Friday Flotsam

Frrrrrrrrrrrrriddddeeeeee.

Tea.

TEA.

Tea!

I had no idea it meant anything besides a cozy hot drink.

Do you want to know that I was this year’s old when I found out tea means gossip? And no, believe it or not, the lyrics in Anti-Hero didn’t tip me off. I just thought Taylor literally meant tea time. Bahaha! Back when the song came out Aaron was even like, “Tea time? That’s the best she could come up with?” And I was like, “I don’t mind it. It’s a visual. And also don’t you dare question Taylor.”

It’s GOSSIP hahahahahahah! I had no idea!

I even follow a podcast and their episode titles always start with SwifTEA, and I’ve been so perplexed, you guys. I feel insane.

And then a few days ago in a text my friend was like, “Can’t wait for the tea!” BUT by then I already knew what she talking about and I didn’t have to ask her what she meant. Can you IMAGINE? I would have been like, “Tea? Oh we’re having wine. Not tea. I mean you can have tea. That’s completely fine.”

Sorry, who again came up with this? And did this person also invent other slang words that I’m absolutely in the dark about? I feel 85.

Did you know about this already? Please tell me I’m not alone.

Speaking of, yesterday I was doing a quick scroll (I almost said stroll) through Instagram while my pizzas were in the oven and I saw a photo of Martha Stewart and thought, “Man, her hair looks great.”

AAAND I’m officially old. That was it. That right there was the tipping point. When one finds Martha Stewart’s hair to look fantastic, you are left with zero hip.

But like, the blonde was perfect. It was styled just right and the highlights were bright and shiny and it flipped out just perfectly right above her shoulder.

No our next topic is not arthritis joint cream, why do you ask?

I think I finally figured out how to smell my laundry!

Wait, let me try that again.

I can smell my laundry, finally!

What I mean is that I think I might have a laundry smell. None of this makes sense.

Okay, you know how you can always smell another person’s laundry? My friend Sarah uses Diva and I always know when she’s around because I can smell her laundry. In a good way. I’ve never been able to smell my own. And I’ve tried so much. So many times. (I gave so many signs) Different combos. Different fabric softeners. Wool dryer balls. All of it. And yet I’m always left disappointed when I’m folding towels because I should be able to smell all this freshness, right? And I even have super sniffer! It should smell like laundry, bruh.

Well I think I figured it out. I need to go look at the brands downstairs. Hold on. I know one is Tide, but the other I can’t remember.

One sec, hold on.

Okay, it’s Ultra Downy April Fresh. But on the carton it has “3 x as fresh!” So maybe that’s it. This is not sponsored. And please don’t come at me for how bad that brand is for your clothes or earth or hair or nostrils or life. I have no idea. But I can SMELL IT and I’m PUMPED.

Tell me if you’ve somehow figured out the perfect formula to that perfect laundry smell. Because honestly, what’s the point of clean laundry when it doesn’t smell like a poem being read to you in a field of flowers?

Exactly.

I feel like we’ve talked about this before but if not, tell me what eyelash curler you use. I used my (very very cheap) one yesterday and it pulled out TWO LASHES and I screamed. You don’t do this to a 46 year woman, curler! I need one that curls, lifts, and doesn’t yank out the one strand of self esteem that I have left.

That’s a joke, you guys.

I have two strands left.

Weekend plans?

I’m painting the kids’ rooms! That exclamation point is not reflective of how I feel going into this task. It’s reflective of how I’ll feel on Sunday when the task is complete. Thing is, we’re doing the big transition/makeover and getting new (bigger) beds for them. So of course it’s a total give-a-mouse-a-cookie situation because then I obviously needed a new light fixture for Nat’s room. And new sheets of course. And a fresh coat of paint. And rugs. And string lights. It’s now a whole thing. (don’t tell aaron.)

From this weeeeeek! Two posts you need: White Bean Salad on Toast. The reports are in and things are looking great, you guys. Thanks for loving this. And also, Bev’s Imaginary Book Club! We’re covering three recent reads, and you’ll need to add them to your list, stat.

Okay, tell me some tea! (<–did I do it right?)