twisted right out and caps lightly rinsed
* 2 cups baby kale leaves
* 1-2 Tbs. pine nuts, lightly toasted
* 1/3 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese
* 3 cloves garlic
* 4 Tbs. extra-virgin olive oil, divided
* 1 pinch coarse salt
* 1 avocado
* 1/4 cup crumbled queso fresco
* salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 450.

Lightly rub a good Tbs. or so of oil on the caps. Place them, cap side down, on a foil-lined rimmed baking sheet. Sprinkle the gills with a little salt and pepper. Roast them for a good 15 minutes, until they’re soft and divine. There will probably be a pool of juice in the gills after all that roasting. You can just sort of tip that out onto the foil. And then start a band called Pool of Juice.

Meanwhile, place the kale, pine nuts, cheese, garlic, and a good pinch of salt in a food processor. With the motor running, add the remaining 3 Tbs. oil until you get pesto.

BUT IT DOESN’T STOP THERE.

Mash up your avocado until it’s all smooth. Then add the pesto. Just dump it in. Then stir it all up. Can you even begin to believe this? Taste it. Okay now get off the floor and taste it again.

Spoon a good amount of pesto guac into each roasted cap, and top with the crumbed queso fresco.

Duuuuuuuuudes.

Hip. Hop. Ya. Don’t. Stop.